Showing posts with label The Hooplah. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Hooplah. Show all posts

Thursday, January 15, 2009

The Hooplah: Cover to Cover (A Literary 2008 Year in Review)

(We really just love using the phrase "Year in Review" in our posts. Expect 2009 Year in Review Previews to begin any day now!)

"The average American spends three minutes a day reading a book." -Dick Meyer, Why We Hate Us

I took in this sentence while racing against the clock, trying to complete a goal I've been after for a few years now: reading 52 books, cover to cover, in one year. Were Meyer's statistic to mean something to me, it'd be that I need to get out more.

As it stands, I defy the average with my love of reading. I'll tell you right now, I didn't finish Why We Hate Us in time, and can only say I finished 52 books during 2008, though the very first was started in late 2007.

And truthfully, two books were finished that I had started...oh...at least four years ago, if not more, but I didn't cross that 50% threshold, meaning I finished the majority in 2008, so I'd have cheated a little in counting them toward my goal.

But enough about what I didn't do, what I might've read or how sneakily I almost crossed the finish line. I still read thousands of pages and dozens of books, absorbing the full gamut of fiction's genre offerings and battling against the perception that non-fiction is for dry, old professors and grad students.

So read on, as we've been asking you to do since late 2007, and see what treasures (and trash) last year brought.

***

Figuring out what one read over the last year (or six months or week) can be difficult for some. As a highly organized reader (perhaps to make up for other organizational lackings), I track each book read on the bookmarks used. On the back of each bookmark, handmade from whatever random paper I have around (newspaper clipping, movie ticket, old baseball card, fridge post-it in the shape of a dog, etc.; if you want them, I'll make you some; if your friends want them, I promise a low price...), I jot down the title of the book I just finished, ten to a bookmark, with the ink used color-coded to the sort of book. Black ink = fiction; no grand literary value. Blue ink = fiction of literary value or non-fiction. Maybe 2009 will see a new color! (I'm a dork.)

I now have a handy record going back nearly six years. Can you remember what you read in the summer of 2005? Give me a few minutes and I can tell you, possibly to the week.

So in organizing this review, I've laid out the bookmarks affected and am overall happy with the material consumed. This list doesn't include comic book trades/collections or graphic novels; while many could be considered books (density, story structure, themes, pure length), I've got enough to review without bringing them into the mix.

Beginning with the last book started in 2007 (finished in 2008), here they are:



0. The Unburied by Charlies Palliser - I'll be brief, since this was technically an '07 book. An intriguing mystery set in the 19th century amid the scholarly world of a cathedral & its school, I'd recommend this to those who enjoy historical fiction and history in general. Much is to be said about the way it delves into our research in and impressions about the past.

1. Wicked by Gregory Maguire - I saw the musical version of the book on New Year's Eve 2007, with Mandy, Buck and his wife. This spurred both of us husbands to read the book our wives heartily enjoyed. For my part, I found it an excellent political satire, mixed with the "unknown" backstory of the witches of Oz. Just as good as everyone says, full of characters as realized as any "literary" fiction, it's turned into the first of a series (Son of a Witch; A Lion Among Men) that promises more hours of enjoyment. If you've seen the musical, you don't know half the story.

2. Congressional Anecdotes by Paul F. Bollers, Jr. - part of a series of anecdotal volumes dedicated to the US government, Congressional Anecdotes culls from over two hundred years of US political history, from the very first Congress to sometime in the early 90s, when this was published. An updated volume is sorely needed. These are stories, bits of gossip, confirmed rumor and, of coruse, anecdotes that've survived through the years because, in large part, you get a better idea of the character of the people we choose to lead us by their foibles, slip-ups, outrages and humor than any major speeches. You don't have to be a political junkie to enjoy these often-hilarious, always enlightening stories about those folks on the Hill.

3. True Grit by Charles Portis - seen the movie? Old John Wayne as the one-eyed Rooster Cogburn is a face seared into our collective memory, but the characters in this book come alive just as clearly as the best film. It's all about the narrator, a 14-yr-old girl, getting justice for the murder of her father; accompanying her is gruff US Marshall Rooster Cogburn. A western (and American) classic, take time to read this short novel that is best summed up by its title.

4. Soon I Will Be Invincible by Austin Grossman - Also read by Buck (after my praise), Grossman's first novel is one of the best first novels I've read, and it's not the only one on this list. Switching between two narrators, the perennial-jailbird supervillain and the new, untested heroine, SIWBI manages to not just offer a tongue-in-cheek look at traditional comic book tropes, but also a crackling good story. The stories are simple: Dr. Impossible, supervillain, desires to conquer the world and, after breaking out of prison, sets to it; Fatale, new part-human/part-robot heroine, is asked to join the preeminent hero team and there her adventure (in part of self-discovery) begins. A humorous adventure yarn, I cannot recommend it enough. Very sharp writing.

5. Duma Key by Stephen King - the most recent novel by the most popular American novelist, this is a return to form for King, a horror story. Edgar loses an arm, gets divorced and moves to the Florida island Duma Key where, much to his surprise, he discovers he can paint. It might not sound riveting, but trust me when I say it is. King explores "phantom pain/sensation" to startling effect, providing first a ghost story (with a tinge of HP Lovecraft) that moves quickly to supernatural horror. Potentially the best horror novel King has written in years.

6. Heart-Shaped Box by Joe Hill - the author's full name is Joe Hillstrom King, and yes, he is the son of #5's author. But we don't need to know that to enjoy this first novel, also a ghost story. As far as hauntings go, Hill knows the basics, how to get the chills going up your spine. If you have the cash, get this in paperback; if not, certainly a library read. The protagonist (aging rock star) is not always sympathetic (in fact isn't, for much of the book), but that doesn't matter when bad things are happening to him. A quick read for Halloween time.

7. Elantris by Brandon Sanderson - the best fantasy read in 2008 was not part of a sprawling epic or a revered classic. This first novel by Sanderson, the best first novel on the list, is a done-in-one fantasy that I tosses the familiar archetypes and stories right out the window. No Dark Lord to conquer, no elves, no wizened sorcerer leading a young farmer - this is the story of a prince who's been cursed (left for dead, but he refuses to say die); his betrothed (made a widow before she even met her prospective husband) left to fend for herself amid a scheming court; and a priest sent to convert the prince's country to the true faith, else it be put to the sword by his overlords. Sanderson was chosen to complete the late Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time epic (Jordan died writing the final, 12th, volume), and I picked up Elantris to see what the young gun was all about. Far from disappointed, I now purchase his novels in hardcover when the come out. In this economy. Without discount. That's the dedication I have to this amazing talent. If you were ever curious about fantasy as a genre, but were turned off by 1,000 page tomes or mammoth series, fear not: you can buy Elantris.

8. The Children's Blizzard by David Laskin - as a child of the Midwest, I love a good tale of inclement weather. Laskin here recounts the January 12, 1988, storm that killed over 500 souls, many of them schoolchildren trapped in single-room schools or trying to run home through the whiteout conditions and freezing temperatures. It is a tragic story, so don't expect a bunch of smiling faces, but some lived. And it's to remember the survivors and the dead that Laskin penned this well-researched account.

9. Mistborn I: The Final Empire by Brandon Sanderson - the other book I picked up by Sanderson, The Final Empire is the first in a trilogy (just completed) that poses the question "What if the Dark Lord won?" Few fantasies have dealt with this concept as well as Sanderson, and the world he builds (along with a unique, metal-based magic system) is wholly realized and sound. I devoured this book in days. You can see how Sanderson improved his craft between this and Elantris, with tighter action and steadier pacing. Not to diminish his first work; both are the works of a great writer.

10. The Little Ice Age by Brian M. Fagan - Is Al Gore right? Are we in a global warming trend, or are we coming out of a little ice age that began some seven hundred years ago? Fagan's scholarly work is certainly for history buffs, and those interested in the environmental debate. It focuses far more on cultural impact, and there could've been a touch more on the eco-side of things, but the overall book works. A little dry at times.

11. Star Wars: Legacy of the Force II - Bloodlines by Karen Traviss -Star Wars holds a special place in my heart. I've read dozens of EU ("Expanded Universe" - stories beyond the movies) books and comics; they are what got me to read so many years ago. The "Legacy of the Force" series picks up over thirty years after the original movie, with original characters aging and the focus moving to their children. This series' main goal is to reintroduce the Sith as opposing agents to the Jedi, and to shake up the galactic order (hasn't that happened enough?). I read Betrayal, the first volume, in summer 2007. Good, not great; intriguing. I waited until I could read a larger chunk of the series (as evidenced below) and have mixed feelings. All of Karen Traviss' contributions were excellent explorations of secondary characters, the military and aspects not often touched on in the main Skywalker/Solo stories (like, families that fail). I can recommend her efforts, but not Denning's (Allston is always good for a yarn). Troy Denning's installments ruined the series for me. Most of you probably won't start a nine-book Star Wars series. The few who will should use the library or used book stores. It isn't worth full price. The promising elements (Han & Leia's son falling to the Dark Side, but for "teh greater good;" Boba Fett facing death and family; the Jedi order balancing ethics vs. governmental responsibility with Luke right in the middle) were never realized. Better I go through this than you.

12. SW: LotF III - Tempest by Troy Denning - shame on you Troy Denning! A competent author, I just don't think the man works in the Star Wars universe. His stories feel written for middle-aged women, specifically those gunning for Harlequin romances. He also plays over favorites with characters, not terrible in itself, but awful when you force everyone else to act out of character to justify your favorites' actions. Not good. Poor writing!

13. SW: LotF IV - Exile by Aaron Allston - he's a work horse, that Aaron Allston. He turns in competent writing with each of his installments in the series, burdened as he is by Denning's characters (Traviss ignores them). For good Allston Star Wars EU, check out the Wraith Squadron series.

14. Ghosts of the Fireground by Peter M. Leschak - it's dry like kindling, but unfortunately it rarely catches fire (horrible metaphor!). If you can get past the first 50 pages and into the actual firefighting (and the counterpoint story of the Great Peshtigo Fire, the best part of the whole book), it'll hold your attention. But this is a magazine article about Peshtigo ballooned into a self-important memoir.

15. SW: LotF V - Sacrifice by Karen Traviss - as always, great work, Karen.

16. No Heroes by Chris Offutt - this book has a stuffed possum on the cover. Buy it for that, stay for the Appalachian portrait of life at the turn of the 20th Century. Offutt's memoir is endearing and informative of his past, though suffers from a poor ending. But, until the last few pages (where's my epilogue?!), it's a keeper. His prose is clear and original in describing his early life in these hollows and on the ridges and coming "home" again to teach at Morehead State University, trying to "fit in" with a crowd he hadn't been a part of for 20 years. Running parallel is the story of his in-laws, telling their Holocaust survival story; the title is most significant with their tragic recollections. If you ever worked the Appalachian Service Project (you know who you are), it might be very informative about the people you're helping.

17. SW: LotF VI - Inferno by Troy Denning - boo!

18. The Hunt for Red October by Tom Clancy - I started this and got bored about twelve years ago. How young I was. Most of you know the story, about a renegade Russian defecting with his experimental sub (and officers). The book is known for introducing Clancy hero Jack Ryan, who has been the lead character almost without fail in all of Clancy's subsequent techno-military thrillers. It's also a first book! Another! While the jargon can get you, and the technical exposition is unnecessary at times, it's a lot tighter than it has any right to be. Rent the movie, enjoy it's brisk pace and suspense. Then read the book, and discover a master fiction writer developing his craft. (This is the first of a series of books I read this year that I had previously started and set aside. For this one, I began from page one again.)

19. SW: LotF VII - Fury by Aaron Allston - sort of yay.

20. The Size of Thoughts: Essays and Other Lumber by Nicholson Baker - okay, who here reads essays for fun? Anyone? Nicholson Baker is an essayist at heart, a humorist second and a fiction writer third. This collection covers the first two, including the massive exploration of the world "Lumber" and all its historical contexts (such as, lumber meaning the thoughts collecting dust in our head). This section is a researcher's dream, as he's scoured hundreds of sources to discover one word's curious past. The preceding essays, including one memorable work on the dying card-catalog system, are in the least quirky & well-written, if not also intellectual and humorous. A note: he's like Seinfeld, in that he chooses small things to write about, minutiae, and this can seem a waste of paper to some. I wouldn't give up the time I spent reading about movie projectors here for the world. Some great stuff. I started this one about four or so years ago, got a hundred pages in and stopped (that's about a third); finishing it felt good.

21. The Good Brother by Chris Offutt - this was originally a school read, and introduced me to Chris Offutt. I haven't always been a diligent student, and stopped after a few chapters, as I didn't need to finish it for a good grade. I went back and started over, happy that I did. Virgil's brother Boyd is murdered in rural Kentucky as part of a larger (but ultimately meaningless) kin feud; it cannot stand, but Virgil isn't the violent type. His choices (and eventual flight to Montana) spur a dynamic story that rightly won praise. However, the ending almost comes from left field, and may be a bit intense for the preceding 250+ pages, but this portrait of a man driven to murder to avenge his brother, and the ramifications that send him a thousand miles from home, has stuck with me. There's no doubt I'll check out Offutt's work again.

22. Shadow by Bob Woodward - started while Clinton was still in Office, this book looks at how all Presidents have lived in the shadow of Watergate, with everyone on the lookout for a scandal or smear. How this impacted each of the five subsequent Presidents depends on the man and the problem(s). Although it needs an update either through Clinton's full second term (nothing about his pardons) or into GW Bush's tenure, as it stands, it's a very evenhanded look at a political office fraught with stress, animosity and little relief. I can recommend it, for the political-minded among you (all you Political Hoedown readers), but it may be a little dry for the average Joe. Still, Clinton's chapters read like a mix between soap opera, farce and legal drama.

23. Winesburg, Ohio by Sherwood Anderson - technically not a novel, but a collection of short stories that tells a larger tale, it's held in some regard by literary historians. I found it more/less engaging, but it is dated in its writing style. But thinking back, I do want to recommend it, and I shall. It might not be extremely adventurous, but the themes of loneliness and despair - the desire of these small-town Ohioans to escape both - rise above the period and hold a timeless quality. It's American at a changing time, early 20th Century, the age of progress, innovation and upheaval still ahead. But these folks can't cope. All tell their stories to a young man who dreams of leaving, to become Something Different in a bigger world.

24. Fitzpatrick's War by Theodore Judson - best science fiction novel of the year; this one is amazing. I don't know if it's the style of writing, the characters or the setting (a few hundred years hence, with the world order completely turned on its head after mass riots, genocide, WMD-type attack, the elimination of the capacity to produce electricity, the return of steam power, and world war threatened at every turn); everything clicked for me. The novel's conceit is that it's a reprinting of the annotated autobiography of a controversial (and in academic circles, despised) former military and political leader, the right hand of the revered (and late) king/emperor/dictator, Fitzpatrick. Through his eyes, we see the young Fitzpatrick move from military academy and frivolity to take his hereditary place as head of the Yukon Confederacy, the world power at this point. From there, mass war (for the betterment of all) is waged, the tragedies that came before are revisited and we understand why the truths in this "autobiography" have been censored for so long. Much is taken from real history (Fitzpatrick is modeled after Alexander the Great; his military campaigns mirror Alexander's to a degree), altered to fit the story. In that, it underscores what we've always known: history repeats itself. At times grim and tragic, I was never disappointed by the narrative drive or the emotional core of this achievement.

25. Stick To Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain by Scott Adams - it's a (near) daily blog by Dilbert-writer/artist Scott Adams, reprinted in book form. So, that makes it by default funny, easy to read (with one or two page entries, the time commitment is loooow) and full of snark. You may not agree with every socio-cultural stance he takes, but I can assure you there'll be a few belly laughs to be had.

26. The Brief History of the Dead by Kevin Brockmeier - a great romance, wonderful speculative fiction, very introspective. I don't want to say much, but it deals with a plague, a city of the dead and (potentially) the last woman alive on earth, trekking across the Antarctic to find someone - anyone. The two narratives working off each other form a great dissertation on enduring memory. Now in paperback, and widely available due to great reviews, there is no excuse not to read this.

27. A Year at the Movies by Kevin Murphy - his task was to watch a movie a day for a full calendar year, not always as easy as it sounds. Kevin Murphy is best known as a writer and actor on Mystery Science Theater 3000 (he was Tom Servo) and this book is nothing else but a continued love note to the movies. He can be very pretentious at times, snobby even about what he considers to be "good cinema," but art is subjective. So on balance, good. I'd have liked more reviews of the movies he sees instead of asides or stories about how he saw them (which aren't always interesting). Why does he think this is great and that is trash?

28. The Crimson Petal and the White by Michael Faber - set in Victorian-era England, and featuring a cast as varied as it gets, this sprawling epic follows the life of the highly intelligent Sugar, a sought-after prostitute, and her rise from the gutter to high society. She takes up with the flaky, aimless William Rackham, a perfume baron whose own wife is full of infirmities both mental and physical (and mainly due to her isolated upbringing in prim Victorian Society) and sees her life change, not always for the best. Raucous, raunchy, insightful and a biting social satire, it "dares to go where...the works of Charles Dickens would not," to quote Amazon.com's review. While Dickens looked at the lower strata of society, you get the grittiest detail with Faber (and a caveat to gentle readers, we're dealing with hookers; it can get graphic). Dickens poked at the elite, but Faber stabs holes through them. It's also about 900+ pages long, so be prepared. What time you give it, it gives back in highly crafted story and exemplary writing.

29. The Brethren by John Grisham - another good legal thriller (featuring three crooked judges in jail, plotting a way to get out or get even) from a respected author. Widely considered one of his better books, and I won't disagree. A beach read for me.

30. The Black Echo by Michael Connelly - his first novel, and therefore the first appearance of his famous detective Harry Bosch, The Black Echo is a well-constructed murder mystery that balloons, as these things will, into a far larger plot. As it turns out, the murder victim is known to the wild card Det. Bosch, in fact was a former Vietnam tunnel rat who deserves more than he got. During the investigation, Bosch tries to unravel who would want to kill the man - making it look like an overdose - and what they could be after. The writing is fresh and eager; you can tell this is a "young" fiction writer (though Connelly was not exactly a kid when he wrote this) aiming to please and avoid sameness. Followed by...gosh, a dozen more books, roughly.

31. Hawke by Ted Bell - do you like action? Gun fights and lithe beauties? Secret agents and dastardly plots? This is an action super-secret agent movie in book form. A little trite at times, and the characters are hardly three-dimensional, but that's not the sort of book this is. It's light, entertaining fluff. Three sequels follow.

32. Killing Floor by Lee Child - Child's first Jack Reacher novel (and first novel); I read this on Buck's recommendation and there was no looking back! It's a 1st person narration, looking at a murder that leads to more sinister (and clever) scheme. Wrongly arrested Reacher, fresh from a career as a military policeman, has to navigate the "good old boys" small town south while trying to prove absolutely his innocence and find the killer, all without getting killed or sleeping alone...if you catch my drift. It's a bit hard-boiled, sometimes over-serious, but I have two more Reacher installments on my shelf to be read this year. A solid start.

33. The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova - so...Dracula's real? And still alive?! That's the conceit, hinted at, of this astounding literary horror event. A woman tells of her and her father's exploits trying to follow the real-life trail of Vlad the Impaler, thought to be Dracula the immortal vampire. Far-fetched? In Kostova's hands, we get a thoroughly researched novel that crosses thousands of miles in eastern Europe, England, Spain and Turkey, all painstakingly described. In fact, the settings are as much characters as not. You can read it for the surface Search, or delve deeper into the notions of continuing violence and war, how we try to stop it and yet never seem to; or maybe you find an appreciation of history itself, the delicate string that adds depth and qualification to our modern lives. Whatever you choose to look for, still read the book (which is yet another first novel).

34. I Am Legend by Richard Matheson - any edition of this short novel comes with a few short stories, FYI. The title tale, of an average man surviving a vampire apocalypse until he (supposedly) becomes that last man living, is quiet and terrifying. If you saw the movie, you missed the subtlety and crippling frustration that grips the main character; against the latter he fights every day. This is a survivor's story as much as about "vampires." And the ending, nothing like the movie, is truly chilling. The back-up short stories range from top-notch to forgettable. Matheson is prolific, especially with shorter work, so you're going to get some chaff with the wheat.

35. Rock On: An Office Power Ballad by Dan Kennedy - Kennedy is a humorist with the best of them. His self-deprecating musings carry all the snark and eye-rolling we've come to expect from the Not Exactly Greatest Generation, Gen X. In his second "memoir" (and I use that term loosely), he recounts his days at a fading record label working the Dream: he actually gets to meet the rockers, be a part of the music process, interact with the raw creativity...from behind his desk and at marketing meetings, and through the veil of management and product placement. Oh, and by "fading," I mean the label is about two steps from a buy-out or bankruptcy. So he picked the wrong time to join up. Bust a gut laughing as I did and get this slim volume.

36. America Alone: The End of the World as We Know It by Mark Steyn - while more serious in subject than Rock On, Steyn writes with no less humor. Addressing the spread of "Islamofacism" and Islam as a faith - and all the cultural, political and demographic shifts that entails - he posits that "Western Society" has turned the corner to extinction, or minority-status within its own countries. Only America, strangely immune to the siren song of the iman, hasn't shown a trend to Islamification. Now, whether you agree or not on the merit of this (demographically, the shift in Europe is real, with most countries' native populations not procreating at replacement levels, while Islamic immigrants are virtual baby factories), the book is very intriguing. It'll make you think and bring you smack dab in the middle of this ongoing and vital conversation.

37. City of Tiny Lights by Patrick Neate - it's a murder mystery told by a Pakistani ex-mujihadeen slacker detective set in London. It's funny, original and I'd even go so far as to say bold, in that it tackles Islamic extremism not from a political point-of-view, but from the street-level. And really, that's a side note to the overall story, the half-comedic struggle of the detective to Make Something of Himself for his Dad. To read the book, it helps to have a passing familiarity to British slang.

38. SW: LotF VIII - Revelation by Karen Traviss - my only regret when reading this was that I had to follow it up with a Denning book to finish the story. Other than that, Traviss has become a favorite author of mine.

39. SW: LotF IX - Invincible by Troy Denning - I have posted a review of this book. Read it, to be entertained. To summarize: it sucks hard, long and without shame. This is bad writing at its finest (worst?).

40. Devils on the Deep Blue Sea by Kristoffer A. Garrin - Raise your hand if you've 1) been on a cruise, 2) thought about going on a cruise or 3) watched "The Love Boat." Lots of hands! This book is for you, and everyone else. It's a rollicking history of the cruise boat industry (what we have now, post-WWII, not Titanic-era), spiritedly mixing fact and anecdote, personal history and boardroom battles and including all the warts, lawsuits and infractions along with the successes. Rarely gets dry (docked...ba-dum ching!) or muddled in the epic cast of real-life characters. And yes, if you are a fit, attractive (and legal) gal, your activities director wants to sleep with you.

41. Farewell, Summer by Ray Bradbury - this is a companion novel to Dandelion Wine and was originally the second half of that book. Where as the former deals with summer without end and the citizens of a small Illinois farm town north of Chicago (circa 1910), this volume brings the characters to autum and fall, with school approaching and, for the children, maturity. I'd read both books together for full affect; they really are parts 1 & 2 of a story, not separate books. Individually, adults (especially those moving through and past middle age), will get more out of this than kids.

42. 1912 by James Chace - this final book by the late Chace makes me want to hunt down everything else he's written. Following President William Howard Taft (R; lazily running for reelection), Woodrow Wilson (D; determined to snag victory), Teddy Roosevelt (Progressive/Bull Moose; bounding for the victory line with all the machismo he can muster) and Eugene Debs (Socialist; illuminating a fairer, less revolutionary view than his socialist successors), 1912 gives us the year-and-change campaign that changed American politics. First, it broke the stranglehold on the White House Republicans had enjoyed for most of the previous fifty years. Second, it is a stunning reminder that third parties can work, when backed by ideas and personality. Finally, it started the true liberal/conservative deathmatch that's been going on every since. Anyone with even the slightest interest in politics will find this tome priceless. You can also see that current President-Elect Obama borrows more from Republican/Progressive history from this time than Democratic.

43. The FairTax Book by Neal Boortz & John Linder - no one likes taxes, right? These guys don't. Linder's a Georgian Congressman who's been pushing a flat national sales tax for years. With Boortz, he's put together the best explanation for why such a tax is needed/would benefit the average guy/isn't a way to reward the Top 1%. With another round of tax cuts imminent, it's vital to understand this revenue stream for the government and where the money comes from. I urge you to check this out from your library (or buy it new or used) to at least get some more insight on another aspect of this debate. Regressive tax, flat tax, no tax - we all have heard the terms, but rarely understand the nature of each side.

44. Girl With Curious Hair by David Foster Wallace - Wallace, recently deceased (by his own hand), wrote with astonishing complexity and great wit. Here are presented a collection of early stories and a novella that remind us why he was considered one of the best writers of his generation. Not for the "light" reader; he can be funny, but he's also post-modern or whatever wacky tag you want to give such deconstructive work. Challenging? That might be better. But rewarding, too.

45. The Teammates by David Halberstam - a short book that covers sixty years of baseball history, seen through the friendship of four Red Sox: Dominic DiMaggio, Johnny Peske, Bobby Doerr and the tempestuous Ted Williams. You don't have to love baseball to appreciate this story of four friends and the game they loved. It's short, so that helps.

46. Thank You For Smoking by Christopher Buckley - funnier than the movie, with a similar story, read this if you like satire, poking fun at Washington DC and/or political correctness, good ficton or the bizarre nature of the smoking debate. It's one of his earliest novels and probably sharpest. For the movie-watchers: his son plays a smaller role, the kidnapping makes more sense and the main character's workplace is more than just a set. Nick Naylor is a "smokesman," the main PR guy for Big Tobacco's lobbying firm, and he's good at what he does. He can take most insults and turn them right back around with a smile on his face, but he'll admit to being rattled after an appearance on the Larry King Show when a caller threatens to kill him. A kidnapping a near-death experience only highlight his growing unease with his job, with what he is as a person.

47. The Inheritance by Samuel G. Freedman - following three families from the FDR-era through the 1994 mid-term election, we see the American political majority move from left to right. It's slow at times, but so is history. These stories serve as an example of how politics can both empower and enfeeble our great country. Ambitious for the "light" reader, with some dedication it can bring a greater understanding of the polarization facing our country. A decent follow-up to 1912.

48. Timeline by Michael Crichton - Crichton, like Grisham or King, is a master of popular fiction. This techno-thriller is a time-travel adventure/mystery/rescue, featuring wild scientific theory, medieval combat and just enough grounding in reality to make you think it might all be possible (as with most Crichton novels). I enjoyed it and recommend it; one of his bests. It's a shame that he passed away late last year, but we still have one more book to look forward to around mid-Year.

49. Sarum by Edward Rutherford - 1,000+ pages, dozens of characters, a ten thousand-year-long story, Stonehenge(!): This is Rutherford's first book, roughly the size five books by a normal author, but who cares? It's the sort of book you settle in to read for a month or two, preferably in winter and with lots of tea present. In Sarum, we follow five families over many generations, from the dim prehistoric hunter/gatherer years through the pagan Celtic times to Roman, medieval, Renaissance, revolution, and colonization finally to land in the mid-1980s. The binding tie for these families, at times friendly but often hostile to each other, is their location - the Sarum region in south-central England (which boasts Stonehenge). We follow their lives and those of their kin through the veil of time, as they work the land into farms, towns cities, etc. If you're a fan of James Michener, his mix of familial- and historical-epic entwined - I highly recommend this book. If you just like a ripping good story that will engross you each time you pick the book up ("I just read how many pages?!"), read this book.

50. The Mediterranean Caper by Clive Cussler - hey, the last "first novel" in the list! Cussler is, thirty-four years after penning this adventure, a go-to name for action & treasure-huntin' fiction. The Mediterranean Caper introduces us to Dirk Pitt, hero of more than a dozen tales by Cussler (and more recently, his own son...Dirk Cussler). He's a hard man, but fair; not unwilling to slap a woman, but just as likely to bed her for her own good. Wait.... Ok, he's a little rough by today's standards, but this is a pulp novel and those archetypes are normal. Indiana Jones is comparable, and Dirk comes off by novel's end as a character you want to revisit. It's a by-the-numbers action mystery, trussed up with fresh characters and plenty of energy. A solid beginning for Dirk Pitt's adventures and Clive Cussler's blockbuster career.

51. Why Do Men Fall Asleep After Sex? by Mark Leyner and Billy Goldberg, MD - the follow-up to the informative and side-splitting Why Do Men Have Nipples?, this collection of mundane, bizarre and important questions about our health and bodies doesn't quite satisfy like the first volume, but for the price you can get it at used or new (bestsellers are cheap!), that's OK. The authors include a lot of IM discussions they had, describing the writing of this book and the comedy it entailed; that part could've been trimmed. But the questions are still oddly compelling in their simplicity and the answers satisfactory. Thus, I can say I got more out of it than not.

52. (or 51 1/2). Why We Hate Us by Dick Meyer - do you think the US is self-loathing? Do we despise our culture even as we feed it with our attention, or think our public figures are mockeries of good morals, yet can't get enough? What about our government and politics - do you sleep at night thinking they're all on the level, that everything is being done for the better good? Meyer looks at why there's a perception among many that the US is in the pooper - culturally, morally and politically. Ideas about community, pluralism, decency and shared responsibility permeate this not-overlong discourse. One critique: he should've spent more time on solutions than problems. Oh, but that's the end of the book, and I didn't finish it until many hours after the stroke of Midnight on Dec. 31, 2008. Ah well. I've loaned the book out once already, and have another few customers waiting for its return.


Almost made it.

I started the (relatively) short Why We Hate Us the evening of the 29th through the New Year, and just couldn't find time on the 30th and 31st to finish. Between traveling back from seeing the in-laws in OH (30th) and work & a New Year's Eve party (31st), it wasn't in the cards.

But I came close, and over the course of 2008 I read a number of great books, many purchased on a whim or read on recommendation. We don't always have to choose our reading list from the New York Times bestseller list or whatever Oprah fancies. Between the million-selling blockbuster and the (melo)dramatic memoir are the foundations of good literature, the vast unsung catalog that supports libraries, bookstores and readers like me. As you can see, I am not opposed to the popular, but also do not let myself be dictated to by BookScan's weekly numbers.

2009 sees me reading C.S. Lewis' The Chronicles of Narnia, a series I have yet to read, in a wonderful boxed edition of small paperbacks from the 70s that Mandy got for me two Christmases (?) ago. Next on the shelf? The Last Templar by Raymond Khoury; Stephen Lawhead's Song of Albion trilogy; Devil's Cape by Rob Rogers; Paris 1919: Six Months That Changed the World by Margaret MacMillan; The Devil Drives: A Life of Sir Richard Burton by Fawn Brodie; Maps and Legends by Michael Chabon; City of Pearl by Karen Traviss (something good came out of "Legacy of the Force!"); Civility and Integrity by Stephen L. Carter; and quite literally hundreds more.

I hope you enjoyed following me over the last year's worth of reading. Love of the printed word is a passion I enjoy sharing with everyone I meet; you readers are no different.

So I release you! Print this out and head to the bookstore - your Barnes and Nobles, Borders, Books-a-Millions, Andersons, Brent's; Half-Priced, Frugal Muse, Myopic Books, etc. Amble up and down the aisles as you pick an armload of books that threatens to rob you of the mortgage payment. And if that's an issue, everyone that reads this has access to a local library, still the best way for the prolific reader not to become the destitute, well-read vagrant.

An added treat from all of this: I will begin reviewing the books I read, in clumps of ten (per bookmark, remember). If I get time, I'll go back and see what good reads lurk under the stones of previous years.

Until next time.

-Hooper

For many great book reviews, check out Bookgasm: Reading Material to Get Excited About.




Read on, faithful few!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

The Hooplah: "I am the late afternoon, Claire-bear."


What do you get when you cross Horn-Rimmed Glasses Man (Noah Bennett of Heroes) with billionaire vigilante Bruce Wayne (Batman)?

Domestic Batman!



I...have too much time to doodle.

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

Monday, January 5, 2009

The Hooplah Comic Book 2008 Year in Review


2008: it was the year that saw me quit.

Now, before you get all up in arms, I didn't give up all comics; I'm not that strong. I'll still get trades/graphic novels/collections - those thick ones you see at the local bookstore. But I did decide enough is enough and have forsaken the purchase of single issues of comic books. I am finishing out two stories (Final Crisis and JSA: Kingdom Come) and once done, I can say I'm done.

Let me tell you why: it's all about cost vs. quality. Though comics have seen a resurgence in popular appeal (and both dollar-share and unit sales have gone up over the last few years), it's come at a high price. Constantly tying in an ongoing story to whatever movie or video game or cartoon is to be released damages the content; shoe-horning certain characters into a larger crossover can destroy that title's momentum and discourage new readers.

Earlier this month, I had thought about trying a comic year in review, looking at the major stories, creator moves and industry happenings, but I can't really work up that much enthusiasm. It is the year that saw me decide to quit singles, as I've said. That should be indicative right there of my opinion on these last twelve months.

It's a stretch that's seen ongoing, monthly titles not release twelve issues in a year. Delays have not always been a hallmark of the comic industry. One only has to look back at the way things were before Image set up shop - and even at the Big Two in the few years following - to see how things should be. Story and character was placed before writer and artist. The age of the comic-creator-as-superstar took firm hold with the splashy, million+ selling titles of Image in the early 90s where narrative was sacrificed for art, for flash-in-the-pan doodles that, in the end, proved unsustainable on the whole. That's Image, you say, the worst offender.

Look at DC's banner event this year, Final Crisis, or several years' back to Marvel's Civil War. Each had superstar artists and writers attached, yet neither, even with proper lead-time, could come close to a monthly schedule. A month-long hiatus was built into Final Crisis, yet it still has two more issues to go when we were to be at the finish line in a matter of weeks. We can blame artist JG Jones for the delays, which have lead to new artist hirings to Get Things Finished. Civil War just stopped and rescheduled part-way through to accommodate Steve McNiven's laborious penciling, yet for anyone who's seen the finished product, one has to wonder what he was doing with his time....

It's been a year of delays, a year of outright scheduling failures and a year of amazing wordplay on the part of Dan Didio, DC editor-in-Chief. Anything that's been received poorly, be it the ending to Batman RIP or the delays on Final Crisis or the Countdown/Death of the New Gods fiasco, were all part of the plan. To read his interviews over at Newsarama, you'd think he's unflappable in the face of criticism and the best damn liar ever. He plays with words like Jaws with Robert Shaw; there is no escape from the black hole of his blatant duplicity. The truth is absorbed and repurposed to make either DC or him the victim of outside forces beyond control. Maybe we just don't get it.

You'd think from that I'd be done with DC, but as stated, my last few singles will be DC issues - Final Crisis and JSA. For whatever reason, DC just puts out a better product, delays or not. Marvel's gotten a better hang of Event publishing, putting out World War Hulk, it's tie-ins and the whole shebang of Secret Invasion without too many hitches (Marvel leaves those for the Ultimates), but what they've sacrificed is coherency and story. World War Hulk was a two-issue fight stretched over a five-issue mini and thirty-seven tie-in issues. What story existed was reliant upon knowledge of Planet Hulk (recapped in a summary page) and in no way merited such a waste of trees and cash.

The worst offender, however, is Secret Invasion: eight issues, seven tie-in minis (for twenty-two issues) and seventy-one
related issues in ongoing series and one-shots, all for a half-day fight that we knew would end with the heroes winning. That's ONE HUNDRED AND ONE issues all told.

Brian Michael Bendis is the culprit, not Didio's opposite, Joe Quesada (himself responsible in large part for the Spider-Man: One More Day train wreck). He's been masterminding this event for the last few years through his post as chief Avengers scribe and plotter. It was a fantasy for him, a dream to write this sprawling, pulp alien invasion mega-story, and it serves as a culmination to his run. You know what? Kurt Busiek, another Avengers writer (and one a mite bit better than BMB), had a great run a few years back, and it too culminated in a mega-story, an Event featuring the conquest of Earth by the despot Kang. Great swaths of real estate were destroyed, characters died and it was truly a world-shaking story. At the end of it all, you know what?

It all took place in pages of The Avengers. No mini. No tie-ins with other titles.

And this story lasted for months and months, essentially the last year of Busiek's tenure. Surely it could've been a four-month event, if the story could've been disassembled and scattered around two or four-issue minis featuring Spider-man and Wolverine and Thor and the Great Lakes Avengers and etc. But Busiek – and Marvel at the time – were a little smarter and still contained stories so you didn’t generate Event Fatigue, what we suffer from greatly now. DC managed this also, from the time of the original Crisis through the Death of Superman, Batman's breaking, Zero Hour and even that odd non-event, The Kingdom. Heck, Identity Crisis had ramifications in other titles, but the story was a done-in-one-miniseries, a small "e" event.

In ye olden days, an event such as Secret Invasion would not have crossed over into every other title but stayed contained in one Avengers' mini, with the side stories being woven in or dropped, and only Avengers-centric comics propelling the story forward. X-Men or Spidey titles could reference after the fact, but not be interrupted.

Probably the best example of major event referencing was in Grant Morrison's JLA, when Superman briefly became electric (boogey woogey woogey). It wasn't a big thing, just a throwaway line (and a great use of the new powers), but were the same to happen today, you can know that all the Supes titles plus JLA and maybe some of the other major player books would've had a piece of the story.

It's not enough to write a good story anymore. All comics have to be Events. I think this, over everything else, is just ruining the monthly comic trade.

Sure, the price point for entry is higher than ever (completely beyond inflation), but you can trade-wait and get discounts per issue, or use subscription services that offer up to 35% off. Singles can be made affordable, and there might, in the future, be a backlash with creators offering their titles for less at independent publishers (Warren Ellis is good for this).

No, Event Fatigue, as I mentioned above, saps the will to read these stories. I can't get full enjoyment, the thinking goes, unless I read all fifty issues of this story, regardless of how thin the connection is between The Runaways and an X-Men event, or Adam Strange and a Wonder Woman epic. It's a barrier erected for sales that erodes readership long-term. You don't win fresh, life-long readers with a continuity-laden, dozens-of-issues-spanning story.

Where are the single issue tales? What happened to them? Why do we need to spring from catastrophe to Armageddon to universal undoing and then back to street-level disaster that spawns a major conflict?

I love comics and the opportunity they offer creators to tell visual stories big and small without the budgetary restraints of modern Hollywood. For all the current deficiencies, I cannot see myself giving them up entirely, but singles? I can't do it anymore.

Any thoughts, Buck?


Buck: I’ll start with a brief comment about trade-waiting. The only real problem I have with it is the continued tendency from the Big Two to publish every collected storyline in a “prestige” or “deluxe” (and I use those terms very loosely) hardcover format. If the softcover edition were published simultaneously, this wouldn’t be a problem. But as it stands now, the more inexpensive softcover editions are not published until several months, sometimes up to a year, later. I can only assume there are people who are actually shelling out $20-$25 for a book that would have cost you $18 if you’d bought the individual issues. Whereas I, the consumer who waits for the softcover, usually pay $13-15 for what would have cost $18. It saves me money in the end, but the practice of publishing virtually your entire output in hardcover first is infuriating. The only problem is that by waiting for the collections, sometimes by the time I discover a title, it’s already been cancelled. It’s a Catch-22 when dealing with the second-tier books from each publisher.

Hooper: As a trade-waiter, I must agree. I cannot abide waiting the extra months for the softcover of a series that should never have a hardcover release. In my eyes, HCs should be reserved for the big deal books, not every story arc. Though it is one of the best comics being published, do I need an HC of each Booster Gold trade? Of course not, it's ridiculous.

A few more points:

Just for the record, I was done with singles over a year ago. The only single issues I’ve bought since making the decision have been the two event miniseries of 2008, Final Crisis and Secret Invasion, and Matt Fraction’s excellent Thor specials from Marvel.

Regarding McNiven’s art on Civil War…to be fair, McNiven’s art is far from horrible. I actually enjoy his work. I assume you mean it’s not extremely detail-oriented, and that’s why you’ve questioned the delay. If that’s the case, I agree.


Hooper: That is exactly the case. I can understand the hyper-detailed work of Bryan Hitch, Frank Quitely or, say, Ladronn taking more time, but McNiven would skimp on background and faces. There is a quantity of art I expect from delays, not just a quality.

Buck: In light of the comments regarding Didio, I’ll also mention Marvel’s explanation (or lack thereof) for the mechanics by which Spider-Man was made a bachelor again following a deal with the devil. The explanation from Marvel Editorial about just what happened at the conclusion of the One More Day story arc? “It’s magic. We don’t have to explain it." That’s sloppy, and a slap in the face to your core audience.

Lastly, don’t think that by venting our frustrations we’re condemning the entire output of DC and Marvel. Far from it. I can recommend several good titles from each publisher. For DC, Green Lantern has been very entertaining since its relaunch, and Geoff Johns is about to re-take the writing reins of the Flash, a character he was born to write. Johns’ work on Action Comics has also drawn good reviews. I’ve been enjoying Blue Beetle, though I was late to the game and the book has already been cancelled. And as for Grant Morrison’s All-Star Superman…well, every other comic book should hope to be half as good as that. On the Marvel side, I can recommend The Immortal Iron Fist, Captain America, Runaways, Daredevil, Avengers: The Initiative, Marvel Adventures: Avengers (these last two being far and away better than the two banner Avengers titles), and Matt Fraction’s Thor work without hesitation. Ghost Rider, Agents of Atlas, and The Amazing Spider-Man have also drawn some good critiques as of late.

So we’re not abandoning comics, and we’re certainly not abandoning DC or Marvel. We just wish they’d put a little more quality into their flagship efforts.



Hooper: Buck is right. Frustrations are as cyclical in comic books as flashes of brilliance. For every Event that is delayed and screws up half a dozen other on-schedule books, there's a Booster Gold, Green Lantern, Immortal Iron Fist or Captain America that renews not only our faith in the industry as Industry, but in comic books as great pieces of entertainment.

2009 promises to be another banner year for comic book publicity: several big-name movies are coming out (Watchmen, X-Men Origin: Wolverine), and if The Dark Knight succeeds in getting major award recognition at the Oscars, we can expect more people taking a chance on the source material. Will what they find be up to snuff with some pretty stellar storytelling?

Judging from 2008, I don't have much optimism in snagging a bucketful of new readers. Marvel will be entrenched in Dark Reign, the ludicrous follow-up to Secret Invasion that has the US government handing over control of all superhuman response to a known psyche case and mass-murderer. X-Men, from the few things I've heard, continues to improve, but it's still stuck in the mire of continuity. But DC invented continuity, and it ain't breaking free in 2009. Everything builds on everything. The stories are great for old hands, but not fresh fish.

The uncollected backlist might lure new readers, finding those great old series that linger in back issue bins and repackaging them in affordable trades. DC is doing this with Justice League International, the acclaimed series from the 80s and early 90s. These old stories are unfettered by current Events, and many have set beginnings and endings, so a reader can get four or six trades and feel satisfied, whereas now they have to slog through the wasteland of ongoings, delays, rescheduling, the crossovers without end….

If DC and Marvel have, roughly two-thirds of the market, then the great hope for comic books becomes the Other Third: independents. Dark Horse, Image, IDW, Oni, Top Shelf, etc.: these are the publishers who have the greatest potential to lure in new readers with – fancy this – new stories, engaging characters, lower cost-per-story since there are fewer Events to consider. You get more genres covered, not just "superheroes," and creators are better able to flex their muscle without editorial mandates to consider. Look at Boom Studios! and their growing catalog of genres covered: high fantasy, space opera, horror, conspiracy, crime, heist, cop, supernatural. I could go on, and that's great! Other companies offer "realistic" fiction, the sort of real-world stories many don't understand are present on the racks of their local comic shop. And I'm not mentioning manga, the bookstore juggernaut sub-medium.

If all were fair, that Other Third would become the Second Half, spurring a renaissance in comics as literature and a truly engaging form of mass entertainment.

Cross(over) your fingers.

-Hooper (w/ Buck)

And by the by, thank you
Wikipedia and ComicBookResources for your excellent tie-in tallies for major event comics. Tie-ins need to mean something, as described by Alan Moore in his Twilight of the Superheroes proposal:

"The perfect mass crossover would be something like the following: it would have
a sensible and logical reason for crossing over with other titles, so that the
readers who were prompted to try a new title as a result of the crossover or
vice versa didn't feel cheated by some tenuous linkage of storylines that was at
best spurious and at worst nonexistent."

Looking over these tie-ins to find the total number of issues involved, while dollar amounts might be different or far closer, Marvel's approach is ridiculous to spread the plot out so much in a blatant cash grab, as it alienates readers new and old.

Read on, faithful few!

Sunday, January 4, 2009

The Hooplah Reviews "Spider-Man: One More Day"


A lot has already been written about this story. It's one of those comic book arcs that "breaks the Internet in two," as even the editors have started to say. But this one had good reason: it featured the manufactured end of Peter Parker's (Spider-Man) marriage to Mary Jane, his crush and love since high school (with a few interruptions).

Theirs was a star-crossed love, and it was for that reason that Mephisto, stand-in Devil of the Marvel Universe, chose to erase their marriage from existence save for a small bit from their souls to savor the anguish, the loss, the sorrow - all in exchange for the life of Aunt May.

But I don't buy it.

The Peter Parker that sell his marriage to the Devil isn't the same one who hefted a building on his back or has struggled for years to atone for one small moment of selfishness, who has given his all time and again for a city that he loves. What he does is not the reaction of an adult who's gone through life and seen how it works. Maybe the circles he runs in make him feel immune to death, as it pertains to him and those around him (in "The Other," he does die and come back and no one's all that surprised). But Aunt May is old, and if this was her time, if her getting shot was part of the plan (as was Uncle Ben's death), why can't Peter realize the lesson he's been taught time and again, that sometimes people die, and we cannot change that?

It's a bad story; there's no redeeming quality. I don't know if this is J. Michael Straczynski's fault as writer or Joe Quesada's (as editor-in-chief of Marvel, though as an artist he does a piss-poor job of helping). Editorial mandate was rumored to be the reason for how the story turned out. I'm betting that JMS wrote it 70% how it was published, and the tweaking was small. Mephisto was am editor-added part, but the dissolution of the marriage to save Aunt May was not.

And that's what gets me. It doesn't make sense for Spider-Man/Peter Parker to choose an old lady over a young, fresh marriage and a whole future. In fact, it insults Aunt May, who would've gladly sacrificed herself, but now can at some point be burdened with the knowledge that to keep her alive, two lives were broken.

My problems with the story cover all aspects of each issue.

The art was rarely good, at times giving the characters goofy, odd-shaped facial features. It's not that Quesada is a bad artist, but he was very inconsistent throughout. The "Brand New Day"/post-unmarriaging scene was good, as was the depiction of Mephisto. But Iron Man and Dr. Strange are obvious weak points for Quesada. He looks to be aping Mike Deodato's excellent, almost Vertigo-esque worked turned in a few years' back on the title, or at worst, the Spawn/Greg Capullo house style. Not suited for the story.

Good writing can overcome bad or mediocre art. I cannot honestly recommend this story, and it's because of JMS' writing. Nothing is rational, nothing is in-character, little is adult. Iron Man/Tony Stark is a heartless, fascist bastard; Dr. Strange is a parody of a sorcerer; Mary Jane is too verklempt to be the strong woman she's always written as being. Peter Parker is childish, wanting the bad things to go away; unheroic, throwing fists and irrational actions before sane reasoning; and selfish to a "t," in that he even considers ruining MJ's life or breaking her heart. I don't see how any of those could pass muster.

When asked about JMS' orignal ending at Newsarama, Joe Quesada said, "This was the story he wanted to tell. In his story, Mephisto was going to change continuity from as far back as issues #96-98 from 1971. In Joe's story, Peter drops the dime on Harry, and that helps get him into rehab right away. Consequently, MJ stays with Harry, and Gwen never dies and never has her affair with Norman, etc., etc. And in the end, Peter and MJ are never married." JMS agreed with this interpretation. He found the Mephisto/magic way a cop-out, though he was still going to make the demon an integral part of the story, just not his published actions.

Regardless, it doesn't gel either way. It's still a narrative cop-out, a deus ex machina, authorial interference. We deal with a powered rule that frequently bends and breaks natural laws, but the stories themselves are written in the real world. We can afford to suspend disbelief for the internal logic of powers and magic, but to have that fly in the face of story structure and characterization - in essence to shoehorn in established characters to fit a narrative mandate - breaks the rules. Might as well have 88 pages of Quesada and JMS explaining what happens, just pictures of them at their desks with world balloons, maybe holding up sketches of the characters for reference. "This is the story we want to tell featuring characters that look like this but behave how we need them to in a story crafted to dumb down the mythos and insult the audience."

The follow-up story/event is "Brand New Day," showing us what happens when Peter and MJ haven't been married for the last X years. People who were dead...aren't, new villains pop up, the old single dynamic abounds and there's an underlying sense of something amiss. In capable (non-JMS) hands, I hear we've been given many good to great issues that are far better than what came before. Out of the ashes of bad stories, great ideas can grown.

So check out those new issues, and if you're curious, once they undo Mephisto's bargain and reunite Peter and MJ, how this all started, check out "One More Day" from the library. Read, as I did, to satisfy an itch. But don't buy it. Don't show economic support for trash editorial moves like this. In the annals of Spider-Man history, this arc will be a blemish, not-soon-forgotten, but easy to mask. I only hope the resolution is as much reward to the fans as it is apology for what they went through to get there.


-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The Hooplah: Moral Quandry


So I feel dirty for purchasing a particular CD. See, I downloaded (for $5) Viva la Vida by Coldplay, and I don't know how I can rationalize it next to other CDs of true artistic merit in my collection. It's not a bad CD, rather catchy at times and better than other singles I've heard from them over the years. But I can't shake that by buying this, supporting this sort of...pop...I'm sullying my artistic integrity as a consumer!

This is tearing me up inside.

I understand, logically, that I shouldn't care about this. Buck thinks I worry too much about other people's opinion, but I could care less about the general public. What concerns me is me.

Friends who have discussed music with me over the years know I have broad tastes, but I tend to shy from mainstream pop & rock and hip hop/rap. All else is fair game. So the purchase of a Coldplay CD, one of the most successful pop-rock acts of the last decade forces me to reconsider, where I might not want to, those bands and CDs and genres I've so long avoided.

This is not the first time I've faced this dilemma.

When I met my wife, some six years ago, she (re)introduced me to country music, a genre I'd avoided like the plague since the early 90s and some...line dancing...that we shan't mention again. Back in Garth Brooks' heyday, I enjoyed some country, but not enough to buy any CDs. As country degenerated sharply during the 90s (not that it was at some creative heights before), I shut it out. Then came Mandy, with her bold appreciation for this type of music I had outright vilified.

Now I have two country radio presets programmed of my own free will. I found artistry within country music; more than any type, country best continues the storytelling tradition of balladeers and folk singers that form such a huge basis of American music over the last few hundred years. Dig past the top 20, and you'll discover a wealth of material that isn't all twangy, overproduced songs about wives in pick-up trucks running away with the dog.

Circling back around to Coldplay, I have derided them since I first heard "Yellow," a song still terrible to contemplate. Their emo stylings, masquerading as rock or mainstream pop didn't sit well, and I wrote them off to weepy girls and the guys who want to get them (sorry, Lindberg). So ignored, they slipped off my radar until this summer when I heard bits and pieces from their new album, which promised less falsetto and angst and arrangements more in line with the "alt. rock" tag they get in the press. It has more weight than previous material of theirs that I've heard (of course, it's also their first full-length album I've deigned listen to, so a full accounting might have to wait until I've gone to the library or dallied in illegal downloading).

In short, I like it. But I don't know if I like that I like it. Get me?

It's hard to set aside a musical elitism, especially one so finely cultured over hours of dead-end arguments with with other sonic snobs. Does this mean I've changed somehow, perhaps matured?

Do I have to vote Democratic next time?

Ah, but who cares? None of you. We're all sonic snobs in our own way (how many of you refuse to consider the idea that country music or rap or prog. rock might have merit?), and to overcome that obstacle and embrace new bands and genres (change you can listen to!) is a grudging thing.

Thank God Queen is still unpopular in the US outside of high fallutin' classic and prog. rock circles or I'd be screwed.

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

The Hooplah: Breakfast Thoughts 3 - Return of the Bagel


It was with much dismay that I found out I had diabetes, but that subtle bitterness was tempered by the knowledge that I did not have muscular dystrophy (thank you, Wikipedia, for scaring the crap out me with that diagnosis...).

Before March 07 (from maybe August 06), I had been enjoying the caloric intake of a team of marathon runners. My co-workers added up calories an average day, when I had a sandwich for lunch and not something deep-fried or drizzled in cheese or both; the number was well past 5,000. Yet I was losing weight.

Oh, diabetes, you tricksy devil.

But the point is, I was able to have huge breakfasts back then - several breakfast sandwiches, big omelettes and toast and bacon, and the old reliable couple of bagels liberally spread with regular cream cheese. Man! And what luck that I had a cafeteria with enormous, fluffy-on-the-inside/just-firm-enough-on-the-outside bagels. Manna from heaven, or somesuch.

Alas for a good thing...it'll come to an end, too. After the...Diagnosis, I switched to foods less loaded with carbs, but kept bagels in the "special occasion" rotation, for the day I absolutely had to have something other than wheat toast and turkey sausage .

Lo, calamity struck once again!

Though I may live to a century or more, I will never understand the cafeteria on the 30th floor of my building. In their infinite wisdom, they choose the weirdest foods for the specialty table (yeah, I really want my international dining experience to be...Israel?), and often items of so-so quality. It was the latter that ruined my dining experience one morning. They put a lot of thought into their menu selections, which puzzles me even more. I know they don't just ask the help what they'd like to eat (though we do have "south of the border"-infused selections far more often than you'd think; and yes, I mean Mexican. Did you know they work in buildings now?), nor do they poll the mentally-challenged. No one likes breakfasts where the menu has to describe in excruciating detail that the meat-like substance in the egg hash isn't meat, but isn't tofu or soy-product, rather made of some other commodity that they swear is edible! And it's got a Spanish-sounding name!


I digress.

The new bagels they put out were made of plastic. Hard and shiny industrial Chinese-grade plastic. It's because of my love for foods I shouldn't have that I put a card in the suggestion box. How often do you see these things taken seriously? Not very, I thought. For a while I didn't even know where the box and cards were, though I did see posted suggestions from colleagues on a big board by the registers. Usually, there are two or three items per card, and one bubbly answer about how the second one (more napkins) is possibly by the others (hygenic workers and a friendly staff) aren't within their power.


But a few weeks ago, I saw the note I'd written posted on the "suggestions accomplished" board and noticed the next morning that they'd returned to the old bagel vendor. Big, soft real bagels again...and they added asiago cheese as a variety, so I got that going for me. I've been bold since then, requesting - almost demanding, in my horrible chicken-scratch penmanship - more diet fountain drinks for diabetics...because we're people, too.

And we carry needles.

***

Not really that exciting, was it? I sort of rambled on about bagels and diabetes for a few hundred words before an expected ending. Who didn't see that coming, the predicted victory over the modern day lunchroom bully, the corporate foodstuff requisitioner? You in the back? Well, you suck.

***

Joke of the Day

Q: What is the hardest part about roller-blading with your shirt off?

A: (highlight to read) Telling your parents you're gay.

(Special thanks to Kevin J. Smith for that one, from his personal stock.)

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The Hooplah: Breakfast Thoughts II - The Brunchening

Bad coffee in a good mug tastes bad. However, the same dark brew ensconced in Styrofoam is passable to decent. Is it the gradual melting of the Styrofoam under the intense heat, a melting that takes so long it really doesn't happen, that improves the palatability? The mug I am using today is quite nice, with a slight tapering in the middle and a sturdy heft. I don't think it's breaking apart inside and tainting the coffee. But an identical cup, poured at the same time into Styrofoam, tastes better. It's almost like diet vs. regular Coca-Cola. What an oddity. Yet I refuse to switch back to Styrofoam. God, aren't I eco-friendly! Maybe it's the heat-conductive properties of the two materials, ceramic vs. Styrofoam, that impact the flavor. This calls for an experiment. As the great man once said, "Stand back! I'm going to try science!"

* * *

I posted not long ago that some women smell. Well some men smell too. Like women. It is very disconcerting to note in a hallway or elevator a strong floral aroma, like a funeral parlor or retirement home, only to realize the space is shared by another man. What is he thinking? Do the women in the world desire men to who smell like their great-aunts? This barbarity must be stopped. Conversely, a rotund basement-dweller filled my train car with the chewy aroma of B.O. this morning. Does no one remember the shower and simple three-swipe deodorizing that follows?! Are we all French that we forget good hygiene*?

* * *

How is David Archuletta not being torn apart by the judges on American Idol? (Yes, I watch it. Wanna make something of it?!) The boy signs like he's in a high school summer camp variety show and yes, there is talent there. But to win American Idol and against the folks he's up against? He cannot hold a candle to some who have gone before him (Michael Johns, Carly Smithson) or those still there (David Cook, Syesha Mercado [supermarket?]). His butchering of two Neil Diamond songs did nothing to break the thralldom in which the judges find themselves whenever he opens his mouth. Do you want as your next pop sensation a boy who looks like he's halfway between crying and peeing his pants whenever given words of encouragement? Vote Cook or die trying.

* * *

In honor of Buck's bacon-infused post, I too must make a confession. Yesterday, I had a chicken salad sandwich. I know I need to stay healthy (the di-uh-beetus and all...), and my initial thought was to have it on multi-grain bread with lettuce and tomato. The latter two remained, but the bread was swapped out for a croissant. Not content to stop there, I added a thicker-than-normal slice of pepperjack cheese and then the pies-de-resistance! Bacon. That sandwich sung. Add some Diet Pepsi (look, Mom - no sugar!) and nacho cheese Doritos (...sigh. There's nothing healthy there. Powdered cheese? It probably causes AIDS) and you've got yourself a meal.


-Hooper


*Just kidding. The French are a clean and industrious people with a rich cultural heritage.


Read on, faithful few!

Monday, April 28, 2008

The Hooplah: Hey dashtard,-- take care...

Ah yes, a post without politics, in which we look at signs around the country, argue about the devilish salutation "Take care," and mourn the dashtard...we hardly knew ye.



First, here are some interesting signs, gathered from the four corners of my brain.

















* * *

Now that that foolishness is over, the heart of the matter.

* * *

"Thanks for calling, y'all. Take care."

Who among us hasn't had a phone conversation end that way, with a complete stranger wishing you well with just those two words? More and more these days I find myself told to "take care" by people I don't know. Ordinary people - normies, I call them - would see that as a sign that we're all coming together as one people, wishing bounteous health and prosperity on our fellow man.

But doesn't it feel to you, instead of just idle words, "take care" is like a hug from someone you just met or the villainous "kiss hello" of Seinfeld fame?

I shake hands when I meet people. I tell them to have a good day, to enjoy themselves. I'll even go so far as to say "you, too" if they end the conversation in a congenial enough manner that doesn't impose on the relationship. But ever so rarely would I tell someone to "take care." It can be a sinister phrase, followed by an ellipse in my head ("Take care..."), with the image of a mustachioed man in shadows whispering into a dirty phone booth receiver before lightly replacing it in the cradle, the click of termination indicative of more than just the end of our call.

This is a paranoid perspective, I am told.

That perfect strangers wish me harm instead of good after a few minute phone call is a thin theory, to say the least. More likely than not, the wholesaler or tech-help guy or dentist's secretary doesn't care one whit about me or mine and has a rote "goodbye" that isn't so abrupt and impersonal, but in the act of standardizing such a phrase, that's also an unexpected outcome. So aside from making me squirm, thinking that some person is sending gooey vibes across the country, they're also taking a perfectly innocent phrase and robbing it of its sentimentality.

I do use the phrase on exceedingly rare occasion, and respond well if I know the person. I don't hug you just because I've met you, or we shared a few dozen words over long-distance phone lines. If I don't feel it, why say it? If I they don't mean it, why belabor the point and introduce an awkwardness to our connection?

Doctors and health care professionals can use the phrase with impunity because it is their business to take care of us, so by extension, they'd remind us at the last point of interaction. "Take care [while you're away from me]," they imply.

(Now lawyers.... "Take care [to engage in hazardous activity that results in a beautiful paycheck for at least one of us].")

Am I crazy? Does this make me crazy? I'm an optimistic guy, anyone will tell you (despite the red, white and blue elephant on my key chain). Actively, I wish no harm on the bulk of the general population and good favor on a select bunch. To be so indiscriminate when using that phrase - it rings cold to me.

* * *

Perhaps I had a thought,-- but oh, another! Notice the curious but grammatically well-lineaged punctuation in the midst of that sentence.

",--" It is the noble dashtard, and it has fallen into disuse and death.

Interspersed across centuries of European writing, the dashtard, a mixing in various fashions of a comma or semi-colon followed by several dashes, suggests a break more pronounced than any of its component parts. There's substance in them thar pause between thoughts.

Today, pretentious writers use the dashtard to stand out, to appear truly in-the-know to have used such an odd and unknown piece of linguistic history.

Nicholson Baker, the essayist and novelist, dedicated hundreds of words to the praise of the dashtard, its uses and its eventual doom beneath standardized formatting. There is no room in the MLS handbook for punctuation that depends on the writer for 1) form and 2) meaning.

Do lists follow a ";--" or a whole new sentence? Why use ",--" when I could use ";" or "-" by their lonesome? There is little logic to the choice, just eccentricity on the author's part. Guidebooks cannot do their job without concrete examples that can be backed up if need be. There are a lot of sentences out there that use periods, so it's hardly an issue to find them. But how many use dashtards? And in the same manner?

But you now know of the dashtard, and can begin using it in your writing. Maybe it never appears in print;-- the idea, my friends, does live on.

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

Sunday, April 6, 2008

The Hooplah: Some women smell & other thoughts


I have been subjected to several very aromatic women in the last few days in the elevator, waiting for food, walking down a hallway at work. I am sure these women bathe, or at least stand in the tub and look expectantly at the shower head hoping clean will wash over them. But they stink.

It's not even body odor around them, though it certainly hints at the edges.Can I say they are unique smells? Let's take an example.

A woman, let's call her Julia since I know no Julias, stands next to me waiting for the elevator to whisk her downstairs. We've all just come from the lunchetorium with our salads and carvery sandwiches and inexpertly made stir-fry. We carry this food in our hands, full of thoughts of eating, drinking and the sustenance and enjoyment such acts bring. What do we all hate to intrude on our dining experience? Bad odor. Julia smells, a mixture of decaying leaves and a Chinese fish monger.

And she's laughing!

Her friends must be drunk or stoned, because they too are full of merriment. Maybe it's because of the cloud of funk their friend is in. "My God, do you smell that woman?!" one whispers to the other by the fruit counter. "I know," replies the woman with water wing fat waddles hanging off her arms. "Someone should tell her..." Do they? They laugh!

It's like a story I heard somewhere,-- maybe at work or church or in the local bars I don't frequent because I'm not really that "hip" with it. A man wearing khakis and a button down, long-sleeve white shirt goes to the bathroom. He is in there for a suitable amount of time for No. 2, and exits after hand-washing and so forth. He returns to his cube space, perhaps nodding hey to the girls around him. Part of his shirt is hanging out the back, improperly tucked. And what do these same girls see, smeared like so much fresh mud across the bottom of his crisp, blanco shirt? That's right. How he did it remains a mystery to this day, but he somehow managed to twist the front of his shirt into the path of the toilet paper. Or else there was a Vesuvian burst that no one could control, much less contain, and the shirt was the least of his concerns.

But the point is thus: no one told him. He worked the rest of the day - hours, people - with poo on his untucked shirt. And so "Julia" smelled, and probably smells, because no one told her it was bad form to roll in a compost heap behind General Chang's fish bazaar. Are we sparing people the shame and embarrassment, or just getting some cruel laughter in at their pitiful expense? Hm....

"Guadalupe", another woman with a memorable bouquet about her, did not bring to mind Gorton's discards. Hers was an odd smell, sort of dry. I want to say like death, but death can be wet. But that's the best I've got. It was a faded smell, like old books you pull down from your Great Uncle Johann Frucht's shelves. When you open them, these whithered words try to escape the page at the same moment time is attempting to break down the book into dust. It slaps your septum before settling behind your eyes, that old book smell. Guadalupe had something like that, only for people,-- and she was young! Too young to smell like Uncle Johann with one foot in the grave and other in a Kleenex box because he forgot where he put his slippers.

Stink and smell hold a special place in my heart. How could they not, when I have as a pet the basset hound Neville, who sometimes releases time-delay bombs of such exquisite pungency that I question whether or not his bowels produced them or he purchased them off an ex-pat Iraqi scientist. I was talking to a co-worker about scent memory, which is very strong for me, an important part of the day-to-day. I constantly find smells triggering some random memory from years ago, and usually I'm left frustrated that I can't exactly rebuild the entire scene where that certain recollection came from. But such strong funk recall is why days after the fact, I can still recall the aromas of these women who really need some better lotions or fragrance-masking soap. Dial, for example.

I could on for hours about Dial soap and what its particular redolence means to me, but I've taken up enough of your time already.

Until we meet again, and I share my peculiar relationship with sports and how they loathe me.

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Because I always deliver on hyperbole


There shall be no other breakfast meat before thee, hog's side!

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

Monday, February 25, 2008

The Hooplah: He's more Obama now than man, idealistic and hopeful.


Great friend and political duelist Matthew Saniie, who single-handedly wrangled a quarter of Iowa's caucus-age teens, has a presence on the Interwebs! Support his blissful ideology and send him a message, letting him know that his time in the LoneStar State isn't for naught.

Then tell him to get crackin' on that policy.

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

Monday, February 18, 2008

The Hooplah: iRant



SUBMIT to iLIFE: Bliss Through Acquiescence


Apple is making me nervous. The brilliant folks at the pirate computer company have keelhauled the souls of millions!

All right, perhaps it’s not as bad as that. Apple makes fine products in its two key lines, computers and portable media devices [iPhone inclusive]. Their computers are arguably the best for graphics work, ease of interface and reliability (even if they lack some of the functionality of a PC). I've been tossing around the idea for a while now of getting one, if just for the space considerations. I've friends and family with the machines, and they are quite happy with their purchases.

These same people also have iPods, those fancy little numbers in stylish colors, rounded and sleek. They are part of a horde of consumers who have made the iPod one of the most successful product launches ever. Stores run out, people line up, they lose the iPod and buy a new one heedless of cost. If crack had a headphone jack and a thumbwheel, it would be something like this.


There is a level of addiction to this product that I have rarely seen in my own frenzied consumerism. The only computer-linked item that has grappled onto the public so quickly is Blizzard's World of Warcraft, at 7 million customers worldwide and counting, the juggernaut and new standard of online massive multiplayer RPGs (before, subscriptions in the hundreds of thousands was considered good; Blizzard past that after some three months). But even that people quit.

People just can't quit those iPods, though. A former co-worker of mine loves to espouse the benefits of the iPod and the iLife it engenders. Recently, her iPod ran out of batteries…and though that happens in all electronic devices, iPods of her generation cannot be given new life with new batteries. Once they crap out, they're buried. Were I the consumer in her shoes, I'd be upset. After all, I paid several hundred dollars on this thing, expecting a good life at least equal to my Discman (thank you, Sony, for not messing that up like your batteries; it's still going strong after 14 years), and four years in it says, "Goodbye"? That dog won't hunt, monseigneur.

She decided to buy a new iPod, my co-worker. When? At lunch. It ran out of batteries in the morning and by lunch she intends to have it replaced so that by this time tomorrow it will be fully armed and operational. If she could, she would run back to her apartment and load it up before the work day was out so, when commuting home, she wouldn’t have to listen to the drone of fellow "el" passengers or the clank of the tracks. And she is not alone in her obsession with the little device. It's become, if not a status symbol like a fancy car or a big house, then a social symbol. Do you have an iPod? Are you one of us?

To call them pod people would be too obvious, and iLife is too cute, but also eerily close to what's happening, beginning with these things. It's almost as if, while listening to your favorite playlist, a subtle addiction is formed in the back of your mind. You have to have your iPod, lest you feel cold and alone. It comforts you whenever it’s around, like a security blanket, and like a child you do get upset and flustered when you don't have it handy. You'll do anything, spend any price, to make sure it is always a part of your life. Buy the car adapter, so it broadcasts on a very localized station. Make sure to have the waterproof case so when you head to the beach, it won't get damaged. Leave a charger at work and at home, in the car or at your parents' house; you never know when it'll need a little boost. Plug it into a one of a variety of port and speaker options at home, so it can function as your stereo, your alarm clock, the white noise in the background while you stare vacantly at the wall. Don't have a lot of money? Buy a Nano, which used to be a Mini (now discontinued). Have too much scratch? Try the iTouch, or wait a few months (if you can wait five minutes) for the iPhone to become available with your network. Feel your wallet lighten, your spirits plateau and your mind slowly tumble off a precipice.

This might all be a rant because I fear the demise of physical media distribution systems: CDs. The record is a novelty item, the 8-track a nearly forgotten bad dream, the tape a fondly remembered childhood item and now the CD: how soon until its head falls on the chopping block? I'm a fan of the CD, of the clever liner notes you can get and the case styles, the tactile quality of it all, knowing you own a thing instead of just nebulous bytes on a small harddrive.

Swap tapes when you were younger, or CDs more recently? I love the concept of trading music collections, and MP3s are as ready a format as CDs, but they take a little of the personality out of the equation, and perhaps that's more at the core of my problem with iPods. They insulate us against the outside world since, for many of the people who use them, they use them all the time. Between classes, on the train, in the elevator, on lunch breaks, jogging, shopping, relaxing at home: there isn't a function of the waking (or sleeping!) day that an iPod can't insinuate itself in. My co-worker put it best when she said it's a "way of life. Once you have an iPod, there's no going back." Her sentiments were echoed by the others in my cubicle area who also own iPods.

It’s a way of life. What does that mean about our society then, that we're captivated so by this small thing, this pocket-sized device that spews out our shuffled musical tastes in 3-minute helpings? People aren't killing people over the things, thank God; no, only clothing drives us to kill when fashion tastes are involved. But iPods are certainly creating distinctions in the American population, a thin, sleek line if you will, where you have one and you're One of Us or you don't, and then the others just pity you, trapped in your caveman-like past. Even the commercials show a lack of individuality, a sort of conform or die quality with the shadow shapes flailing about all the same, their iPods in common, letting us know this is how you find your group, your
self, your spot.

It's Apple we're talking about, not Microsoft, but why do I feel the former is being more sinister? I could be paranoid; the claim has been made before. But think to your friends who have the Objects: do they cherish it a bit too much, pat themselves on the back for owning it, shake their head that you don't own one, isolate themselves in its stereophonic cocoon whenever they get a chance (car ride, bus, train, bathroom, dinner, homework, work, nocturnal activities)? Is iLife the new way for America, a polished, sleek, uniformity that numbs us at the press of a button?

Ah, but all that sounds so serious. I have an iPod Nano (free) waiting for me at home, but I just haven't been able to bring myself to use it very often. I'm sure I will, though, if just for convenience, right? It's just a little old MP3 player. What's the harm in that? It's not like everyone in the US has an iPod variant.

Just one in six.



-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!