The Awkward Knight

What you won't see in the new Batman movie...




Oh, there are a few more deleted scenes after the jump.

Read on, faithful few!

Mildly Popular Blog to Eliminate Political Coverage

Just kidding. But Hooper is on vacation for the next 10 days or so. I'll try to get some good stuff posted for you in the meantime. Who knows? Maybe I'll get a Buckshot together by the end of the day. To tide you over, enjoy a few photos from Mrs. Buck's and my trip to the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo last month. Note the three-headed Hydra Giraffe. We were lucky to capture such a rare beast on film.

-Buck

Read on, faithful few!

Oh, Political Hoedown, where have you been?

Yes, I've neglected my (marginal) duty to keep you all politically informed, but I have good reason.

What...is that good reason? I think it's "You shut your mouth."

Or maybe it's building bookcases or weddings or myriad travels.

I have three pieces for the Hoedown in progress: the aforementioned bios of McCain and Obama, with a late July-target, so we can discuss as we lead into the conventions; I'm also putting together "War After War: Iraq Five Years On," and you can imagine what that's about. I expect much discussion after that last one, because we frankly cannot afford to let our TVs debate the issues for us.

There will also be a follow-up to "The Need of Our Own," but I'll probably wait until the others are done.

(And for those of you waiting for the final part of "The Breaking of the Hour," take heart! I've actually put finger to keyboard and am lightly hammering it out.)

Keep yer wits about ye.

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

It's Racism Friday at The Den of Mystery!

Normally I leave the political stuff to Hooper, but sheer lunacy and ignorance such as this needs to be brought to people's attention. More after the jump.

'We'll end up slaves. We'll be made slaves just like they was once slaves,' he said. Telvor, a white Democrat who supported Hillary Clinton in West Virginia's primary, said he planned to vote for Republican John McCain in November. 'At least he's an American,' he added with a disarmingly friendly smile.

So sayeth Johnny Telvor of Williamson, West Virginia. Here's the full article.

Now, I have family that traces to West Virginia. So does Mrs. Buck. So I suppose I could form some sort of defense of the state; about how you shouldn't judge the entire populace by the comments of one man. But I find I have no desire to defend them. Sweet Christmas, are people really that stupid? That racist?

I particularly like the ninth paragraph, where another esteemed resident of Williamson advocates the lynching -- sorry, assassination of Obama.

'Look, someone will kill him. Whoever Obama picks as running mate will end up being president.' Spence's ready smile and chatty manner on the thorny issue of Obama's possible murder gave little clue as to whether he thought it would be a bad thing or not.

God help the people of Williamson, West Virginia if Obama chooses a VP candidate that isn't white. There will be a great disturbance in the land, as though millions of hillbillies suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced.

- Buck

Read on, faithful few!

TPH: Concede this!

The Political Hoedown


I get the phone calls, I read the e-mails and see the candlelight vigils. I know you want more Political Hoedown. Give me time, I just need…a little more time.

But until then, something to hold you over.


***

After Barack Obama became the presumptive nominee, the eyes of the punditry world turned to Hillary's next actions. Would she press on, drag her heels or concede quickly? None of those, of course!

Her speech last Saturday was considered one of her best ever, yet it was the underlying spine of defiance that marks it of interest to me. She underscores her achievements as a woman making history, while shuffling his race into a glorified footnote. Her applause lines for Barack were squeezed into a speech celebrating her and the campaign and showed a subtle disrespect for the man. Bill got a raucous applause as the only Democrat to be elected twice to the Presidency since Truman, and women everywhere had their hearts warmed (or inflamed) by the solid rhetoric talking about breaking glass ceilings (to paraphrase, "we may not have broken that ultimate glass ceiling…but there are 18 million cracks in it now." "WOOO! WHOO WHOOP!! YEAAARRGH!!" [that last one was Howard Dean's twin sister]).

Anything can happen between now and the convention, as she awkwardly reminded us several weeks back. It could be he starts polling far behind or just even with McCain, while in similar polls, Hillary is ahead. If she can use that sort of data, along with her sizable pledged delegate total to win over a number of supers, she could make it through the first round of voting in Denver. Once that first round is done, the delegates are virtually up for grabs and you know her iron claws will scrape up whatever they can.

This isn't over, the concession speech that concedes nothing says; just in a holding pattern. Considering all choices, though, I think the "Master of the Senate" option plays the best for her future in politics, if not her pride.

***

Will there be a dream ticket for the Democrats?

It's tough to say what VP Barack will choose, only that we might be surprised at either his daring or by his cowardice in the face of an estrogen tidal wave. Hillary is a top choice, but one that calcifies the opposition. More rumors have been springing up about the Virginia triad, Jim Webb (senator), Mark Warner (former governor) and Tim Kaine (current governor), but each has their sticking points. Leaks from the vetting committee reveal former military officials are being considered (but that could just mean Jim Webb, who served in Vietnam). Kathleen Sebelius, two-term governor of Kansas is a chief consideration, but wouldn't that just tick off the Hillary crowd, to give it to a different woman (and - surprise! - one with actual executive experience).

I have no comment at this time, since the semi-official list is still well over a dozen names and possibly two.

***

It's national bike-to-work week, which includes walking, rollerblading, mass transit…basically not driving your car/SUV if you can avoid it. If you live three blocks from the train station, walk instead of driving two miles to a parking lot one block away from a different station…not that I did that today because I was running late. Don't judge me!

***

Hillary has disappeared these last few days, while McCain is moving more into the limelight. His call for town hall debates, a brilliant move, backs Obama into a corner. However, there are no new policy arguments, just the same old. Oil is being dredged up (not literally, since that would lower prices and nullify the issue; thank you, environmentalists), but just because it nearly hit $140/barrel earlier in the week (it's backed down some).

Were you watching McCain give his speech Tuesday last? No? Probably for the best. "That's not…[wait for the teleprompter to scroll]…change we can believe in! [creepy smile cue…now!]" Over and over we were treated to that. And you know it made him look as bad as Bob Dole falling off that stage twelve years ago.

No comment on his VP choices right now, except...

Piyush "Bobby" Jindal, Governor of Louisiana, son of Indian immigrants, Republican darling: he will not be your next Vice-Presidential candidate (R). Why? He's young, only six months into his term as governor and not to be exhausted on McCain's bid. (Because you know he'd be tainted, nationally, in a loss, and that would hurt his chances to perhaps become the first Indian president, or at least candidate, the US has had.)

His resume is golden right now; imagine it by 2012, should he win reelection. Let his experience build and exposure grow naturally.

***

There's your update. Not so brief after all.

Hit the rock, don't smoke it.

[fist bump]

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

The Political Hoedown News Brief: The battle is over, but the war...

Barack Obama, junior Senator from Illinois, has become the presumptive Democratic nominee for the Presidency, pending validation at the Democratic National Convention this August in Denver.

He becomes the first black in America to make it out of the slate of primary candidates and ascend to the top of any national party's ticket in our nation's history. Support his ideas or not, that's one hell of a gold star next to his name.

Matt Saniie, congrats on a race well fought and won.

For more information, go here for the main story, here for some reaction, and through this magic door for Clinton's side.

Hillary Clinton, Senator from New York, has not conceded, but says she needs several days to work on her next step. I doubt highly it will end with her storming the convention.

McCain has his say also, but he's still being a lot quieter than he will be.

More on this later in the week, and then we'll take a break from politicking to write some bios on the two nominees, John McCain (R) and Barack Obama (D).


-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

TPH: Tonight, Tonight/Won't Be Just Any Night

The Political Hoedown
South Dakota & Montana; The Last Two Weeks; "Will, Should & Want"


My ancestral homeland and that state with the militias are voting today. South Dakota and Montana are the last two Democratic primary states, and their results will either force the issue of withdrawal on Clinton or bolster a claim of resurgance and popular vote victory. Montana will break for Obama, as the mountain/west states generally have, and South Dakota...that's a trickier proposition.

Looking at the state (I just spent the last week there), it has a breakdown of largely white, middle-class families with the agro-influence you'd expect from a high plains state. There are also a smattering of minorities, but their role won't be as big here. And though the very west of the state is mountainous, I don't see it following the trend of the other mountain states. All things considered, Obama will probably win there. I didn't see much of a Barack presence (there were more Hillary signs and commercials), and he did flub up a little at a recent rally in Sioux Falls, SD ("Hello Sioux City!" ...followed by confused clapping and silence, when it was obvious he'd not realized his mistake). But there's momentum to consider and the states around and how they broke. SD blue-collar workers, or their equivalent on the farm, aren't the same as steel mill workers.

It won't be a big delegate loss or gap for her tonight, but will further highlight her diminishing cause.

***

So I've been working or out of town for the last two weeks, and unable to keep your all informed. Here's a brief rundown of the major news, relating to the election.

*Oregon goes to Obama, Kentucky to Clinton. Both were no-brainers, but Clinton's win in Kentucky was a repeat of her smash vicotry in West Virginia, and resulted in some intersting exit polling. Basically, Obama doesn't have a lot of friends here. So Hillary wins again by a landslide in a state Obama didn't even compete in but matters in the fall, while Obama wins in a state that the Democrats have little chance of losing in the fall. At the end of the nigh, he is left less than 80 delegates short of the nomination and she remains latched onto this race like a Doberman on your crotch.

*Obama's rapport with white, blue-collar workers is officially nonexistant and in related obviousness, freezing water makes ice cubes.

*Obama quits Trinity United Church, citing personal reasons (it would be a distraction in the campaign, and he wants a church where he can sit in the pew and /not/ be singled out).

*The DNC rules committee rules on Michigan and Florida, letting them all sit, but saying their delegates get half votes. Hillary nets over 30 pledged delegates, but Obama's lead stays above 170 (which is still only a few percentage points when you think about it, hardly indicative of a mandate). Clinton loyalists scream, Obamians grimace, but no one dies. The world still turns, and Clinton...you guessed it...is still here, and now claims the popular vote is hers!

*Puerto Rico goes 2:1 for Hillary, but the turnout was weak (380k). We must admit, there were no major ballot initiatives to get people out, and on the major issues to Puerto Ricans, Obama and Hillary more/less agree. A win for the lady in pink!

*Reports come in early June 3 that Hillary will concede, only to be refuted by campaign chairman Terry McAuliffe. Are there some moles within the Clinton staff? Rumor has it (strong, strong rumor) that Clinton's advanced team has been shut down; they are the ones setting up speeches and activities. While they would have a slower go of it without primaries, advanced teams help to lay the foundation for the general election. Many volunteer staffers have already been told June 15th is the last day. Does this mean the Clinton campaign machine is being >>dismantled<< or retooled?

*Obama's camp - backed up by an AP story - claim victory in delegate totals, claiming there are enough Superdelegates coming out today, tonight and tomorrow to clinch the nomination.

*Hillary is still latched onto your crotch and a Doberman is in the race, or something. Long/short, she's still here until at least tonight.

***

What Will Be: Hillary loses Montana, ekes out a victory (or small small small defeat) in South Dakota, gets a financial, campaign funds - but no political - concession from Obama and becomes a leading Dem in the Senate.

What Should Be: Obama wins Montana, Hillary wins South Dakota. She uses her clout and, frankly, massive national support to arm wrestle money from Obama as well as one of the following: VP slot, Secretary of State, Senate Majority Leader or Supreme Court justice (should the need arise). The last two will probably be in conjunction, former until the latter. Her importance is too great to simply throw away for nebulous "change," the argument for the above goes, and she needs to be rewarded somehow and in a major way. The Senate is a good runner-up prize to the presidency, as is Sec of State. And to be a justice! C'mon!

What I Want: Hillary bullies on to the convention, satisfied in the notion that she has 47%+ of the delegates, closer to 50% of the popular vote and a drive following. She shouldn't go quietly into that so-on-and-etc. I want to see a convention that matters, with her making a case like the lawyer she is why she deserves the prize. Superdelegates can still change sides and Obama isn't the golden god of politics. I can see a march in the streets, her supporters hammering on the convention hall doors like Hannibal at the gates of Rome.

***

We'll chat more tomorrow.

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

And to the evil for which he stands!

Goodbye, Harvey.

You probably know him as the villain from my all-time favorite comedy, Blazing Saddles. Sadly, he is no longer with us.

Harvey Korman, 1927-2008

Here's one of the classic Korman/Conway bits from The Carol Burnett Show.

- Buck

Read on, faithful few!

TPH Brief: Edwardian Politics

(A Brief) Political Hoedown

All right, John Edwards has decided. After months of wrangling, he pledged his support to Barack Obama. And the world trembled!

Or so the media would have you think.

It's simple. In the early days of primary contest, a vote for Edwards was equated to one of three things:

1) A vote for change/a progressive vote, akin to Obama's "hope" mantra; a policy vote
2) A vote for John Edwards to be the President
3) A vote against Hillary Clinton, the presumptive (at the time) nominee and representative of the "old way"

The rationale behind the Obama camp's enthusiasm for Edwards' support is two-fold: he's a former VP candidate, and therefore known and (ideally) respected by the Democratic public; he's got a lot of blue-collar, "hard working" (male) whites behind him, being a southerner and, you know...white. Since Obama has had small progress to say the least among the working-class white male, Edwards can act as a missionary to shore up (build) support in that key demographic.

Because you shouldn't be fooled by Obamians who claim that their coalition will win in the fall (Youth, academia, blacks, wealthy liberals). They need Joe Schlubb from the steel mill in November just as much as McCain will. Jesse Jackson, Jr., claimed that the working white male "swing" vote could just as easily be hispanics, women, blacks or any of the other "key demographics" bandied about. The only fallacy there is that those groups have roundly chosen their candidate and aren't budging. The blue collar Joe, largely for Hillary, is still seen as up for grabs.

So will Edwards' endorsement help? Not in the least.

It's too little, too late. If he had wanted to make a difference and block Hillary, he'd have declared before Super Tuesday or stayed in, so he could act as a kingmaker of sorts (we in the punidtry are all sad he decided to bow out, hoping for a cinematic convention where Obamians and Clintonians yell at each other while the necessary delegates to win, controlled by Edwards, waited for the right moment to strike. A missed opportunity). He doesn't help Obama with white men because the majority have already voted.

Pennsylvania, Ohio, West Virginia, Indiana - they already voted, and for Hillary. How many delegates did Edwards cost Obama by waiting? I'd argue enough to secure the nomination before May 2008.

Long/short of this is don't pay attention to Edwards. He's barely a politician and his meager 22 delegates won before dropping out prove that.

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

TPH: Why won't she leave?!

The Political Hoedown
West Virginia...mountain mama; Other Voices; Next Up

Hillary Clinton whooped it up all last night, reveling in her 41-point victory over the junior IL senator. It's trite to say these contests are do-or-die for her. Since she won Indiana by only a slim two points (when, to stay viable, it should've been at least five), the media has been loudly nailing her coffin lid down, regardless of if her body is in there.

This is one lady that's going down swinging.

Obama did not give a speech last night, continuing his brilliant mindgames from last week. First, he says it's over without saying it's over for Hillary. Then he says he's looking ahead to the fall, and his staff begins repositioning for the general election (my inside man is out recruiting in Colorado, trying to make red turn blue). Now, pouring a tube (container? round box? Gah!) of Morton's salt on fresh wounds, he ignores entirely her victory. Flat-out silence. Like I said, brilliant.

***

Lessons we can glean from West Virginia and the campaign as it stands? I can see only one.

Other voices.

If this campaign has taught me one thing, it's that people want to be heard. With Obama as the presumptive nominee at the point - and can any of us really see Hillary pulling out the upset? - you'd think the general Democratic party would be realigning towards him and the battle this fall. But they're not.

Instead, around 240k West Virginians cast either protest votes or voiced their opinions of Obama. They did not quietly accept defeat of their candidate. Pundits have been on about how no Democrat since the cavemen have won the Presidency without West Virginia (there are a few states you have to win, it seems like, or else all hope is lost). Doesn't matter. Obama is building a new coalition, he says, that will rewrite party boundaries and change the political map entrenched for several generations.

Still, what does that have to do with "other voices"?

"I am in this race," Hillary said last night, in a speech to her supporters, "because I believe I am the strongest candidate...the choice falls to all of you."

Many of you know me personally, and understand I have ranted about Hillary until no one would listen, like I was reading straight from an Ann Coulter book. But she's doing something here, and I can't object. Despite her staying in the election until we all turn blue, despite her bald political ambition and social climbing, despite despite despite,-- she is letting people speak.

Her staying in this election reminds us that every state, county, ward, precinct, voter should have their say, if they so choose. Is she staying in for the wrong reasons? Yes, to a degree, but she also espouses this belief that the other voices need to be heard, not just the first 2,025 delegates' worth. From wintry beginning to exhausting end, she'll stay here until the last ballot is filled out.

And that's our democratic process, to the dismay of the DNC. The race might look closer - and therefore, more justified for Hillary - if the proportional system was based on the states' raw vote breakdown, instead of some random weighted system that differs per state and also includes the wilds of caucuses. Unfortunately, bureaucracy intrudes. Hillary doesn't deserve the nomination, per se, but at the same time these screams for her to drop out are also largely unfounded. Nominations are not an easy business. In my lifetime, it's been relatively smooth - compared to what came before. But we're entering a new political landscape, with unknown demographics. It's therefore of paramount importance to listen to each voice as it speaks.

Stopping primary season halfway through robs the later states of their right to be heard. Look at Florida and Michigan, moving their dates up to gain relevancy on a national scale, despite being prominent states to begin with. Iowa, New Hampshire, Nevada and South Carolina are pretty unimportant on a national scale, and to base the nomination of those four purported "bellwether" states is faulty logic. Is it very hard to understand why people are still coming out in droves now to vote, even though the media and many major Democrats (and Republics; there are protest votes lodged against McCain as well) are saying it's over? The other voices, oft-ignored, wish to be heard.

Looking at the drawn out contest, it's an argument for either a national primary day (or month, with a different quadrant voting each week), but all that is at the parties' discretion. Remember, this aspect of our nation's election process is still decided by the 21st century equivalent of Good Old Boys smoking cigars in the back room (trumped-up nerds with lattes in an office park), so until the Republicans and Democrats decide that the current system is broke, expect more tough fights in open years.

***

Though you may not have read it, feel free to peruse last week's Political Hoedown, "It's over! He won Guam!!", for a recap on Indiana, North Carolina, some more on McCain, the media and (of course) numbers.

***

Kentucky and Oregon vote next, followed by Puerto Rico, Montana and South Dakota. Those first two will go Hillary/Obama, followed by Hillary and then two Obama wins. It's likely Hillary can discount the western wins by saying they're Republican through and through, not worth the effort and expenditure to make "blue," but Kentucky is a solid battleground and proving spot. Puerto Rico for her also backs up her claim of the Hispanic vote.

John McCain recently gave a talk on his first term. See the AP story here. Some of it even Democrats can't argue with. The rest...it'll surely provoke debate. When the Dems decide what they're doing, I'll counterpoint it more with their proposed first term.


-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

TPH: It's over! He won Guam!!

The Political Hoedown
May 6th's Primaries; the Media, Judging McCain, ...and the beat goes on...


By now you know how things hashed out Tuesday night in North Carolin and Indiana. Barack won NC by about 14% (56% to 42%) and Hillary eked out a victory in IN, 51% to 49%. It took until 12:15 in the freaking morning to find out the latter, due to stonewalling by Lake County Indiana officials, including the Obama-supporing mayor of Gary, Rudolph Clay. Mayor Thomas McDermontt, Jr. of Hammond, a Clinton supporter, got into a conference call argument with Clay Tuesday night on CNN, claiming accurately that the results were all on a computer. No one was going around by hand and counting the votes. Gary's mayor, flustered, just annoyed McDermott by hamfisting an answer about lost of absentee ballots and leprechauns and so forth.

***

The real winner last night was the media. They've been driving this competition since Iowa, building an underdog case for Obama until he topped Hillary after Super Tuesday. Noting that ratings would drop if the Democrats had a clear choice, they muddied the waters by insisting on the "national states" strategy of Clinton, casting her as the underdog and reinforcing that with each win.

What they've given us, the citizens, the voters, is a clear path to dischord. Democrats can't be happy that their primary election is so bitter, not even thinking about the fall. Come September and October, when McCain has the full might of the GOP campaign blitz behind him, will the Dems wither to nothing, as they burned themselves out too soon?

***

Not that Republicans have it easy. Somewhere around 23% of voters last night cast their ballots against McCain and for Paul, Romney and Huckabee. The Senator may've clinched the nomination, but he hasn't sealed the deal with his base. He came out this week saying he wouldn't appoint activist judges to the Supreme Court, hinting at more conservative choices that frankly scare Democrats. Not that Roberts or Alito, Bush's picks, have been bad; I think Justice Roberts will stand, after his - hopefully - decades-long career on the highest bench, as one of the best up there. That is the true legacy of President Bush, a young Chief Justice. (This armchair pundit's personal opinion is that we'll be better off with that some silly legislation overturned in the next Congress.)

Expect more of the same from McCain in the next month: a gentle hush. He knows if he makes waves - news - then the sharks on the DNC will latch on to every word and whittle him down without spending a dime. Best to leave the Dems to put their own house in order, agonizingly, then give them something to distact the media from the potential implosion in their party.

***

Did Barack Obama win the nomination last night? According to many headlines, articles and editorials today, he did. The victory was big enough in NC and the loss miniscule in Indiana (not to mention last week's Guam win). Neither state is especially crucial in the national scheme of things, and when you break down the demographics of the state and how they hashed out for each person, nothing was a surprise. The same blocks voted for the same candidates in roughly the same amounts. These elections showed nothing new.

What they highlighted was Obama's lead. Hillary just can't overcome it. While he isn't breaking into her base, she's having little luck with his. In fact, 11% of the total Indiana vote could've been Republicans masquerading as Dems. That would be the Rush Limbaugh initiative showing its hand. Were that the case, Hillary is dead in the water, for they would all prop her up to keep Obama - the more dangerous candidate in Rush's eyes - off the ticket. But back to Barack's lead, it is nearly insurmountable at this point. Proportionate voting in the primaries will ensure Hillary gets more delegates when she loses Oregon, Montana and South Dakota, keeping her "alive," yet Obama also gets to increase his totals when she undoubtedly wins in West Virginia next week, followed by Kentucky and Puerto Rico.

The phrase "double-edged sword" applies to every victory of hers, because at this entrenched phase they're not enough in themselves to yank her into the lead. Only the Superdelegates can do that...

Obama is already planning his campaign for the fall, a classic psych-out strategy. He's not locked in yet, either.

The staying power of each rival's constituencies is in the news, as exit polling shows a greater proportion of Hillary's supporters will jump ship and vote for McCain or not at all, vs. Obama's numbers.

FYI: she needs ~67% of the remaining delegates overall, which ain't happening. Former presidential (D) candidate George McGovern, orignally for Clinton, has restated his position, claiming Obama has won and Clinton should concede.

***

We're down to the last six contests for the Democrats: West Virginia, Kentucky, Oregon, Puerto Rico, Montana and South Dakota. I already told you who I think will win, and that means we'll have more acrimony, more infighting and more media blitzing for the next month than the a primary season has had in most of our lifetimes.

Hello, democracy!


-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

The Hooplah: Breakfast Thoughts II - The Brunchening

Bad coffee in a good mug tastes bad. However, the same dark brew ensconced in Styrofoam is passable to decent. Is it the gradual melting of the Styrofoam under the intense heat, a melting that takes so long it really doesn't happen, that improves the palatability? The mug I am using today is quite nice, with a slight tapering in the middle and a sturdy heft. I don't think it's breaking apart inside and tainting the coffee. But an identical cup, poured at the same time into Styrofoam, tastes better. It's almost like diet vs. regular Coca-Cola. What an oddity. Yet I refuse to switch back to Styrofoam. God, aren't I eco-friendly! Maybe it's the heat-conductive properties of the two materials, ceramic vs. Styrofoam, that impact the flavor. This calls for an experiment. As the great man once said, "Stand back! I'm going to try science!"

* * *

I posted not long ago that some women smell. Well some men smell too. Like women. It is very disconcerting to note in a hallway or elevator a strong floral aroma, like a funeral parlor or retirement home, only to realize the space is shared by another man. What is he thinking? Do the women in the world desire men to who smell like their great-aunts? This barbarity must be stopped. Conversely, a rotund basement-dweller filled my train car with the chewy aroma of B.O. this morning. Does no one remember the shower and simple three-swipe deodorizing that follows?! Are we all French that we forget good hygiene*?

* * *

How is David Archuletta not being torn apart by the judges on American Idol? (Yes, I watch it. Wanna make something of it?!) The boy signs like he's in a high school summer camp variety show and yes, there is talent there. But to win American Idol and against the folks he's up against? He cannot hold a candle to some who have gone before him (Michael Johns, Carly Smithson) or those still there (David Cook, Syesha Mercado [supermarket?]). His butchering of two Neil Diamond songs did nothing to break the thralldom in which the judges find themselves whenever he opens his mouth. Do you want as your next pop sensation a boy who looks like he's halfway between crying and peeing his pants whenever given words of encouragement? Vote Cook or die trying.

* * *

In honor of Buck's bacon-infused post, I too must make a confession. Yesterday, I had a chicken salad sandwich. I know I need to stay healthy (the di-uh-beetus and all...), and my initial thought was to have it on multi-grain bread with lettuce and tomato. The latter two remained, but the bread was swapped out for a croissant. Not content to stop there, I added a thicker-than-normal slice of pepperjack cheese and then the pies-de-resistance! Bacon. That sandwich sung. Add some Diet Pepsi (look, Mom - no sugar!) and nacho cheese Doritos (...sigh. There's nothing healthy there. Powdered cheese? It probably causes AIDS) and you've got yourself a meal.


-Hooper


*Just kidding. The French are a clean and industrious people with a rich cultural heritage.

Read on, faithful few!

The Hooplah: Hey dashtard,-- take care...

Ah yes, a post without politics, in which we look at signs around the country, argue about the devilish salutation "Take care," and mourn the dashtard...we hardly knew ye.



First, here are some interesting signs, gathered from the four corners of my brain.

















* * *

Now that that foolishness is over, the heart of the matter.

* * *

"Thanks for calling, y'all. Take care."

Who among us hasn't had a phone conversation end that way, with a complete stranger wishing you well with just those two words? More and more these days I find myself told to "take care" by people I don't know. Ordinary people - normies, I call them - would see that as a sign that we're all coming together as one people, wishing bounteous health and prosperity on our fellow man.

But doesn't it feel to you, instead of just idle words, "take care" is like a hug from someone you just met or the villainous "kiss hello" of Seinfeld fame?

I shake hands when I meet people. I tell them to have a good day, to enjoy themselves. I'll even go so far as to say "you, too" if they end the conversation in a congenial enough manner that doesn't impose on the relationship. But ever so rarely would I tell someone to "take care." It can be a sinister phrase, followed by an ellipse in my head ("Take care..."), with the image of a mustachioed man in shadows whispering into a dirty phone booth receiver before lightly replacing it in the cradle, the click of termination indicative of more than just the end of our call.

This is a paranoid perspective, I am told.

That perfect strangers wish me harm instead of good after a few minute phone call is a thin theory, to say the least. More likely than not, the wholesaler or tech-help guy or dentist's secretary doesn't care one whit about me or mine and has a rote "goodbye" that isn't so abrupt and impersonal, but in the act of standardizing such a phrase, that's also an unexpected outcome. So aside from making me squirm, thinking that some person is sending gooey vibes across the country, they're also taking a perfectly innocent phrase and robbing it of its sentimentality.

I do use the phrase on exceedingly rare occasion, and respond well if I know the person. I don't hug you just because I've met you, or we shared a few dozen words over long-distance phone lines. If I don't feel it, why say it? If I they don't mean it, why belabor the point and introduce an awkwardness to our connection?

Doctors and health care professionals can use the phrase with impunity because it is their business to take care of us, so by extension, they'd remind us at the last point of interaction. "Take care [while you're away from me]," they imply.

(Now lawyers.... "Take care [to engage in hazardous activity that results in a beautiful paycheck for at least one of us].")

Am I crazy? Does this make me crazy? I'm an optimistic guy, anyone will tell you (despite the red, white and blue elephant on my key chain). Actively, I wish no harm on the bulk of the general population and good favor on a select bunch. To be so indiscriminate when using that phrase - it rings cold to me.

* * *

Perhaps I had a thought,-- but oh, another! Notice the curious but grammatically well-lineaged punctuation in the midst of that sentence.

",--" It is the noble dashtard, and it has fallen into disuse and death.

Interspersed across centuries of European writing, the dashtard, a mixing in various fashions of a comma or semi-colon followed by several dashes, suggests a break more pronounced than any of its component parts. There's substance in them thar pause between thoughts.

Today, pretentious writers use the dashtard to stand out, to appear truly in-the-know to have used such an odd and unknown piece of linguistic history.

Nicholson Baker, the essayist and novelist, dedicated hundreds of words to the praise of the dashtard, its uses and its eventual doom beneath standardized formatting. There is no room in the MLS handbook for punctuation that depends on the writer for 1) form and 2) meaning.

Do lists follow a ";--" or a whole new sentence? Why use ",--" when I could use ";" or "-" by their lonesome? There is little logic to the choice, just eccentricity on the author's part. Guidebooks cannot do their job without concrete examples that can be backed up if need be. There are a lot of sentences out there that use periods, so it's hardly an issue to find them. But how many use dashtards? And in the same manner?

But you now know of the dashtard, and can begin using it in your writing. Maybe it never appears in print;-- the idea, my friends, does live on.

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

TPH: Numbers, Numbers, Numbers

The Political Hoedown
Hillary Wins PA; Numbers; Superdelegates

Despite being outspent 2:1 by Sen. Obama's blitzkrieg campaign, Sen. Hillary Clinton pulled out a win in Pennsylvania...that we all said was a foregone conclusion months ago. Regardless, it's a big deal for her. Another big state - a state of national prominence - it further solidifies (in her mind) the argument that she can pull the strands of the party together better than Barack.

Her lead in the state was in the double-digits weeks out from the primary, but shrank to single-digits as the contest approached. In fact, some polls showed Obama ahead of her. But the reality of her voting base and the scrutiny facing Obama's controversial associations proved too much for any major upset, and the polls closing in on April 22nd showed her regaining or holding the lead by a comfortable amount.

Obama ran an odd campaign in the state. He pumped millions into it and, as I said, expended twice as much cash as Clinton. Yet in the week before, he and his campaign admitted that they had no illusions of victory. Were they trying for an underdog win, or spelling out plainly that they really didn't have a chance? I'd go for more of the latter. Were I Obama's treasurer or finance guru, I'd be a little upset at the outlay of funds for a losing battle - a battle that six weeks ago they knew was lost. The polls done in Pennsylvania back then weren't in a vacuum; the electorate knew Hillary was behind Barack but still gave her such a lead. Unallocated votes in the meantime swayed more for him, boosting his numbers, but hers weren't much degraded. So theirs was a stop-gap maneuver, doing their best to hold their position with little chance of gain. And it cost them millions to do it.

It all hashed out (roughly) 54.7% to 45.3%, Clinton over Obama. Of course, she claims the victory goes beyond a simple win for her and continued campaigning; it threatens his electability in a general election. That is fair, but it is also fair to say that most of her voters would stick with him in the fall. If she speaks of the broad view, of pulling in independents and Republicans who fall in the middle/middle-right, there's more credibility to her argument. But to really look at that, one must look at the numbers.

* * *

Do you know how long it takes to wade through the dozens of exit polls done in the last few months? You can go through each candidate's victory column and cobble together, through numerical and statistical manipulation, a case for them for president. According to the Pennsylvania exit poll, when asked if Clinton can improve the economy, "Yes" respondents were at 75% while "No"s were at 23%. Using the same question with Obama as candidate, the Yes:No's were 65% to 33%. That's huge right there, and a key hitting point for the Clinton campaign, that more people have faith in her economic vision, based on a (flimsy) exit poll.

For while exit polls do provide us with "valuable insights" into the demographic breakdown, as well as fodder for cable news shows, they aren't cannon voter indicators. 2,217 people out of 2,306,326 - or .001% - participated. Pollsters make their living out of choosing certain people to fulfill national demographic categories in order to reflect the country as a whole, thereby gaining the nebulous "valuable insights" we need to digest voting results. But are they to be trusted?

Certainly by going through the PA results, we see that Clinton was leading in most categories, and mirrored her overall victory. BUT notice how, even with these in hand, CNN waited until about 20% of the state-wide results were in, including key precincts around major cities, before calling for Hillary. The numbers are only so good, and again, easy to manipulate. It's exit polling that got the networks and cable news channels into so much trouble with early, pre-poll closing calls.

Clinton lost Wisconsin by a sizable margin, yet looking at the results, you could make a case that white Democrats prefer her as their President. 53% of exit pollers were white Democrats, and they chose 51% to 49% Clinton to Obama. You can easily use those numbers by removing them: over half of white Democrats choose Hillary. While you can't really run that sort of ad, it helps with positioning amid the media, in smaller press releases to couch a loss with a statistical victory in one small area ("But Chris, we did win in this very key demo...").

In the coming weeks (and, potentially, months), both campaigns will be courting the remaining ~300 Superdelegates/PLEOs (Party Leaders & Elected Officials), using these same numbers and the demographic make-up of their victory states to firm up support.

* * *

But what are the Superdelegates to do? Do they go with 1) whoever has the most competitively won votes, 2) the greatest popular vote or 3) the best argument for November electability vs. McCain? In a true democracy (which we are not), they'd go with #2. But, if they are practical (that goes against a true, shouting democracy), they'd look at #1 and #3, ignoring #2, and hash out their response.

The main goal for the Democrats this year cannot be a policy victory. It's a popularity contest or, at worst, a referendum of GWBush. And we already had that in 2006, with the public giving the Dems the Congress in a sweeping win for the minority party. Now, with a little less than two years of blah under their belt, along with mortgage, credit and gas crisises, they pray the momentum of the primaries will allow them to keep their seats in the fall.

Obama's camp claims that, since he has the most non-PLEO delegates, meaning the public is on his side, his case is the best for a fall victory. Hillary understands he's won a bunch more states than she, though many are "red" and not likely to go "blue" even if he was the candidate. However, her victories have been in states that have to be won, the ubiquitous national states, and count for more...right?

Which make up the Republican party more: black people or white? And of those whites, how many really are billionaires sitting in golden palaces amidst acres of servants and luxury? So we can agree that most Republicans are white and probably middle-class and below. Might one argue...blue collar? Do you see where Hillary can take this, how she can use the "I pull from the demographics that THEY use" argument to trump Obama's youth/disenfranchised/black base?

Any presumptive Democratic candidate must realize that to overcome the foot soldiers of the Republican party, the white folk, they'll need the same. While an Obama candidacy will guarantee more black voters, in states like Illinois, New York and South Carolina (low electoral vote count) it won't matter. The grand picture, Clinton can argue, means a big tent that has those necessary blue collar whites as the linchpin (!) of the whole deal.

But Obama has more votes.

How would you decide?

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

TPH: The Next (Last? HA!) Do-or-Die for Sen. Clinton

The Political Hoedown
Pennsylvania; Elitists...in the DNC?!; Immigration Follow-up


It's the elephant in the room, the Pennsylvania Primary, and the media is deciding to ignore it. Look to Indiana, to North Carolina, they say, predicting a Hillary win already. And that sort of prediction when the race has been anything but predictable shows someone's got stones.

Or is an idiot.

The logic goes, unless Hillary loses, any win by her will be enough to see her through to Indiana and North Carolina, the next set of "decision" states, so why bother? Polling data puts her ahead by a little to a fair amount, depending on your source, and it stands to reason that she's going to come out of April 22nd with another win in her column, if few actual delegates. Because let's be honest: she's not winning more delegates than Obama at this point.

He's got the "competitive" delegate lead, and is doing better with PLEOs/Superdelegates than her, though she still retains a slim lead on that count. Howard Dean wants this over as quickly as possible, saying by July it should be done - by the end of June, even. There are a few extant Superdelegates, no doubt, who honestly haven't come to a conclusion yet. They are waiting to see what Clinton can do and if Obama can smooth over the last few weeks' worth of negative press.

A telling indicator that Obama is in trouble - or that his staffers worry he might he - would be his use of attack ads and the dredging of the sniper story. He did declare at the last debate that the sniper story - and all "politics" of that kind - should be off limits. Clean campaigning, right? Then why are some of his campaign staffers holding media conference calls and bringing Hillary's tarmac dash back up again and again? There was a feisty back and forth between Clinton's and Obama's chief strategists yesterday (Sunday) that shows a no-holds-barred approach to Pennsylvania's primary, not to mention the remainder of the campaign (however long that might be, and the media certainly wants it to drag on as we've seen with their eagle eye already on the next contests, eagerly anticipating the overtime checks, personal interest stories, political infighting, garish graphics, secured employment).

Maybe it's smarter for the two candidates to let their proxies duke it out, dig up the dirt.

* * *

That sort of segues into the candidates being above it all, elites if you will in the political process. But does that make them elitist?

Hillary has made a big stink about Obama's "bitter" remark about Pennsylvanians ("...they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them..."). Anything said on the campaign trail, whether at a rally in front of thousands or a private fundraiser with a few dozen people, is fair game. Certainly Obama gets that now, much to his chagrin.

It's not rightly "fair" of Hillary to try and judge someone else an elitist when she is Hillary Freaking Clinton, but when has fair really entered into politics in our nation's history? She is rightly taking advantage of his political weakness, jumping like a badly coiffed lion on his confused zebra. But, like with the Rev. Jeremiah Wright debacle, he's not really impacted all that much. His numbers have dipped a little, perhaps, but not noticeably. It's sort of a moot point for these two to argue the "elitist" card, because not only are both part of the very top of earners in the country, not only are they some of the very few elected to national politics, but they are presidential candidates. Mark Helprin of TIME magazine said it right when he claimed you can't get more elite than that.

It's quite common for Democrats to label others elites, or out-of-touch with reality. Certainly Hollywood liberals have never met a better-than-you comment they haven't wanted to hurl the Republicans' way. We recognize the irony, that people who demand eight-digit salaries (or maybe even just seven...) for a few months' work are claiming they have a finger on the pulse of the common man and are more in the trenches than Those Right-Wing Politicians In Washington(!!). I think we'd all be a lot better of if the word "elite" never came up in politics unless someone was mocking gamer speak ("Hillary claims I am l33t, but it's time she pwned up to reality...." The kids will get it, old people, don't worry).

However, Hillary's attack-dog stance on his "bitter" comments isn't necessarily a wrong one. It shows an incredible lack of thought? intelligence? tact? on Barack's part to even think what he said, much less say it. And it speaks to a personal ideology that, while not elite to a degree greater or less than any politician, is condescending to a social viewpoint. Certainly Obama is not a gun-toting, Bible-thumper; the culture is not his, per se.

There is a gap between him and those who do fall into that category, and I can imagine this will be highlighted in the fall if he's the candidate. Posing with a firearm or carrying a Bible in his briefcase won't necessarily help him. After all, he still faces John McCain who, if not a born-again Pentecostal, certainly knows his way around a weapon and has what spin artists call a "quiet faith." Fake machismo or religiosity will win him more scorn and late night talk show punchlines than votes. In fact, I don't think religion will play the part in this fall's election regardless of the candidate, simply because McCain isn't going to play that card. Barring shameful discussions of Obama's name and its Islamic implications, expect this race to ignore to a large degree the religious groups that made the last eight years' worth of elections some of the most frustrating in our nation's history.

(I speak as an individual happy there is a separation of church and state, full of a hearty dislike of nasty preachers on both sides who feel God chooses their politicians, when really everyone is trying to help their fellow man, just with different mechanisms. The sooner we let our faiths guide our morality and choices, and not fuel attack ads and unfair pigeon-holing the better.)

But going back to Obama and the "common man." He regrets the wording his chose, but does not apologize, when asked about the "bitter" comment. This circles around to the condescension mentioned above. He stands by the idea of his words, but realizes he could've said it without making people understand the derogatory nature of the remark. There is a semantics war being fought here; no apology, no "I'm sorry." Those denote a sense of remorse about the act, whereas regretting something doesn't mean you were wrong, just that you wish you'd done something differently. Unapologetic regret is possible, and alive in the Obama campaign.

* * *

I thought I'd post something about immigration, seeing as the recent special edition of the Political Hoedown garnered actual discussion on-site after the posting. But to use this platform for a retort, buried under election twaddle, feels unfair. Expect a fuller response later, in which I address points raised, NEW points and old points in sequined jumpsuits.

* * *

Let's not forget that I've addressed the Rev. Jeremiah Wright concern, and the religion question in general. Some of you readers may've been laying low when I tossed that sucker up.

* * *

I wrote a little blurb about McCain not being negatively affected these days in the polls while Obama and Hillarious duke it out. There's also a little about more about conservatives, him and how he might frame himself to be viewed as not Bush's third term.


-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

TPH: How is he doing this?!

The Political Hoedown
Just a few words to tide you over...


John McCain is holding up well in the polls...how? With President Bush's approval rating at a stunning 28% (and, even more awe-inspiring, that isn't the lowest Presidential approval rating since they were measured...), support for continuing presence in Iraq faltering (to be kind) and Obamamentum barreling past controversy and missteps, McCain should already be half-beaten in the gutter waiting for November to put him out of his misery.

What magic devils doth he implore to keep him neck-and-neck in virtually every national poll?

If you guessed gypsy magic, you'd be wrong. Flashy and tricksy, but wrong. Simply put, he doesn't look that bad in comparison to his fellow contenders. Hillary is making up her international experience faster than an imaginary sniper's bullet. Obama is suffering from a variety of negative stories in the press, and this brings a hint of doubt to his audience. So what is left?

John McCain.

I've spent a lot of electronic ink (electro-ink? e-ink? eeenk?!) talking about the Democrats and peppering my "reporting" with commentary. What about that other guy, you know, Old Man John 'Soon-I'll-Gum-My-Food' McCain? Do I think he's The One? No, of course not, but I am a fan of his approach to politics and the world. Obviously, I have to ask myself if a Cold War Warrior, a Reagan Footsoldier, is right for the 21st Century. More than GWBush's 3rd term in McCain, might it be Reagan Mark 3? What does that even mean?

Right now, everything bad that happens to the others casts better light on him. He's not being very loud right now, not very divisive. He can't be, since a chunk of Republicans are, to say the least, wary of him as their candidate. It's worth mentioning that though he isn't losing, nor is he gaining. Aside from that, he's solidifying his political base.

Not the Evangelicals, but the broader Republican base: the libertarians, social conservatives, economic conservatives and the hawks. I don't factor in the Evangelical vote this year because while it will play a part, it's role will be less than in 2000 and 2004, simply because McCain isn't Bush. And he probably doesn't like those guys all that much. They have to realize that you can play for the same team without liking every player, but you pull together for that last drive down the field (hey, a successful sports metaphor!).

Bush cast himself as a crusader, and McCain is too pragmatic to wear that armor. Reagan was the Cold War Warrior, fighting against the Big Idea of Communism around the world, through its most powerful proxy, the USSR. McCain could take a page from this book and, instead of bringing to mind half-hearted images of Bush-as-Woodrow Wilson, espousing broad freedom around the world through intervention, envision himself as the inheritor of Reagan's mantle. There is a difference between stubbornly following an ideology and structuring an argument for one as The Better Choice. See our protesters not being jailed, hear our church bells and imans and spinning dreidels, and etc.

It's about positioning, McCain proving he's a conservatives the likes of which Reagan was, not a polarizing extremist some in the party have become. While a conservative in many ways aready, he confounds them also by not walking the straight party line and sometimes approaching policy and legislation from other than the far right. Will the internecine warfare of the Democratic Party last long enough to see him hit 50% in the polls when put head-to-head with Obama or Hillary? Good question.

Ask me again after the Pennsylvania primary.

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

TPH: The Need of Our Own

A Political Hoedown Special Edition

Disclaimer: The opinions of Hooper McFinney are his own, and do not reflect yours, so don't worry. You won't get a mild case of intolerance from reading the following.


I read an interesting article in today's Chicago Tribune (credited to the LA Times, by Anna Gorman): "Illegal immigrant's case raises transplant issues." Ana Puente, the article tells us, is waiting for her fourth liver transplant. She received her first as an infant and other two in 1989 and 1998, all at UCLA Medical Center. The "approximate cost for a liver transplant and first-year follow-up," according to the article, is $490,000.

Ana is also an illegal immigrant. Does anyone else see something wrong with this picture?

To preface, I am not a heartless monster who thinks a child in need should be denied care. We need medical safety nets in place to make sure that children of all stripes are provided with responsible pediatric attention. I'd of course argue that the children of the wealthy deserve the coverage, but shouldn't be eligible, just like the requirements certain schools have regarding scholarships. The redistribution of wealth, as some Democrats might say, to the youth of this country is a finer thing than broad welfare spending on able-bodied adults. I digress, though.

What we're faced with is slap in the face, a people - and yes, I will stereotype and generalize, and to be sure, I'm talking about illegal Hispanic immigrants - full of a skewed sense of entitlement. Puente was quoted as saying, "It doesn't matter if I'm undocumented...they should take care of me at UCLA for the rest of my life because I've been there since I was a baby."

The waiting list for liver transplants in California alone is 3,700 people long, and only 767 transplants were performed in 2007. As many as 75 of those were for non-US citizens, the number for illegals unavailable.

We have a health care crisis in our country, no one denies it. People go without or with too little because of insurance, medicinal availability or full patient dockets at public hospitals. While the crisis is not necessarily widespread, it is still pervasive and threatens millions of people with, at the least, inadequate care. Why then are we so eager to give our services, our time, our tax dollars and our medicine to people who have violated federal law to be here?

I understand the "people are people" argument put forward by Dr. Michael Shapiro. "When you make an incision in an organ donor, you don't find little American flags planted on their organs." If you come to this country legally and get placed on a donor list, but your citizenship status is Iranian, you shouldn't be denied because you aren't a US citizen. But you're here legally, you went through the right channels; you didn't swim under them.

The executive director of NumbersUSA, Roy Beck, was right when he said transplants are about rationing. It's a needs-based system, but one that should also have built in it a legality component for those competent enough to seek their own health care. Basically, if you are in your twenties, like the two illegal immigrants in the article who are awaiting further transplants, there's a reason you're kicked off the state health care bill. You are old enough to make any decision you want, and perhaps the first one is to go home.

Home being, in these cases, Mexico. Seek its donor lists, wait with your countrymen, allow our citizens who paid for your livers - plural - to get one of their own, because they deserve it more than you. I know you couldn't choose where you were born, that those of us in the US don't realize how good we have it. It's a foregone conclusion!

But if you want to stay here, to take our benefits without putting anything else in the pot, how dare you demand our service.

Jose Lopez, the other illegal 20-year-old in the article awaiting another transplant, said, "You can't just leave a person to die. That's pretty much what they're telling me: 'You're illegally here. We're just gonna let you die.'"

Damn you for placing that burden on us! For putting the responsibility of your life at our feet! The sword of human dignity cuts both ways. If you want to live, don't say it's our ethical imperative to provide that life; man up! Run back across the border, apply for a worker visa, for citizenship or stay there and use your own nation's health care system.

It is not the responsibility of the United States to care for the world. I'm no isolationist, but on this there can be no argument. We have to order our own house, heal our own people who are in dire straights. The plight of a Mexican child with a bum kidney or livery might be heart-rending to hear, but if it's the difference between them and the child of an Ohio steelworker, or a Dakotan farmer or a Maine fisherman, there's no choice. I place us before them.

"Selfish" easily describes that action, but it's a small word for this, and makes the action small by relation. But this isn't a kid in a playground pouting and taking his ball home; it has to do with protecting the health, welfare and future of a whole nation. The more we allow programs like Medi-Cal, which seems to be a loophole program letting illegals get medical service at the cost of the state, to prosper, the less service we offer our own.

Think of it this way. Ana Puente, conservatively, has cost the state of California at least $1,000,000 (unadjusted) over the last two decades, Jose Lopez a little less. These two - just two - illegal immigrants by the end of the year, if all goes to plan, will have spent over $2,500,000 overall in California-taxpayer money by manipulating the structure of state health care systems. Illegal immigrants, mind you.

California has a program set up to provide quality health services for the poor, exactly who need the benefit. Medi-Cal in theory is great, but in at least this instance tragically flawed if it allows the downtrodden of our country to be beaten into the dust even more by those flagrantly ignoring federal law to seek our superior medical capabilities. Medical service that should be intended for the truly less fortunate of our country, not Felipe Calderon's or Alvaro Colom Caballeros' or Antonio Saca's.

I get frustrated with people who demand we treat the 12 million illegals as though they were already citizens when we have our own citizens dying from lack of the same medicine these illegals are utilizing. The economic benefit of cheap, head-down-cash-only labor does not outweigh the suffering of our own people. Again, it's a sense of entitlement, that because we are the "land of the free," that means it's free for any to walk all over and abuse.

Some argue it's our Christian duty to provide this much-needed care to the "undocumented," but not all taxpayers are Christian. If an organization independent of our state, local and federal governments wants to provide funding in a private clinic setting for illegal workers at no cost to the taxpayers, or detriment to poor US citizens, more power to them. That's one great thing about our country, the amount of private giving. Our charities do a great job complementing Federal programs and aid. Let's have them take a larger role.

But I do not see how, in clear conscience, we can continue to provide medical benefits to illegals above and beyond what we give our own citizens.

The University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine's ethics department chair, Arthur Caplan, stated, "Physicians and institutions do have a duty to these patients once they transplanted them. . . . Insurance running out is no excuse for abandoning them." The latter statement is correct, but greater need is an excuse. The need of our own sick and dying.

How can we lead the world, like all politicians preach we will if only you vote for them, if our own country has its very foundations crumbling due to disease and avoidable medical calamity?

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

A Girl & Her Guitar

Howdy, folks! Who wants to hear some great music? I know I do, what with the drunk kids and their hip pop and their untied shoes and innane lyrics.

So why not come down to Dolce's Saturday, April 19th at 6:30PM for a night with Margo Jean of The Rubes?

Playing rompin', rowdy, original roots music, she'll get you tapping your feet and singing along with bawdy choruses of "What would you do with a drunken sailor?".

You can find Dolce's, directly south (across the street) from Westmont's train station, at 15 W. Quincy (630-663-0401). There'll be no cover charge to this event, so come out and enjoy the food, beer, wine and coffee in this great new space.

You can check out the Rubes at either their label's website or their MySpace page (so the punk kids won't feel so weird venturing away from their electroconfines).

-Hooper

P.S. - She's also my neighbor, so if you don't go and make this big, she knows where I live...

Read on, faithful few!

The Hooplah: Some women smell & other thoughts

I have been subjected to several very aromatic women in the last few days in the elevator, waiting for food, walking down a hallway at work. I am sure these women bathe, or at least stand in the tub and look expectantly at the shower head hoping clean will wash over them. But they stink.

It's not even body odor around them, though it certainly hints at the edges.Can I say they are unique smells? Let's take an example.

A woman, let's call her Julia since I know no Julias, stands next to me waiting for the elevator to whisk her downstairs. We've all just come from the lunchetorium with our salads and carvery sandwiches and inexpertly made stir-fry. We carry this food in our hands, full of thoughts of eating, drinking and the sustenance and enjoyment such acts bring. What do we all hate to intrude on our dining experience? Bad odor. Julia smells, a mixture of decaying leaves and a Chinese fish monger.

And she's laughing!

Her friends must be drunk or stoned, because they too are full of merriment. Maybe it's because of the cloud of funk their friend is in. "My God, do you smell that woman?!" one whispers to the other by the fruit counter. "I know," replies the woman with water wing fat waddles hanging off her arms. "Someone should tell her..." Do they? They laugh!

It's like a story I heard somewhere,-- maybe at work or church or in the local bars I don't frequent because I'm not really that "hip" with it. A man wearing khakis and a button down, long-sleeve white shirt goes to the bathroom. He is in there for a suitable amount of time for No. 2, and exits after hand-washing and so forth. He returns to his cube space, perhaps nodding hey to the girls around him. Part of his shirt is hanging out the back, improperly tucked. And what do these same girls see, smeared like so much fresh mud across the bottom of his crisp, blanco shirt? That's right. How he did it remains a mystery to this day, but he somehow managed to twist the front of his shirt into the path of the toilet paper. Or else there was a Vesuvian burst that no one could control, much less contain, and the shirt was the least of his concerns.

But the point is thus: no one told him. He worked the rest of the day - hours, people - with poo on his untucked shirt. And so "Julia" smelled, and probably smells, because no one told her it was bad form to roll in a compost heap behind General Chang's fish bazaar. Are we sparing people the shame and embarrassment, or just getting some cruel laughter in at their pitiful expense? Hm....

"Guadalupe", another woman with a memorable bouquet about her, did not bring to mind Gorton's discards. Hers was an odd smell, sort of dry. I want to say like death, but death can be wet. But that's the best I've got. It was a faded smell, like old books you pull down from your Great Uncle Johann Frucht's shelves. When you open them, these whithered words try to escape the page at the same moment time is attempting to break down the book into dust. It slaps your septum before settling behind your eyes, that old book smell. Guadalupe had something like that, only for people,-- and she was young! Too young to smell like Uncle Johann with one foot in the grave and other in a Kleenex box because he forgot where he put his slippers.

Stink and smell hold a special place in my heart. How could they not, when I have as a pet the basset hound Neville, who sometimes releases time-delay bombs of such exquisite pungency that I question whether or not his bowels produced them or he purchased them off an ex-pat Iraqi scientist. I was talking to a co-worker about scent memory, which is very strong for me, an important part of the day-to-day. I constantly find smells triggering some random memory from years ago, and usually I'm left frustrated that I can't exactly rebuild the entire scene where that certain recollection came from. But such strong funk recall is why days after the fact, I can still recall the aromas of these women who really need some better lotions or fragrance-masking soap. Dial, for example.

I could on for hours about Dial soap and what its particular redolence means to me, but I've taken up enough of your time already.

Until we meet again, and I share my peculiar relationship with sports and how they loathe me.

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

The Breaking of the Hour...Part 4!

At last we've come to it, the penultimate chapter in Rick Slade's fight against Max Hitler, the twisted creation of Nazi superscience and an unhealthy love between a Fuhrer and his propaganda minister.

How have we gotten here? Catch up with the first three parts in a glorious collected edition post extravaganza! And when you're done?

Press on, if you dare, to Part Four of Rick Slade, Adventurer, starring in...

The Breaking of the Hour!

The strong cross-breeze at this altitude batted at Slade's legs, impeding his ascent. But hand over hand, teeth clenched against the bracing air, he moved upwards to the zeppelin's underside. Max Hitler steered the airship forward at a slow pace, heading due north to the city. Rick knew what was coming, the conflagration set by the crash, the sheer physical violence of the fall.

At any cost, he had to stop it. He hadn't remained long enough before to see if Max had followed the crashing of the zeppelin with any further torment, but knowing the motherless Nazi it was only the first act.

He reached the mooring anchor above the gondola and, pushing himself off the side several times, managed to kick a window in. Rolling over the glass, Slade got to his feet and surveyed the empty passenger deck. No one had boarded before Max Hitler had commandeered the airship; there were no whimpers from under tables or muffled cries from behind cracked doors.

To face Max, Slade knew his fists wouldn't be enough. He grabbed several knives off a table and broke a chair against a metal railing, taking two to of the legs with him as clubs. Taking a deep breath to slow his heart, he walked forward.

Lesser men would claim they were too old for work like this, the adventuring of a younger man. Throughout his life, Slade had never demurred from a task at hand, despite the pain caused, the moral quandaries he'd slogged in. Age and experience provided the tempering flame to his youthful abandon, but he'd never lost the spirit of excitement when faced with a challenge.

Now, well past sixty years old, he'd sometimes wake to knuckles swollen with pain. His right hip and ankle hummed with a dull ache from injuries long put behind him. Two bullets still in his back from his years in the Orient grew cold when a storm was on the wing. But he'd trade nothing for the life of a regular man.

At the closed door to the pilot's cabin, Slade halted and listened. He didn't hear any movements, but that meant nothing. Hefting one chair leg high over his shoulder, the other in front of his chest, he slammed his left foot into the door handle. Cracking against the wall, the door flew open, bits of frame hitting the forward windows and broken controls. And the slumped corpses of the zeppelin's intended pilots.

Slade checked the controls and saw a course laid in, frozen due to the damage wrought by a clip of bullets. If nothing was done to arrest its progress, the zeppelin would fly over the heart of Chicago's Loop. But he'd seen it crash well south of there, into a neighborhood off the south branch of the river and just east of the train yards.

He doubled back through the public areas to the stairs leading up to the crew cabins inside the zeppelin itself, small rooms running a quarter of the length of the ship back to the engine nacelles. The drone of the engines pulsed through the metal deck and support pylons. From the memory of his last trip through the belly of zeppelin, he remembered where the main engine room was, a low-lying room along the bottom with open-air access hatches for repairs.

The perfect place for a critical escape.

Passing an emergency station, Slade dropped the two chair legs and lifted the fireman's ax off its cradle. He tested the edge on a calloused thumb and approved. Twenty more steps and he faced a staircase down to the clanking, vibrating cacophony of the engine room. Before starting down, a chance look at the superstructure above halted him in his tracks. Four bulbous cannisters nestled in the crooks of the steel girders.

"That looks like trouble," Slade whispered.

The noise drowned out his shoes on the metal steps, and once below the deck-level, Slade saw Max Hitler, absorbed in some work over a lever-and-geared console. A gun was fastened into its holster on his right leg, buttoned in; a knife rested against the other thigh. Leaning against the control podium's side was the round hovering disc, looking like a child's sled.

In three quick steps, Slade had closed the distance, swinging the ax at Max's neck but purposely too far forward. An armored brace from a previous tussle protected the Nazi. The handle bounced off the metal collar, Hitler rocking to one side before spinning around, reaching for his gun.

"I wouldn't do that, Max. Helium."

Face contorted, mustache twitching, Hitler started to speak- "You--!" -but was cut short when Slade pulled the ax back one-handed, the blade hooking Max's neck and brining him stumbling forward right onto a left hook. A tooth flew out an open hatch into thin air, falling to the city below.

Bringing the ax back over his left shoulder, Slade paused and saw the explosives attached to the console Hitler had been furiously laboring over. Seizing the opportunity with his knife, Hitler slashed back and forth, forcing Slade to the stairs before he could recover. The ax came around again, with a focused rage behind it, and clanged into a girder.

"I would stay around, mein stummster Feind..." Max took a step back and grabbed the disc "But the view will be better from out here!"

"No!" Slade dashed forward, dropping the ax and reaching out for a shred of Hitler's clothing to pull him back, force him to explain what was going to happen. Alas, he grabbed thin air, and the remnant of the Third Reich settled onto his floating platform and drifted away.

"Do no worry, Herr Slade," yelled Hitler as he donned a gas mask, "you were never smart enough to stop this. I've been planning it for years, since I first worked out where you lived. Worked. Gespielt mit Freunden. Your world will burn as mine did."

Max Hitler kept talking as he moved away, but Slade ignored it. There was a time to despair and a time to act. He picked up the ax, and chose.

Whatever happened, the gas mask was the key. If Hitler feared the air, there was a reason. One longer look at the detonator and explosives confirmed Rick's first guess - he didn't have the skill to disarm it. Jumping up the stairs, Rick ran along the crew deck and searched around for a clue - anything to point to-

There, up above: the four cannisters.

At this part of the ship, climbing a dozen feet on the metal struts and girders was no song and dance, but he made it. They weren't even fastened in place. Collecting all four he wondered how he'd get them out of here without rupturing them as surely as they would have if they remained in here when the bomb went off, spreading a cloud of who knew what over everything south of Congress Parkway.

The axhead slammed through a closed cabin door, and another and another until Slade found what he was looking for. Running some cord through metal brackets around the nozzles of the would-be chemical bombs, Slade lugged them and his other cargo back to the engine room. The timer on the detonator shows less than a minute to get clear.

Strapping a parachute to his back, Slade checked the knots connecting the other one to the four cannisters and jumped. He did not hear the high-pitched beeping as the timer reached its last seconds. Tearing the ripcord on the loose parachute, he angled away as the cannisters jerked up, carried away and down on the northern wind. An eye kept on where they were headed, Slade pulled his own ripcord as the zeppelin burst into a new sun.

Looking up, he saw the disc speed southward and vanish in a bending of light and space.

Max Hitler had gotten away.


* * *


To be concluded in the gripping finale of this Rick Slade serial adventure!


(c) 2007-8, E. M. Held, all rights reserved

Read on, faithful few!