Moonwalking with the angels...under strict supervision.

Read on, faithful few!

A glimpse of the future

I thought this was too fun not to share, especially since I'm a child of Transformers and Hooper is a child of G.I. Joe.

Funny Videos Funny Cartoons More Video Clips

I find David Lynch's Koosh Ball unnerving.


-Buck

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Update the blog often? Not on my watch!

On Friday night, I went to see Terminator: Salvation. I really meant to post some manner of review before now, but things like weeding the vegetable garden and re-seeding the lawn got in the way. (Ah, the perils of being a new homeowner.)





I will say that I don't quite understand all the negative press the film has gotten, because I found it to be very enjoyable. My only major critique would be that it doesn't really do all that much to further the mythology; at the end of the film we're basically at the same place we started. But the performances were good and the effects were teriffic (Especially the sound work; can't wait to try this one out on the new surround sound.). I'll try to expand my thoughts by the end of the week.


-Buck

Read on, faithful few!

Not a fan of the gays, America?

What happened last night, compatriots? I'm not talking about the Sox winning or the exciting last minute of the Cavs game. Kris Allen winning American Idol: bwah?!

I'm not saying he isn't talented or a good singer. As a musician, he's probably better than Adam Lambert, the to-this-point odds on favorite. But he was so...whitebread college town bar singer. Adam knows he's a star.

Is it the boy-kissing, America? Certainly Adam would've been the most "fabulous" idol, and he makes no bones about that (!). His appearance is over-the-top fancy emo, and that voice! Bordering at times on the absurd, it always invigorates his song choices and shows why all season he'd been considered in a class on his own. It soars and swoons, that voice.

But it also sounded, some weeks, like he should've been in drag, aping Liza. Can I chalk that up as the reason for his loss?

I'm not convinced Tuesday's performance did it for Kris and did in Adam. Like Carrie Underwood, Adam had been nigh untouchable in the elimination rounds. He was a shoe-in, even over Danny Gokey, he of the sob story and the early fav. Then Kris sang Heartless, astoundingly well, and it seemed - to me - that people could now justify their votes for him. Favs dropped in his path, and he clinched it with his more marketable voice.

So that means people were waiting for greatness to justify why this guy the Red Eye said would go out before the top 10 had stuck around while better, or more favored, singers left. With Gokey gone, his fans - more similar to Kris' than Adam's - latched on to the only "traditional" thing left.

Alas, alack.

Though I may be called paranoid, I'm not convinced this underdog story occurred naturally. I've said it before, let's repeat the chorus: it's fixed. If election after election Chicago's Democratic Machine can massage the votes enough to get their people in, then of course we can legitimately call shenanigans on American Idol. The producers got a great story arc out of this - the dark-horse-who's-apple-pie-America - and the means to drum up post-show dollar votes for Adam (feel he was cheated? Buy his album and show ol Slidejaw Allen who really deserved the dandy crown).

It is a show, and therefore not important in the grand scheme, but I would've really liked an Adam victory. He rocked it with KISS and Queen (well...Brian May and Roger Taylor). That showmanship, that voice and atypical sense of personal acceptance made him the clear winner. A shame it wasn't made official.

-Hooper

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Buck Reviews 24: Day 7, 6:00 AM - 8:00 AM

And we come to the close of another harrowing day in the life of Jack Bauer.






Hour 1
• How much you think a video set-up like that costs? That’s a snazzy teleconference Olivia’s taking part in.
• Kim is sadly still a little slow on the uptake, especially for someone who worked at CTU for a couple of years and lived with a former agent.
• Is it too much to ask that we have a season where Jack doesn’t have to go rogue? I know I’d find it refreshing.
• At least he was able to tell Renee what’s really going on. It plays better that way.
• Clever, Mr. Almeida. Someone was watching Incredible Hulk last summer when Stearns reverse-engineered Banner’s blood from that tiny sample.
• It’s so weird having one of the Kiefer-narrated Bank of America commercials come on during a 24 break. It’s calm, collected Kiefer vs. angry shouting Kiefer.
• I greatly enjoyed Olivia’s little freakout.
• If Kim stabs this dude with that pen it just might make up for the entire cougar debacle.
• A shoot-out in an airport? Quick, get Bruce Willis and Dennis Franz on the phone!
• Okay, she can stab the woman. I’m not picky.
• A frustrated “Dammit!” from the next Bauer generation? Awesome.
• Commercial for American Idol finale with Simon voice-over: “Only one can win.” So it’s like Highlander then. Thanks for clearing that up, Mr. Cowell. (Seriously, I loathe the show, but that’s the best soundbyte they could find?)
• See what kind of fun you get when I watch the live broadcast instead of watching it on Hulu? You’ve been missing out on my witty commercial commentary these past 5 months.
• Please don’t have Kanin strip-searched. I love Bob Gunton, but I have no desire to see him nekkid.
• Good lord, is that a CompactFlash memory card? All the technical doodads in the White House and it’s not recorded on a SD card?
• Evil Doctor should really have an accent. British, maybe, or perhaps something eastern European.
• I apologize for the earlier comment that Kim didn’t remember anything she learned at CTU. Thought to grab the laptop and knows how to get the data off of it. Good show.
• Product placement? What product placement? Now sit down and enjoy the Hyundai Genesis—I mean, show.
• Scalpel to the jugular! Neck stabbing! Neck slashing! Neck breaking! You do NOT fuck with Jack Bauer and his spinal fluid!
• Gotta say I’m a little disappointed, as I thought the final hour was going to be rescuing Jack, which would have been a nice twist. But looks like we’ve got Renee and Kim finding Jack while Jack goes for revenge on Tony. Not what I wanted, but I’ll take it.




Hour 2
• Oh, good. For a minute I thought they were going to have a recap for the hour that just ended.
• Jack was going to immolate himself rather than let Tony get his blood? That’s commitment.
• I was wondering how Will Patton’s character fit into everything. And I have to say that I never really believed Charles Logan came up with everything on his own, so this works for me.
• Tony is really off his nut. Jack also killed to revenge his wife’s death, but he didn’t kill everyone that got in his way to do it. I doubt he’d even have killed Nina in Season 3 if she hadn’t threatened Kim.
• Last-minute rescue? That’s how we do things at the FBI. (I actually typed CTU without thinking, then realized what I’d done.)
• Having a seizure while strapped to a bomb? Jack is just not having a good day.
• Renee Walker: Action Woman!
• Michelle was pregnant? Make her death hurt a little more, why don’t you, 24 writers?
• Moment of truth. And Jack goes for the non-killing shot. Son of a bitch, that looked like it hurt.
• Interesting that we appear to be leaving the door open for a possible Tony return in the future.
• That was a really nice scene between Jack and Renee. He’s met a lot of people this season who have helped him come to terms with what he’s done in the past.
• That’s not how it works, Henry. When you’re president, you don’t get to just pick and choose what’s legal and what isn’t. Oh, wait…
• Taylor totally made the right call. Even if it has the potential to ruin her marriage. But David Palmer got through it; she will too.
• Knowing Renee’s back next season, I can’t wait to find out what happened in that interrogation room.
• Kim goes for the stem cell procedure to save Jack as we tick away the final minutes of Season 7.


Thoughts


This was quite possibly the best 24 finale since Season 1. Seeing Jack look for forgiveness on his deathbed, from a Muslim, no less, was an outstanding turn for the character, and Sutherland nailed it. The teaful confession, "You don't know the thing I've done," was handled with grace rather than being melodramatic.

As for the Taylor family, it's impossible to not see shades of David and Sherry Palmer circa Season 1. As hard as it was for Allison, her daughter broke the law and a man died because of it. She has to pay the price for that. And how about a round of applause for Cherry Jones as the president? Here's hoping she's back next year, because I want to see what direction she takes the character in following what looked to be the complete dissolution of her family.

As for the rest...

Kim proved she's a Bauer through-and-through and will do whatever it takes to save her father's life (though we already know he'll be back next season). I know I've given Kim as much crap as anyone, but after the way she was handled this time around, I'm all for her returning next year.

Renee got to go on quite a journey over the course of this day, didn't she? I'm pretty sure Annie Wersching's been confirmed for next season, so it should be interesting to see what happened to Renee following her...aggressive questioning...of Alan Wilson.

Which brings us to Tony Almeida. Carlos Bernard was fantastic this season, and despite what he did, you can't help but feel just a touch sorry for the man, considering what he's lost. I can't wait to watch this season again knowing Tony was playing both sides the entire time.

And a final shout-out to the late, great Larry Moss. I am really sorry he's gone, because after Bill Buchanan's noble sacrifice, he was shaping up to be a new colleague Jack could turn to and maybe even confide in. He was definitely my favorite of the new characters we saw this season, and it's a shame he didn't get to stick around.

I might just be basking in the post-finale after glow, but I have nothing but praise for this season of 24. See you all in January.



-Buck

Read on, faithful few!

City of Crime

I stumbled upon this yesterday afternoon and...well...it's pretty much the greatest thing ever.





-My name's Buck. I carry a badge.

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Buck Reviews 24: Day 7, 5:00 AM - 6:00 AM

This week, I didn't follow my usual method of typing my thoughts as I watch the episode, so that may be why there aren't as many bullet-points. Or it could be that it was another build-up episode to what is hopefully a slam-bang finale. Read on.






• The subway ride was a little tense, but not exactly action-packed. That was a little disappointing.
• I was surprised to see the bio-threat stopped in this hour. I’d expected a virus cliffhanger leading into the final two hours.
• So is the kidnapping of Kim part of something larger, or is it just the Cabal’s way of saying, “Fuck you, Bauer. You really screwed up our day.”
• Much as I like Chloe, it’s nice to see her get one-upped every once in a while.
• Loved Agent Pierce’s “I’ve just about had it with this crap” scene with Olivia.
• Jack’s wailing on Tony was a little brutal, but you really felt the emotion in every punch.


Thoughts:
• Another 24 final-hour switcheroo, but it’s shaping up to be a good one.
• Lots of focus on loyalty and family this year (and in a good way, unlike last year's Bauer family debacle). Jack’s families, both blood and CTU, the problems in the Taylor household, etc. It’s interesting to see the final crisis of the day involving Kim in danger. We really haven’t seen that since Season 1 (I refuse to acknowledge The Cougar Incident).

-Buck

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Star Trek

I'll expand this with more words of praise later, but just had to say how damn much fun Star Trek is. J.J. Abrams and Co. did an outstanding job and created one of the most enjoyable sci-fi films I've seen in a long time. If you weren't planning on seeing it, I strongly urge you to reconsider. And it's not just for die-hards. You can go in having never seen an episode of the original series and still enjoy it.

UPDATE: Not a full review, but more thoughts after the jump. Minor spoilers if you haven't seen the film.

• Casting was great. No one really goes for the "I'm playing the actor who played this character the last time around" bit, and the movie is all the better for it. Karl Urban certainly channels DeForest Kelly, but it's not an impersonation. He's one of the best bits in the film.
• It's damn funny. I *heart* Simon Pegg.
• I will say that there are plot holes you can reflect on, but it's such a darn fun film they won't dawn on you until days later, and even then they won't ruin the film for you. Thou shalt not nitpick thy films, for that path leads to dickhood.
• Eric Bana's villain Nero is a little underdeveloped, but his motivations are fairly simple to begin with so it's not all bad.
• You get to see Kirk beat the Kobayashi Maru test.
• I felt that the casting gave us feasible versions of the favorites, updated for modern audiences. Sulu's a bit more macho, but I doubt John Cho would have wanted everyone to think he was as "fabulous" as Takei.
• Bruce Greenwood's perfect Capt. Christopher Pike, who hopefully at least gets to cameo the next time around.
• I was very surprised by the Spock/Uhura relationship, but I felt it worked and it added some interesting layers to both characters.
• While I think they could have gone with a straight reboot instead of using an old character to start a new timeline, Nimoy was perfect and it was delightful to see him interacting with the new actors. Still, the creation of a new timeline allows for new stories without crapping on the continuity of old. Though I do agree with this fellow's perspective on Star Trek canon.
• It's just...it's just a really enjoyable movie. Pure fun and entertainment, despite a not-quite-there script. Probably the most satisfied I've been upon leaving a theater since Bourne Ultimatum (Dark Knight and Iron Man being right up there as well).

-Buck

Read on, faithful few!

Feeling Blue...

[Click to enlarge.]



-Hooper

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Family Ties

[Click to enlarge.]




-Hooper

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Buck Reviews 24: Day 7, 4:00 AM - 5:00 AM

Slow episode? Short review! Enjoy.






• I am really enjoying the character scenes this season, like the one we just had between Jack and Chloe. Why did he think she shouldn't know about his exposure? He's one of the few friends from the old days she has left.
• Kind of a slow episode so far...seems like we're just getting our players in position for the final showdown.
• Olivia's going to fiddle while the Taylor administration burns.
• The WitSec guy is the guy from the Bob Evans commercials!
• Ah, racial profiling. With special guest Bug from Crossing Jordan!
• Hey, Olivia has a few scruples after all.
• You can fancy up your computer trickery all you like, you won't hide from Chloe O'Brien.
• Well, so much for Hodges. Looks like Olivia didn't back out in time. But hey, she didn't actually pay for it, so free assassination! Silver lining kids, silver lining.


Thoughts:
Well, that was uneventful, wasn't it? It's a shame to have a "setting the stage" episode this late in the game, but hopefully it will be worth it. Three hours left to stop Tony and the Cabal. My money's on a crazy cliff-hanger next week that's resolved in the first half of the finale, with the final hour being a slower, more coda-esque bit.



-Buck

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Buck Reviews 24: Day 7, 3:00 AM - 4:00 AM

My apologies as to the tardy arrival of this week's review. So let's get right to it, because Jack's RUNNING OUT OF TIME!








• Previously on 24: Tony Almeida is a bastard.
• I’m glad we didn’t have some ridiculous bit where Jack can’t talk for most of the hour and can’t tell anyone about Tony. That’s what I was fearing when Dr. Macer kept telling him not to talk.
• You’d think hotels would stock shower curtains made with something a little more “breathable.” Yes, that was an awful pun. I got a million of ‘em.
• I wonder if Tony’s desire to change the game will go as well as when Hodges tried it.
• Ah, compromise with very evil people. The essence of all 24 administrations.
• He took a shower with the dead guy still sitting next to the tub?
• I also wonder what the long-range plan was before Tony suggested his alternative.
• Ah, guess I have my answer, thanks to Jack interrogating Hodges.
• Nice bluff, Jack.
• And BAM! Chloe’s back. Really nice scene between her and Morris. It’s hard not to agree with him, but you can’t fault her loyalty to Jack.
• With all the running and sweating and fisticuffs…can you imagine how bad Jack must smell at this point in the day?
• Is this Martin individual 24’s first gay character? I’m not bothered by it, just curious.
• So Olivia is going to have Hodges assassinated. It’s a shame President Taylor can’t see that her daughter is deeply stupid.
• Nice to see the CTU logo again. And the Chloe/Janice snark is much better this time than the last time Chloe was in the FBI offices.
• Right on, Jack! You tell Janice about how President Palmer...wait...President Palmer? Ah, crap…


Thoughts:
• Well, Tony’s got his fall guy for his sunrise gas attack. This is ending similarly to Season 3, which saw Jack and Chace trying to find the last of Saunders’ virus-carriers. That’s not a bad thing, as those were some of the most exciting hours the show has produced. And it’s different enough that it doesn’t feel like a rehash.
• We all know Kim will come back to give Jack the treatment he needs so he’ll be back for next season. But with his mind slipping, will he be able to stop Tony and the secret cabal? Frankly, it would be pretty interesting if they didn’t. It would be kind of a vindication for Jack and CTU, showing that their methods, while questionable, still saved lives.
• You know what I’d like to see? Some off-hand reference to the fact that part of the L.A. suburbs are a nuclear wasteland now. But that would just bring up bad memories of Season 6.
• Olivia is an idiot. Is it wrong that I just want Agent Pierce to shoot her and rid us of her idiocy?



-Buck

Read on, faithful few!

Hooper Reviews Heroes: Fugitives - Ep 9

Heroes Season 3
Volume Four: Fugitives


Episode Nine: "Turn and Face the Strange"

What Happened:

Let's nutshell this one:

*Sylar and Danko frame HRG, who figures out the two are working together (clever girl). HRG also faces divorce, after Sylar messes with him while looking like his wife, prompting the company man to slam his wife into a table and press a gun to her head before a conveniently-timed call from Lyle (who? Oh, the brat) convinces him of her real-ness.
*Peter and Angela (later met by Claire, Nathan, and HRG) show up at a broken down camp of sorts where the bodies are buried, or something ominous (summer camp gone horribly wrong!).
*Matt Parkman meets his son, successfully delivered by Hiro and Ando, after ruining the one good thing in Danko's life (because that's heroic; to be fair, he doesn't kill anyone and realizes he's hit bottom).
*Suresh discovers what his dad was up to back in the 60s.

***

There are three great things about this episode:

1) Matt meets his kid, and it's a genuinely happy moment in a grim story. We see this has/will change Parkman's characterization for the better, both within the story and narratively. The guy's been Debbie Downer since this all started, not thinking logically, ignoring all the cop stuff and any sense of levity.

2) HRG is still amazing. No non-powered character is better than him, and I'd say he's more rounded than anyone on the show. So not only does he deduce the Sylar-body isn't Sylar, but James Martin, he then puts two and two together that Danko rigged this up. Sans glasses, he strolls into Danko's office, pretending to be Sylar-as-HRG and holds up some "new" files from Primatech. The bald hunter takes the bait. HRG holds him at gunpoint, but it goes downhill after that (Danko correctly tells HRG which agent Sylar is posing as, HRG shoots him and tells those around that it's really Sylar, but Sylar holds off healing to frame Noah. Noah flees, etc etc.). He's smart, and he operates using real logic, not make-believe emotional snap-decisionry (a Petrelli favorite).

3) The Japanese Trucker that sounds like GW Bush's neighbor.

***

Heroes: Fugitives
Episode One: "A Clear and Present Danger"
Episode Two: "Trust and Blood"
Episode Three: "Building 26"
Episode Four: "Cold Wars"
Episode Five: "Exposed"
Episode Six: "Shades of Gray"
Episode Seven: "Cold Snap"
Episode Seven: "Into Asylum"

-Hooper

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He's very convincing, for a gecko.

Written a while ago, here is a comic strip "from the vault."

...not that anything has gone anywhere but the vault. I digress.

***

-Hooper

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It's been a shell of a quarter-century. (Yes, I made the obvious pun.)

Has it really been twenty-five years since the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles came onto the scene?


A few more pics and some TMNT thoughts after the jump.







The years have seen some great comics (let's hear it for the goofy if entertaining Archie Comics series), several different cartoon incarnations, four feature films (two of which are quite good), and countless action figures. And I hear there's yet another film in the works. Guess they're not going away any time soon. And that's fine by me. These guys are probably my second-favorite 80s property after Transformers.






-Buck

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Perchance to Dream

The following conversation took place Tuesday morning, as Mrs. Buck and I were driving to work.

Buck: Did you have weird dreams last night?
Mrs. Buck: Yeah.
Buck: Mine didn't make any sense at all.
Mrs. Buck: Did yours involve vampires and Rory Gilmore?
Buck: They did not...yours sound much better than mine.

-Buck

(I did have a dream about the Gilmore Girls once, but it did not involve creatures of the night.)

Read on, faithful few!

Lions attacks buffalo. Crocodile attacks buffalo. Buffalo's friends arrive.

EDIT: Link Fixed!


They call it the Battle at Kruger.

A landmark wildlife preserve in South Africa, Kruger Park offers a variety of safari options. Few realize "open warfare" was one of them. This video was shot by some tourists and their guide. To entice you to click through, I will say it features a pride of lions attacking a water buffalo...before a crocodile decides it wants some of the action.

And then the buffalo's friends arrive.

It's not David Lean-quality directing, but it's a unique glimpse at nature-in-action that even the best Nova special often misses (or has to over-edit to present). The tourist commentary ("Oh, you're too late!") is entertaining.

War at the Watering Hole!

Enjoy.

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

Buck Reviews 24: Day 7, 2:00 AM - 3:00 AM

It's what we were all afraid of: Tony Almeida has been lying to and using Jack Bauer since this day began. Surprises in the Bauer family, deadly traps meant for the FBI, and an hour-ending showdown are just some of the good bits this week.






• I don’t know how I’m going to make it through the rest of the day without Larry.
• Working Theory: This assault on Hodges’ lawyer is to get an assassin in to take him out so he can’t name his co-conspirators. Alternative: The assassin is going to go after the president.
• Ah, the old “Shoot yourself to retain deniability” trick. Well played, Mr. Almeida.
• Okay, so Tony was not working for Hodges/Starkwood, and bribed one of their soldiers to smuggle out some of the bio-weapon.
• "I would think you'd know by now that no one can change my father's mind when it's made up." Nice.
• Nice to see Jack showing some shock/remorse at Larry’s death. I think he was really starting to like the guy; despite their disagreements, it seemed Jack thought Larry was a good man.
• And now we’re going to be mass-murdering FBI agents? Tony’s really gone over the edge, hasn’t he?
• Ah, you can’t keep a good Bauer down.
• Well, Working Theory was half-right, I suppose. I guess slipping him the suicide pill is a little cleaner, considering they’re in the White House.
• Will Patton! Let’s all welcome one of my favorite character actors to 24!
• Tony was working for the same group Hodges was, but they weren’t actually co-conspirators, eh? He’s his own “cell,” I take it?
• I think Jack knows. You could tell he smelled something fishy right away.
• Ah, Kim has a new boyfriend who seems much closer to her age. And a baby! Awww, and she’s named after Teri. Jack’s going to blubber like a fool when he finds all this out.
• Yeah, how do you like that, Tony? You’ve helped kill one of the best friends you ever had! Bastard.
• Boom.
• Always nice to see Jack springing into action.
• Producers, I swear, if you killed Larry and Renee back-to-back…Ah, okay. Good.
• Tony, you have no idea what you’ve done. You think Jack was upset at Henderson and Logan for their crimes? You cannot conceive the shitstorm of fury Jack Bauer will unleash upon you for this betrayal.


Thoughts:


After ruminating on it a bit, I have decided:


A) Hodges and Tony were working for the same group, albeit independently of one another.
B) When Hodges went “off-mission” with his wacky missile/General Juma plot, Tony was tasked to stop Hodges and tie up loose ends. This sample of the virus is one of those loose ends.
C) The slow burn as Jack discovered Tony’s betrayal and Tony realized Jack knew was perfect. Expertly written, paced, and acted.
D) I honestly like Tony more as a villain, something I mentioned at the start of this day. The character shift was a welcome change, and look how much mileage we’ve gotten from it.
E) I actually haven't minded Kim being around. When was the last time that happened?
F) Is this the first season where the villain we started the day with is the same villain we’re likely to end the day with? I’m sure we’ll see more of the shadowy organization Tony’s working for, but the final showdown has to be between Tony and Jack.



-Buck

Read on, faithful few!

The War of the Words

We're trying to get some content going besides just the usual 24 and occasional Heroes reviews. Last week saw the Plot Summaries goofiness, and here's more tomfoolery for the masses.


Just something silly I scribbled down during a graduate class last year. Marvel at my clever wordplay!


I drew my lingual blade and swung it towards the approaching warrior. His headless body fell as I kept moving. I took a moment to survey my unit. (Richardson was down, smothered between (two parenthetical ghouls.)) Smith was rushing to his aid. I picked up a discarded exclamation! launcher and took down three more of our foes. Their screams echoed! as the points pierced their flesh. It looked like things were improving. It had been a hard campaign, but we were close to wiping out this pocket of enemy grammar resistance. They would no longer taint this ground with their unholy presence. Just then Williams screamed. [A bracket ship] had appeared overhead, crushing Williams beneath one of the dozens of heavy [brackets] it was dropping as it passed over the battlefield. Then there came a mighty ROAR as a battalion of CAPS LOCK SHOCK TROOPS came pouring over the hill. I cur@$#sed, as I wiped, some stray commas, from my blade. This battle was far from over.


-Buck

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Plot Summaries, Take 2

After enjoying the plot summaries I linked to earlier in the week (check it out if you haven't, and be sure to read the comments section, as many other readers chimed in with their own), Hooper and I were bitten by the creativity bug. So without further ado, here are our own plot summaries for various movies and TV shows. We hope you have as much fun reading them as we had writing them.

Hooper's are in RED, mine are in BLUE.

• 8MM: Private detective discovers a burgeoning niche market in home video distribution.
• Armageddon: Widower fails to protect daughter’s virginity, dies.
• Back to the Future: Deranged scientist steals nuclear material, pushes teenage boy to incest.
• Bad Boys: "Thug" culture corrupts urban police station.
• Bambi: Hunter misses second shot. (Alternate: Hunter fails to fill his quota for the season.)
• Big: Pre-teen with hormone imbalance seduced by corporate climber.
• Blade: Narcissist seeks to destroy all those like him.
• Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Teenage girl desecrates corpses, dates older men.
• Chicago: Murderers are set free, pursue employment in the entertainment industry.
• Deliverance: Weekend plans go awry.
• Dog Day Afternoon: Gay man acts up for media attention.
• Dracula: Recluse discovers new tastes abroad.
• Face/Off: Cosmetic surgery breakthrough discovered.
• Family Guy: Two local pedophiles go undetected in family-friendly neighborhood.
• Finding Nemo: Inattentive father loses physically handicapped son, mocks mentally-disabled woman.
• Forrest Gump: Retarded man has bad timing, inexplicably breeds.
• Frasier: Retired police officer suffers indignities of two closeted sons, ill-bred caregiver.
• Free Willy: Eco-terrorist ruins seaside attraction.
• Friday the 13th: Mother celebrates her late son's life.
• Friends: Woman abandons man at altar, shacks up with best friend's brother, has love child.
• Glory: Experimental military unit fails to achieve objective.
• Hot Fuzz: A fascist and his mentally-challenged friend work out their issues by assaulting senior citizens.
• House MD: High-end teaching hospital employs drug addict and self-absorbed residents who only treat one patient per week. (Alternate: Self-loathing drug addict saves lives.)
• How I Met Your Mother: Father shocks children with tales of promiscuity, brings into doubt his fidelity to their mother; "Aunt" Robin viewed in new light.
• Karate Kid: Put-out teenage boy enters physically abusive relationship with WWII vet.
• Kiss the Girls: Man expands unique collection, finds pen-pal.
• Lawrence of Arabia: Effeminate white man conquers Middle East.
• Mary Poppins: Nanny introduces psychedelics to upper-crust British children, violates child labor laws.
• Masters of the Universe: Foreign LARPers force couple to participate in their RPG; deformed midget discovers music.
• Men in Black: Government kills illegal alien, covers it up. (Alternate: Government agency's hiring program scrapes bottom of barrel.)
• Poltergeist: Parents abuse drugs while daughter is abducted.
• Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves: Returning vet has hard time fitting in, goes on crime spree with black man.
• Roseanne: Morbidly obese couple deal with economic hardship, disappointing children.
• Shaun of the Dead: British retail drone deals with spoiled meat.
• Signs: Faithless preacher ignores daughter during crisis.
• Sleepers: Murderers go free after sham trial.
• Smallville: Immigrant suspected in property destruction, mysterious deaths.
• South Park: Transgender teaches youth while town wallows in political corruption, spontaneous violence.
• Speed: Cripple endangers commuters.
• Spider-Man: Introverted teen gets radiation poisoning, begins professional wrestling career, kills wealthy industrialist.
• Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan: Retiree runs afoul of secret government think-tank.
• Star Wars: The Phantom Menace: Paramilitary religious cult takes boy from single mother, skilled mechanic's job.
• Star Wars: Attack of the Clones: Bi-polar teen endangers commuters, seduces older woman, attacks geriatric, propagates civil war.
• Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith: Assassination plot prevented; government enacts new reforms. Wife-beater promoted. (Alternate: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.)
• Steel Magnolias: Diabetic ignores doctor's advice, neglects newborn.
• The Big Lebowski: Differing philosophical viewpoints prove a distraction on League Night.
• The Blues Brothers: Fugitive brothers form band; antagonize police, socialists.
• The Bourne Identity: American tourist kills many, finds love during European janut.
• The Godfather: Domestic problems spill into the workplace.
• The Green Mile: Incarnation of Jesus Christ killed yet again after wrongful imprisonment. (Alternate: Dangerously large black man incites violence between prison official, inmate.)
• The Longest Day: Tourists take advantage of scenic beaches.
• The Negotiator: Many die in hostage situation.
• The Rock: Geriatric felon slaughters soldiers of fortune.
• The Shawshank Redemption: Convicted double-murderer escapes.
• The Simpsons: Mentally handicapped man starts family, gets union job.
• The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Tourists fail to anticipate special needs of local handicap.
• Tombstone: Lawman and his terminally-ill friend go on killing spree.
• Unbreakable: Paraplegic commits acts of terrorism, stalks family man with genetic disorder.

-Buck

Read on, faithful few!

GHOSTBUSTERS: Unemployed college professors destroy hotel with nuclear weapons.

Dorian of postmodernbarney (with some assistance from some of my favorite comics bloggers) brings the masses "Uncomfortable Plot Summaries."

Some of my favorites:

ALIENS: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.
BATMAN: Wealthy man assaults the mentally ill.
BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA: Redneck trucker kills Chinese immigrants.
DIE HARD: Dysfunctional cop saves marriage by murdering foreign national.
JURASSIC PARK: Theme park’s grand opening pushed back.
LORD OF THE RINGS: Midget destroys stolen property.
SCARFACE: Immigrant finds running his own business stressful, dangerous.
SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT: Redneck bootlegger makes mockery of law, sanctity of marriage.
STAR WARS: A NEW HOPE - Religious extremist terrorists destroy government installation, killing thousands.

Plenty more at the link.

-Buck

Read on, faithful few!

"Where are my Heroes reviews?!" (BABY!)

Due to a busy work schedule, as well as a rather big deal in my personal life (see below), I've been preoccupied. I do intend to get the reviews up sometime (there are three extant), but give me a bit to square other things up.

And my big deal?



We shall debut the child in September, certainly to rave reviews and much fanfare.

-Erik
(Hooper)

Read on, faithful few!

Buck Reviews 24: Day 7, 1:00 AM - 2:00 AM

The game has changed, my friends. That's really all I can say before you click through for the rest of the review.

• Jack really has no qualms about getting upitty with presidents, does he?
• Very clever of Taylor, unofficially giving Jack and Renee permission to go ahead with their mission. Still, we all know how Jack’s last unofficially-sanctioned mission went.
• Hodges’ goal is really just to sit at the big kids’ table? Well, I did call him childish in a prior review.
• Much as I want Tony to succeed in blowing up the rockets, I don’t think this is going to work.
• And it almost didn’t. Lost the detonator, alarm’s been triggered…but look at Tony pulling through.
• While I’m not sure what’s next, it really would have been inconceivable to drag the Hodges/Taylor standoff out for the next six hours.
• So Hodges isn’t the top of this year’s villain foodchain? At least he doesn’t want us to think so. Are we moving into a fourth act? That’s a bit unusual for this show.
• She’s not that much older than him, but Taylor’s taking a somewhat motherly role with Jack. He hasn’t had an influence like that since David Palmer, and it’s nice to see it.
• Even if Kim had been trying to see Jack all day, Renee did kind of overstep her bounds. I think her attraction to Jack has blinded her to the fact that they still barely know each other.
• Kim and Jack, reunited. Hey, and no creepy C. Thomas Howell!
• Well the Jack/Kim reunion was pretty bittersweet, but not nearly as uncomfortable as the last time they saw each other. I imagine that despite Jack’s protests to the contrary, we’ll see her giving him help for that experimental treatment as the day ends.
• Ah, as Season 3 taught us, you can’t keep a good bio-weapon down.
• Larry’s down and Tony doesn’t see the gunman…
• Oh you have got to be shitting me…
• There you have it, ladies and gentlemen. Tony Almeida, the hero-turned-villain-turned hero we were all rooting for...was a black hat all along.

Thoughts:

What to say? The writers really pulled out a great twist in this installment, though we can’t say we hadn’t imagined this scenario. I know I for one was questioning Tony’s loyalty back in the early hours of the day. And maybe it was due to Jack’s unwavering support of him, but I was convinced he was on the side of the angels now.

I have no idea what to expect for the last quarter of the day. What’s Tony’s plan? Is it still just the simple vengeance against the government that twice wronged him? Is he Hodges’ ace in the hole, or does he have his own agenda? There are so many possibilities. One thing’s for certain: we can’t take anything for granted in these final hours.

-Buck

Read on, faithful few!

"And I thought they were soft...on the OUTside!"

The world of sleepovers got a whole lot awesomer.

ThinkGeek presents the TaunTaun sleeping bags. Currently available for delivery only to Hoth, the company hopes to distribute Sectorwide later this year.

Featuring an attached, embroidered tauntaun head pillow and a lining simulating the "smelly, but warm" insides of a dead tauntaun, the sleeping bag is perfect for camping out in the yard, spending the night at a friends or saving your future wife's idiot brother from certain death by exposure.

Measuring 32"x60", the sleeping bag is, according to ThinkGeek, perfect for childrend and small adults. And it's so cozy, simulating "the warmth of a Tauntaun carcass ."

It even has a little glowing lightsaber as the zipper. Aside from authentic sound effects as you unzip it, this product has it all.

Buy yours today!

**Warning: does not protect against wampa-attack. Jedi visions not included.**

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

Buckshot: Off the Port Bow

It still seems strange to me that in this day and age, piracy is still such a threat.

But if there's one thing I've learned from the interwebs, it's that the only solution to the piracy problem is ninjas.

Or perhaps we could track down this fellow to aid in the negotiations. Either way, it would get very interesting.



-Buck

Read on, faithful few!