Ye like me kerrrr-chief?

[Click to mucho grande!]


I forgot the REAL strip at home, says I. Me bag do me as empty as your head.

-Erik

Read on, faithful few!

"One Night on Endor"

[Click to enlarge.]



-Hooper

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"He has a ______ personality."

[Click to enlarge.]





-Hooper

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TPH: Getting Fixed

Cross-posted at The Exchange & The Political Hoedown


Much is being made of Health Care/Insurance reform of late. Look on any major news site, op-ed page or political blog and you’ll run into several pieces posted just this week covering the breaking news! over Blue Dog Dems dealing or Obama pushing or Republicans pushing back, not to mention the pontificating on both sides of the aisle over what “reform” really means for health care in America, co-op vs. public option…and the shouting at Town Halls! It’s more than part of the news cycle – it’s a key argument about our future.

It’s the first major legislative battle Obama has had to fight, and for the Democratic Party, it’s a chance to reverse a fifteen-year-old loss. More than these, it is a new theatre of war in the battle for our civil liberties.

The Bush Administration is still fresh in our minds. How many readers have lamented that since 9/11 (or afterwards, when the Patriot Act was passed), our civil liberties have been trampled on/infringed upon/lost? It’s a common topic that talks of the individual freedoms we hold valuable in our country.

(Less directly, those voicing dissent were also realizing a harsh reality: that these “truths we hold to be self-evident” and divinely-granted exist only due to the government’s benevolent, diverse structure and state.)

The thinking is this: we have a measure of control (freedoms) over our personal lives (and by extension, choices) that cannot be impugned by any governmental body. The most common freedom referenced is that of Speech, tying into the freedom to disagree with the government and its members.

So were our freedoms infringed upon over the last seven and change years? And how does this factor into health care?!

Short answer: 1) no, and 2) health care reform as exists in draft form (ObamaCare) is a direct interference in our lives, a diluting of our personal liberties.

Not-as-short answer, we’ll talk first about Bush (yay, that hasn’t been done a lot!).

Aside from the flag-draped coffins arriving in cargo planes, the biggest uniquely “American” tragedy of the recent Bush years is the “loss” of civil liberties/personal freedoms. But let’s take a look further. Yes, the TSA interrupted our travel, causing frustration. We were also limited in the quantity of cosmetics we could bring on planes (still no guns). Regarding dissent – freedom of speech in general – if anything, Bush’s time in office saw a flowering of free speech. Having worked in a book store, I witnessed firsthand the number of anti-Administration books that were published – harsh tomes that didn’t hold their punches and outright derided, accused and insulted most of the top officials. Few were spared. One novel, by Nicholson Baker, had its main character fantasizing about killing Bush (though he was talked out of it).

In the theatres, we saw the scathing documentary Fahrenheit 9/11, which took aim at the Administration’s run-up to and early execution of the War in Iraq (as well as the handling of 9/11 itself). “Critical” is an understatement. And how many times did we tune in to a left-leaning pundit, talk show host or guest lambasting Bush or Cheney or Rumsfeld as evil, fascist, corrupt, or at the least questionable in their morality?

Is this provocative newsmaking? Strict journalism? No, much of what was published, printed, screened or screamed by the cable punditry was personal opinion, heavily biased and often filled with fervent desire to see those in power toppled like an Iraqi statue, i.e., brought low by impeachment. While this never happened, “administration change” was a stated policy goal of many armchair politicians.

So freedom of speech. Freedom to (angrily) travel. Abortion and gay-related issues existed at the end of term where they were at the beginning, from a national perspective. Your taxes went down (yes, for all of you; a new lower bracket was even created). Your incomes may also have gone down, or your home values or 401(k)’s; insurance premiums did rise. But those aren’t “freedoms,” but rather a part of living in a capitalist, largely market-driven society.

More importantly, during this time your freedom of choice wasn’t altered. Choice to drink or smoke, to have a hamburger, to drive an SUV.

To not be insured.

We require our drivers to get car insurance, mainly to pay for repairs when that other guy hits you while turning left out of a Taco Bell parking lot. It’s a safety net for those responsible in traffic accidents, so they don’t go broke when their ’89 Civic rear-ends a Bentley. There are multiple parties involved.

Health insurance is a different beast. It’s about you and your body. It’s a choice you make about protecting that body and your pocketbook in case of injury or serious illness. We don’t cover ourselves to pay for cold medicine; as John Stossel said recently, insurance isn’t welfare, but instead coverage for a potential catastrophic incident. It secures against the potential maladies that can’t be solved by a trip to CVS or Walgreens, those things that cost a lot to fix.

But we still – as of this writing, and since insurance was invented – have a choice whether or not to buy it.

Our employers might cover us. They certainly don’t need to provide insurance. Tying your health care to where you work has shackled many to careers they’d rather not have. But we expect it, don’t we? It’s taken for granted that if you work for a major corporation, “benefits” will be included – benefits being medical coverage, dental, vision, emergency room service, etc. When it’s not offered, many throw their hands up and moan. What am I going to do? they cry.

In the case you don’t have employer-provided coverage, you can buy insurance (as the company is doing for its employees) from a provider, paying semi-annually to maintain the safety net against grievous injury or sickness.

But, again, you don’t have to; there is no requirement. If we’re not careful, however, there could be.

For lack of a better term, I’ll call what’s coming out of the Democratic Caucuses “ObamaCare,” and in its purest form it approaches a single-payer (that payer being the gov’t) system that many in America don’t understand, but also recoil from when it’s mentioned. As is being drafted currently, ObamaCare would include a requirement – punishable, if violated – for all employers to buy their employees health care and for all individuals to somehow have coverage, buying it if is not provided otherwise. A mandate.

So be healthy, or pay a fine. Or another way to look at it, Dear Leader says buy our healthcare.

It’s just a matter of time, if ObamaCare is passed, before the single-payer option is introduced in some pilot phase. We have a debate now between a government insurance program (the “public” option; run & owned by the gov’t and funded with your tax dollars) and the co-op (a member-owned group that uses their purchasing power to get lower costs collectively than alone).

(I’m more for the latter, predominantly because I think small businesses should have the option – should they choose – of collective bargaining that we think only unionistas are entitled.)

Public or co-op, under ObamaCare one way has to be in the bill to ensure “lower” cost insurance options, as we would all need to have something under pain of high fines. And here’s where the freedom of choice goes away.

We should not be forced by a governmental body to buy health insurance, something that affects solely the individual (if I punch you, and you need dental work, no health care plan of mine in the capitalist world would pay your bill). It’s our choice.

Many of those that are uninsured are post-college adults who either don’t have the job that supplies insurance or choose not to be covered, as they are young and healthy. Catastrophic risk is low for them, as relates to illness (we all can fall victim to accidents & injuries).

Why are we seeing a party that champions individual choice (we can cut to the quick with one word: abortion) refusing to allow the same regarding health care coverage?

This is a step toward a nanny state, and what do nannies do but take away the choices of the child.

If we are soon mandated to have health insurance, how long before fast food joints are fined for serving real beef burgers (too fatty!) instead of veggie burgers? Or bread producers (and their supporting farmers) ordered to make only gluten-free products, as some claim our bodies aren’t supposed to handle the stuff? Or regular pop – or pop in general, as diet might possibly in an alternate world lead to cancer! It’s all unhealthy, right? We shouldn’t consume these products, as they’d raise the potential for future maladies (and jack up costs)…right, Dear Leader?

What about the “legalize” movement, predominantly supported by the same left-leaning people who voted Obama into office? It’ll be a cold day before pot is legalized; in fact, it’s more likely that cigarettes face a 100% national tax – punishing smokers, isolating them, even more – on their way to an eventual banning.

And then there’s that can of beer you drink while watching a game. Prohibition was a failure, and it was the result of a religious-backed temperance movement that saw it pass. Well, “health care reform” advocates want your body to be insured and in tip-top shape; liquor doesn’t factor into that equation. Look for higher sales taxes, more restrictions on purchases by individuals and establishments, neighborhood bar & grill closures.

Because you have to be as healthy as the government says. There is no more room for personal choice when it comes to our bodies, right? That’s what I’m hearing with ObamaCare. Health care reform is no longer an issue of children being without insurance or the homeless being denied care. We’re not talking about lowering costs so the woman working two jobs can afford coverage to combat her returned cancer.

No, we’re skipping the true “need” aspect of health care (that being low, market-driven costs with state restrictions eliminated, co-op pools for small businesses, et al) for the ideological stance of a small group of policy makers too enamored with the concept of “universal coverage” to realize the dread cost to the end-consumer or the country as a whole.

The potential for failure to reform health care – to make it affordable for all – is high. No one likes to hear the tragic stories where if they had coverage Bobby would be alive, or little Susie’s heart valve defect would’ve been detected in utero, avoiding frantic emergency surgery, or Ted wouldn’t have gone bankrupt paying for his wife’s caner medication and treatment. Those stories will compound if nothing is done.

But the right action isn’t necessarily the one presented, and I’m not saying it’s 100% the Grumbling Opposition Party’s way either. What I do fervently believe is that we need to be mindful of the individual’s right to choose – and the related personal freedoms that could be endangered should we lose that right.

Our civil liberties come in many forms. A woman’s right to choose is not the only heath care choice we have the “right” to make. If we want to create a society that lets the person and not the government make the choice in the vast majority of cases, we cannot allow ourselves to turn a deaf ear when protest is raised on a topic we feel strongly about.

Take a few steps back. Slow down the process. Reform the health care system, but don’t devolve our rights in the process.

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

Tears of Oil

And you said no story with killer robots and mad scientists could be boring...

Read on, faithful few!

TPH Returns - "Fiscally Conservative, Socially Realistic"

The Political Hoedown returns, now with no foolhardy attempt at regularity.

*Is there room in the US for a moderate party? Can self-styled "progressive" or reform Republicans (think Teddy Roosevelt or *gasp* Barry Goldwater?!) and, in their own way, "Blue Dog" Democrats (who're fighting DNC leaders about the Health Care reform bill as currently drafted) find a common slogan to rally behind?

*Palin-tology: the future of our maverick-y sled dog.

*Today's polls mean little for next year's mid-term. No big expansion on that point; just don't trust them. …okay, I'll expand a little.


Read on @ The Political Hoedown!

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

Moonwalking with the angels...under strict supervision.

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A glimpse of the future

I thought this was too fun not to share, especially since I'm a child of Transformers and Hooper is a child of G.I. Joe.

Funny Videos Funny Cartoons More Video Clips

I find David Lynch's Koosh Ball unnerving.


-Buck

Read on, faithful few!

Not a fan of the gays, America?

What happened last night, compatriots? I'm not talking about the Sox winning or the exciting last minute of the Cavs game. Kris Allen winning American Idol: bwah?!

I'm not saying he isn't talented or a good singer. As a musician, he's probably better than Adam Lambert, the to-this-point odds on favorite. But he was so...whitebread college town bar singer. Adam knows he's a star.

Is it the boy-kissing, America? Certainly Adam would've been the most "fabulous" idol, and he makes no bones about that (!). His appearance is over-the-top fancy emo, and that voice! Bordering at times on the absurd, it always invigorates his song choices and shows why all season he'd been considered in a class on his own. It soars and swoons, that voice.

But it also sounded, some weeks, like he should've been in drag, aping Liza. Can I chalk that up as the reason for his loss?

I'm not convinced Tuesday's performance did it for Kris and did in Adam. Like Carrie Underwood, Adam had been nigh untouchable in the elimination rounds. He was a shoe-in, even over Danny Gokey, he of the sob story and the early fav. Then Kris sang Heartless, astoundingly well, and it seemed - to me - that people could now justify their votes for him. Favs dropped in his path, and he clinched it with his more marketable voice.

So that means people were waiting for greatness to justify why this guy the Red Eye said would go out before the top 10 had stuck around while better, or more favored, singers left. With Gokey gone, his fans - more similar to Kris' than Adam's - latched on to the only "traditional" thing left.

Alas, alack.

Though I may be called paranoid, I'm not convinced this underdog story occurred naturally. I've said it before, let's repeat the chorus: it's fixed. If election after election Chicago's Democratic Machine can massage the votes enough to get their people in, then of course we can legitimately call shenanigans on American Idol. The producers got a great story arc out of this - the dark-horse-who's-apple-pie-America - and the means to drum up post-show dollar votes for Adam (feel he was cheated? Buy his album and show ol Slidejaw Allen who really deserved the dandy crown).

It is a show, and therefore not important in the grand scheme, but I would've really liked an Adam victory. He rocked it with KISS and Queen (well...Brian May and Roger Taylor). That showmanship, that voice and atypical sense of personal acceptance made him the clear winner. A shame it wasn't made official.

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

Hooper Reviews Heroes: Fugitives - Ep 9

Heroes Season 3
Volume Four: Fugitives


Episode Nine: "Turn and Face the Strange"

What Happened:

Let's nutshell this one:

*Sylar and Danko frame HRG, who figures out the two are working together (clever girl). HRG also faces divorce, after Sylar messes with him while looking like his wife, prompting the company man to slam his wife into a table and press a gun to her head before a conveniently-timed call from Lyle (who? Oh, the brat) convinces him of her real-ness.
*Peter and Angela (later met by Claire, Nathan, and HRG) show up at a broken down camp of sorts where the bodies are buried, or something ominous (summer camp gone horribly wrong!).
*Matt Parkman meets his son, successfully delivered by Hiro and Ando, after ruining the one good thing in Danko's life (because that's heroic; to be fair, he doesn't kill anyone and realizes he's hit bottom).
*Suresh discovers what his dad was up to back in the 60s.

***

There are three great things about this episode:

1) Matt meets his kid, and it's a genuinely happy moment in a grim story. We see this has/will change Parkman's characterization for the better, both within the story and narratively. The guy's been Debbie Downer since this all started, not thinking logically, ignoring all the cop stuff and any sense of levity.

2) HRG is still amazing. No non-powered character is better than him, and I'd say he's more rounded than anyone on the show. So not only does he deduce the Sylar-body isn't Sylar, but James Martin, he then puts two and two together that Danko rigged this up. Sans glasses, he strolls into Danko's office, pretending to be Sylar-as-HRG and holds up some "new" files from Primatech. The bald hunter takes the bait. HRG holds him at gunpoint, but it goes downhill after that (Danko correctly tells HRG which agent Sylar is posing as, HRG shoots him and tells those around that it's really Sylar, but Sylar holds off healing to frame Noah. Noah flees, etc etc.). He's smart, and he operates using real logic, not make-believe emotional snap-decisionry (a Petrelli favorite).

3) The Japanese Trucker that sounds like GW Bush's neighbor.

***

Heroes: Fugitives
Episode One: "A Clear and Present Danger"
Episode Two: "Trust and Blood"
Episode Three: "Building 26"
Episode Four: "Cold Wars"
Episode Five: "Exposed"
Episode Six: "Shades of Gray"
Episode Seven: "Cold Snap"
Episode Seven: "Into Asylum"

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

He's very convincing, for a gecko.

Written a while ago, here is a comic strip "from the vault."

...not that anything has gone anywhere but the vault. I digress.

***

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

Lions attacks buffalo. Crocodile attacks buffalo. Buffalo's friends arrive.

EDIT: Link Fixed!


They call it the Battle at Kruger.

A landmark wildlife preserve in South Africa, Kruger Park offers a variety of safari options. Few realize "open warfare" was one of them. This video was shot by some tourists and their guide. To entice you to click through, I will say it features a pride of lions attacking a water buffalo...before a crocodile decides it wants some of the action.

And then the buffalo's friends arrive.

It's not David Lean-quality directing, but it's a unique glimpse at nature-in-action that even the best Nova special often misses (or has to over-edit to present). The tourist commentary ("Oh, you're too late!") is entertaining.

War at the Watering Hole!

Enjoy.

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

Plot Summaries, Take 2

After enjoying the plot summaries I linked to earlier in the week (check it out if you haven't, and be sure to read the comments section, as many other readers chimed in with their own), Hooper and I were bitten by the creativity bug. So without further ado, here are our own plot summaries for various movies and TV shows. We hope you have as much fun reading them as we had writing them.

Hooper's are in RED, mine are in BLUE.

• 8MM: Private detective discovers a burgeoning niche market in home video distribution.
• Armageddon: Widower fails to protect daughter’s virginity, dies.
• Back to the Future: Deranged scientist steals nuclear material, pushes teenage boy to incest.
• Bad Boys: "Thug" culture corrupts urban police station.
• Bambi: Hunter misses second shot. (Alternate: Hunter fails to fill his quota for the season.)
• Big: Pre-teen with hormone imbalance seduced by corporate climber.
• Blade: Narcissist seeks to destroy all those like him.
• Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Teenage girl desecrates corpses, dates older men.
• Chicago: Murderers are set free, pursue employment in the entertainment industry.
• Deliverance: Weekend plans go awry.
• Dog Day Afternoon: Gay man acts up for media attention.
• Dracula: Recluse discovers new tastes abroad.
• Face/Off: Cosmetic surgery breakthrough discovered.
• Family Guy: Two local pedophiles go undetected in family-friendly neighborhood.
• Finding Nemo: Inattentive father loses physically handicapped son, mocks mentally-disabled woman.
• Forrest Gump: Retarded man has bad timing, inexplicably breeds.
• Frasier: Retired police officer suffers indignities of two closeted sons, ill-bred caregiver.
• Free Willy: Eco-terrorist ruins seaside attraction.
• Friday the 13th: Mother celebrates her late son's life.
• Friends: Woman abandons man at altar, shacks up with best friend's brother, has love child.
• Glory: Experimental military unit fails to achieve objective.
• Hot Fuzz: A fascist and his mentally-challenged friend work out their issues by assaulting senior citizens.
• House MD: High-end teaching hospital employs drug addict and self-absorbed residents who only treat one patient per week. (Alternate: Self-loathing drug addict saves lives.)
• How I Met Your Mother: Father shocks children with tales of promiscuity, brings into doubt his fidelity to their mother; "Aunt" Robin viewed in new light.
• Karate Kid: Put-out teenage boy enters physically abusive relationship with WWII vet.
• Kiss the Girls: Man expands unique collection, finds pen-pal.
• Lawrence of Arabia: Effeminate white man conquers Middle East.
• Mary Poppins: Nanny introduces psychedelics to upper-crust British children, violates child labor laws.
• Masters of the Universe: Foreign LARPers force couple to participate in their RPG; deformed midget discovers music.
• Men in Black: Government kills illegal alien, covers it up. (Alternate: Government agency's hiring program scrapes bottom of barrel.)
• Poltergeist: Parents abuse drugs while daughter is abducted.
• Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves: Returning vet has hard time fitting in, goes on crime spree with black man.
• Roseanne: Morbidly obese couple deal with economic hardship, disappointing children.
• Shaun of the Dead: British retail drone deals with spoiled meat.
• Signs: Faithless preacher ignores daughter during crisis.
• Sleepers: Murderers go free after sham trial.
• Smallville: Immigrant suspected in property destruction, mysterious deaths.
• South Park: Transgender teaches youth while town wallows in political corruption, spontaneous violence.
• Speed: Cripple endangers commuters.
• Spider-Man: Introverted teen gets radiation poisoning, begins professional wrestling career, kills wealthy industrialist.
• Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan: Retiree runs afoul of secret government think-tank.
• Star Wars: The Phantom Menace: Paramilitary religious cult takes boy from single mother, skilled mechanic's job.
• Star Wars: Attack of the Clones: Bi-polar teen endangers commuters, seduces older woman, attacks geriatric, propagates civil war.
• Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith: Assassination plot prevented; government enacts new reforms. Wife-beater promoted. (Alternate: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.)
• Steel Magnolias: Diabetic ignores doctor's advice, neglects newborn.
• The Big Lebowski: Differing philosophical viewpoints prove a distraction on League Night.
• The Blues Brothers: Fugitive brothers form band; antagonize police, socialists.
• The Bourne Identity: American tourist kills many, finds love during European janut.
• The Godfather: Domestic problems spill into the workplace.
• The Green Mile: Incarnation of Jesus Christ killed yet again after wrongful imprisonment. (Alternate: Dangerously large black man incites violence between prison official, inmate.)
• The Longest Day: Tourists take advantage of scenic beaches.
• The Negotiator: Many die in hostage situation.
• The Rock: Geriatric felon slaughters soldiers of fortune.
• The Shawshank Redemption: Convicted double-murderer escapes.
• The Simpsons: Mentally handicapped man starts family, gets union job.
• The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Tourists fail to anticipate special needs of local handicap.
• Tombstone: Lawman and his terminally-ill friend go on killing spree.
• Unbreakable: Paraplegic commits acts of terrorism, stalks family man with genetic disorder.

-Buck

Read on, faithful few!

GHOSTBUSTERS: Unemployed college professors destroy hotel with nuclear weapons.

Dorian of postmodernbarney (with some assistance from some of my favorite comics bloggers) brings the masses "Uncomfortable Plot Summaries."

Some of my favorites:

ALIENS: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.
BATMAN: Wealthy man assaults the mentally ill.
BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA: Redneck trucker kills Chinese immigrants.
DIE HARD: Dysfunctional cop saves marriage by murdering foreign national.
JURASSIC PARK: Theme park’s grand opening pushed back.
LORD OF THE RINGS: Midget destroys stolen property.
SCARFACE: Immigrant finds running his own business stressful, dangerous.
SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT: Redneck bootlegger makes mockery of law, sanctity of marriage.
STAR WARS: A NEW HOPE - Religious extremist terrorists destroy government installation, killing thousands.

Plenty more at the link.

-Buck

Read on, faithful few!

"Where are my Heroes reviews?!" (BABY!)

Due to a busy work schedule, as well as a rather big deal in my personal life (see below), I've been preoccupied. I do intend to get the reviews up sometime (there are three extant), but give me a bit to square other things up.

And my big deal?



We shall debut the child in September, certainly to rave reviews and much fanfare.

-Erik
(Hooper)

Read on, faithful few!

"And I thought they were soft...on the OUTside!"

The world of sleepovers got a whole lot awesomer.

ThinkGeek presents the TaunTaun sleeping bags. Currently available for delivery only to Hoth, the company hopes to distribute Sectorwide later this year.

Featuring an attached, embroidered tauntaun head pillow and a lining simulating the "smelly, but warm" insides of a dead tauntaun, the sleeping bag is perfect for camping out in the yard, spending the night at a friends or saving your future wife's idiot brother from certain death by exposure.

Measuring 32"x60", the sleeping bag is, according to ThinkGeek, perfect for childrend and small adults. And it's so cozy, simulating "the warmth of a Tauntaun carcass ."

It even has a little glowing lightsaber as the zipper. Aside from authentic sound effects as you unzip it, this product has it all.

Buy yours today!

**Warning: does not protect against wampa-attack. Jedi visions not included.**

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

Hooper Reviews Heroes: Fugitives - Episode 8

Heroes Season 3
Volume Four: Fugitives


Episode Eight: "Into Asylum"

What Happened:

Nathan and claire bond in Mexico while on the lam, and decide to return to the US. They have a cute scene where Nathan tries to raise money by out-drinking some American college students; he fails, but Claire steps in and her unique physiology allows her to win. A drunken Nathan admits he gave Claire the free pass to try and win her over, to make her like him, and that now he has to set things right. Upon waking (sober), he admits he doesn't have the ability to pick up the phone and Get Things Done, Claire loses faith, but later he comes around.

Angela and Peter find sanctuary in a church, giving Angela time to sleep and dream. They must bring the family together, including her sister. A sister? While at the church, Peter asks God why bad things happen to him. In pop a squad of agents led by HRG, who discovers the two hiding in the confessional. He says nothing. Good man, Noah Bennet.

A hero-napping goes awry when three of four agents are killed. Noah is not happy and lectures Danko for sending in agents who didn't know what they were up against. Turns out the killer is a shapeshifter and is posing as an agent. He can be anyone by just touching them, and has serious identity issues.

Danko is confronted by Sylar, who offers to work with "Building 26" to get all those with powers, leaving Sylar the last man standing. Their first joint target is the shapeshifter, who they track down and kill while he's wearing Sylar's face. Sylar takes his ability (empathically, not through rough neurosurgery, so the body is preserved), the agency thinks Sylar is dead and this dangerous liason can continue.

To be continued next week in "Turn and Face the Strange."

***

I enjoyed having a shapeshifter brought in, and that power adds a lot to the mix, especially since Sylar now has it. I liked that part of the episode. All the Petrelli-related stuff was a bit slow, overdue and simply continued to shuffle them around.

That's the problem with this season. Characters are simply moving from point a to b to c to etc. in order to get them to some predetermined endpoint. Why not give them real stories in the meantime?

Heroes: Fugitives
Episode One: "A Clear and Present Danger"
Episode Two: "Trust and Blood"
Episode Three: "Building 26"
Episode Four: "Cold Wars"
Episode Five: "Exposed"
Episode Six: "Shades of Gray"
Episode Seven: "Cold Snap"

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

Hooper Reviews Heroes: Fugitives - Episode 7

Heroes Season 3
Volume Four: Fugitives


Episode Seven: "Cold Snap"

What Happened:

Bryan Fuller returned with "Shades of Gray," but this week he really lets 'er rip.

First off, you can tell the writing duties have shifted, providing more specifics for camera shots, as the direction of the episode was superior to what's come before. Technically, it was better than anything this (half of the) season.

One of the parting shots last week was of Sylar in Danko's apartment, while Danko was present. This episode opens with Danko shaving and we see his routine, the meticulous nature of it, until the door alarm goes off ("The front door is open," chimes a voice). Grabbing a gun, he makes his way through is apartment to the entryway, closing the door. It's then, as he stalks into this living room, that he sees the present Sylar left him: Doyle, the Puppetmaster, all trussed up and unconscious with a note: "My gift to you."

HRG ducks around honking cars in stalled traffic and gets into a Angela Petrelli's car. With Nathan and Peter both flapping in the wind, it's up to the Company Man to keep the Angela's secret agenda on track. They back and forth about how HRG needs to give over a big fish to Danko, she suggesting Rebel and HRG offering up...her. She does him a favor and gives him her umbrella; he does one right back and says "don't go home." Theirs is a peculiar, but dynamic relationship. Spymaster and spy.

And he did, fortunately, leave her on guard. Shortly after he leaves, she asks the driver why they've stopped and as he's answering, plainclothes agents yank him out of the car and reach in for Angela, too. Then she jerks awake; it was one of her visions. She leans forward and tells the driver not to stop, ah, but there's construction- His door opens and he's pulled out, but she's long gone, having ducked out. She sidles up to a businessman. Silly me, what a day to forget an umbrella, can I share? she coos.

Danko has Mohinder brought to room marked "Human Resources; it's the storage room for the drugged heroes, including the mortally wounded Daphne. Thinking he's been brought to help her, Mohinder demands she be taken to a hospital. And then he's zapped and hooked up; remember, he was about to work with Nathan. HRG is offered a "ta da..." gift by Danko - the Puppetmaster, who did unpleasant things to Claire and Sandra. Danko claims he caught him. HRG offers to snag Rebel in return, by letting Tracy go and using her as bait. If the plan goes awry, she can always be killed in "self-defense." Tracy is briefly shown concentrating and breathing out frosty air...under the heat lamps.

Across the country, Hiro and Ando find themselves taking care of Matt Parkman, the baby and not the telepath sci-fi'ed back to infanthood. Turns out Janice Parkman (the two-timing ex) had her a baby boy - Parkman's. The two don't know what to do. Save Matt Parkman, was their quest, but this isn't their Matt Parkman to (want to) save. Hiro wants grandeur, Ando thinks there's more to the situation and the baby turns on the TV (look, adult Matt Parkman in a bomb vest on the news!). Hiro turns it off. This goes back and forth as our Japanese duo argue, with Hiro finally unplugging the TV (bad Baby! No TV for you.). It's only when Baby Matt turns the TV on...while it's unplugged...that Hiro and Ando start paying attention.

After Angela's escape, over in Building 26, Noah hangs up the phone and says she escaped. Probably tipped off, fumes Danko. She is clairvoyant, reminds HRG. And then the lights go out. "Rebel, rebel," quips HRG.

Tracy's heat room is shut off and she freeze-breaks her shackles, leaving through the unlocked door. Rebel guides Tracy through B26 to "Human Resources." She unhooks the important people (Matt, Mohinder, Daphne) while leaving the rest to rot. That she did that is impressive for her selfish character. Matt mentally blocks them from the guards they run across and, once on the street, Tracy ditches them. Matt carries Daphne to a hospital, Mohinder in tow.

Things move quickly. Matt gets Daphne into a hospital, nudging the doctor's gray matter so he won't report it as a gunshot wound. Matt and Mohinder stay with her.

Tracy slips into a department store and is in a dressing room, stealing clothes (creatively freezing off the security tags) when instead of a helpful assistant knocking (a different size?), it's HRG chiding Tracy that she should've stayed with the telepath. She threatens the wicked cold snap she's been building up; HRG thinks his drawn gun would finish her before the cold got him. A battle he doesn't want to fight. Lead me to Rebel, he claims, and he'll let her go - still on the run, but with a chance.

Hiro stars packing a bag for the baby; they will take him with them. Ando wonders if Hiro is so cold to the baby because of his own strained childhood: distant father...departed mother. It's then that Hiro tells Ando that he held his mother as she died when traveling back into the past (see Season Three, volume 3: Villains). He's trying not to cry, to be brave for the baby (of course nearly making Ando cry). Someone enters the home, breaking their Moment. They pull an ET and hide in the baby's closet, but Janice knows they aren't babysitters and gets a bit testy. When they start in about Baby Matt's power, she starts to believe they are genuinely there to help. Ah, but then the door again: agents.

They need Janice and Baby Matt for questioning. But he's just a baby.... She realized the danger Baby Matt is in and goes with the agents, saying they can get the boy from his babysitters. The agents clearly don't believe her and storm the house. Baby Matt brushes a hand against Hiro's face. Ando shoots his red lightning against the agents with forceful effect, only to get a gun butt to the face.

Hiro, previously powerless, freezes time. Yatta!

Turns out the "go/ignition" power of Baby Matt's works with people, too. Unfortunately, the touch only brings back the time freezing, not teleportation, so Hiro has to put Ando in a wheelbarrow and cart him twelve miles to the bus stop before restarting time. Toddler Touch and Go. Hurm.

Tracy passes an ATM that speaks her name, gives her money and a receipt that lists a Union Station locker containing ID and a boarding pass. She hops in a cab. Micah, watching from the sidelines, follows her.

So to be clear: Micah is Rebel, helping the nasty tart that looks like his mom. Can this end well?

Angela meets her friend Millie for lunch, seeking help. Well, she won't get it...at least not without receiving a tongue-lashing about her bizarre behavior since Arthur's death. Angela doesn't want to hear it, she's trying to help her boys and needs cash, clothes, a car. But Millie says then turn yourself in. That won't work for Mrs. Petrelli. She gets up to leave, but Millie relents and forks over all her cash (several hundred); Angela grabs her umbrella. Walking down the street later, she spots some plainclothes and tries to elude them, only to realize she's in a closing ring. Ducking into a hotel, she gets into an elevator before getting nabbed. Instead of going higher, the agents bring her car down. Just before she stops, she hears a thud on the car's roof. The doors open and Peter is there. He flies away with both of them.

Daphne wakes up, healed, and leaves the hospital. To Matt, she says their relationship was a mistake and she's going back on the run. She won't slow down for anyone.

At Union Station, Tracy opens the locker and gets the docs. Micah reveals himself and his role, to Tracy's chagrin. She tells the kid this was set-up to get Rebel - him. Micah wonders how she can be so selfish. He sets off an alarm so they can slip out. They walk through a parking garage, and Micah makes it known he thought, from her political bio, that she was altruistic. Maybe a few years back, but not now, she replies. Danko's forces make some noise and close in. Tracy asks Micah to talk to the sprinklers and get them to go off - and then to run. "Stay ahead of the ice."

Sprinklers drenching her and a squad of commandos, Tracy steps out from behind a car and walks to the middle of the garage. The others circle around her, pinning her in, guns drawn. And then she freezes everything. It isn't a quick freezing flash but works in waves, icing them more and more as she pushes the cold snap out of her. She even freezes herself solid, though she still lives. Micah escapes before the cold reaches him. Danko emerges after the "attack" has stopped and shoots Tracy in the chest, shattering her. HRG comes to his side and looks down (sadly?). A chunk of Tracy's face - her eyes, forehead and the top of her nose - comes into view. A tear runs down from one eye...and it blinks.

Daphne is in Paris when Parkman catches up to her, telling her he knows she loves it. How did he get there so fast? He flew. How'd she get there? Ran on water. And then he starts to actually float and offers her a view of the Eiffel Tower few ever get. She takes him up and they fly together. In the air she figures out this is all an illusion, and she's still in the hospital bed dying. Paris, the argument, reconnecting - it's all to give her a better end than what she got. And because he refuses to let her go. She asks him if he'd do her a favor. Anything. "Fly me to the moon." The jet off up in the sky and then across, a straight line to the moon...that becomes a flat line on the heart-rate monitor. Mohinder consoles Parkman.

Peter and Angela stand in the head of the Statue of Liberty and he asks her what she wants to do now.

To be continued in "Into Asylum."


***

Daphne and Tracy are dead, the latter only until the writers can work in a way to rebuild her. Daphne's death, while sad, is OK. She wasn't adding anything to the story and her relationship with Parkman was pretty contrived (ok, he sees them together in a possible future that also has Sylar a doting husband in oven mitts? Nah. That's like hoping Sandra Bullock and Keanue make it as a couple after Speed). And her power wasn't even used to its fullest offensive capacity.

Hiro has confronted his grief, and with Ando and a new mission, perhaps he can become more of the courageous man he only mimics now.

Danko isn't happy with HRG, but at least got to kill a hero.

Micah is Rebel, the communications hub of a future heroes movement. But is he mature enough to be smart with who he contacts and to accept orders? He's smart, but just a kid.

Angela and Peter might be forming the nucleus of a resistance - brains and power.

No hero is in chains who we care about, but Sylar might be aiding the "enemy."

***

Next week, Sylar propositions Danko...to be his partner (dun dun duuuuun!!!).

Heroes: Fugitives
Episode One: "A Clear and Present Danger"
Episode Two: "Trust and Blood"
Episode Three: "Building 26"
Episode Four: "Cold Wars"
Episode Five: "Exposed"
Episode Six: "Shades of Gray"


-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

The Unused Final Crisis Cover

Few people know the original ending to Final Crisis didn't culminate in Superman saving the day, as per normal, but rather another titan we all know and love.



Da smackdown with Darkseid woulda been brutal.

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

Hooper Reviews Heroes: Fugitives - Episode 6

Heroes Season 3
Volume Four: Fugitives


Episode Six: "Shades of Gray"

Note: This will be really short, as I didn't see the whole episode the first time around and have been busy since.


A quick rundown:

*Parkman had a bomb strapped to his chest by the Hunter (Danko); he was drugged and released into a crowded area around Congress. The SWAT team surrounded him, and Nathan quickly arrived (flew) at the scene, calming Parkman down. Matt was able to read a bomb tech's mind and defuse the device. He was taken into custody after being knocked out by Nathan (can't have him reading minds now, can he?).

*Sylar came to the end of his road trip, an old shack in the woods, and finally met his father, Samson Gray (played liver-spotted, in full beard and very grey by John Glover)...who turned out not to be the great white hunter Sylar expected. Dying of cancer, on oxygen, Samson also has the intuitive/absorption power. In fact, he "hunted" for a number of years before giving up on the big game, finding it pointless, and settling in with what powers he can still remember (including a lulling whistle [sedation] and telekinesis).

He stuffs animals now (not slang for anything, you pervs). Sylar chose not to kill him and instead sought answers, such as why did Samson kill his wife (as seen last episode in flashback). Unfortunately, the years have not been kind to his memory, and Samson didn't remember. But he did remember the hunger that drove him to kill for powers, that Sylar deals with, when he saw his son cut his finger and then heal.

Pinning him to the wall with arrows and sedating him, he moved to cut Sylar's head open and gain access to all his abilities, but was stopped. Sylar was playing possum (irony!) and proceeded to choke Samson with his own oxygen tube...before realizing it better to let this old, broken man die alone and in pain. He left, having only made one mistake: he told Samson where he got the healing power...a cheerleader in California

*Tracy got moved back into her heat room in Building 26, received a message from Rebel that hope is coming, and then Nathan said that he's her "only hope." Danko questioned her about Nathan, trying to get her to admit he has a power (she did say, "You're one of us!" at one point). She replied he's lousy in bed, and doesn't know anything about any power.

*Danko continued to press Nathan, but it appeared he pressed to hard. Nathan came back after the Parkman affair with a presidential order removing Danko from the task force. Catching the Senator in a glass (exterior) elevator, Danko shot the glass and pushed Nathan out. Of course, Nathan flew away after exchanging quite a look with our dear Hunter. "Tell me you didn't know about this," Danko whispered to a stunned HRG.

*Claire helped the Puppetmaster (Doyle) evade the agents and supplied him with fake IDs. While she was saving him, he actually resisted the urge to have a female agent shoot herself, instead forcing her to knock herself unconscious against a wall.

*Hiro and Ando got a message from Rebel telling them to save Matt Parkman at a certain address. They showed up, looking for "Matt Parkman" and are mistaken for babysitters...for the infant named "Matt Parkman." Hilarity is sure to ensue.

To be continued next week in "Cold Snap."


Heroes: Fugitives
Episode One: "A Clear and Present Danger"
Episode Two: "Trust and Blood"
Episode Three: "Building 26"
Episode Four: "Cold Wars"
Episode Five: "Exposed"


-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

Mixed Signals

A few thoughts regarding the proposed Illinois crosswalk/pedestrian law that would require cars to stop for pedestrians in the crosswalk:

To be clear, I have no issue with a law on our books stating that for the crosswalk going with the flow of traffic, the pedestrians should have right-of-way vs. turning cars. That's common sense.

However, entering into law the notion that a driver would be legally responsible to stop (therefore in the wrong, in case of an accident) when a pedestrian uses the crosswalk that runs against the flow of traffic is more than just bad legislation. It's dangerous.

We have walk/don't walk signals at all stop-light controlled intersections. This lets pedestrians know when it is safe to freely cross (walk), when discretion is required (don't walk-flashing) or when it is unsafe and then can't/shouldn't walk (don't walk-solid). When traffic is flowing, say, east-west, the north-south crosswalk signals show a "don't walk" sign, the equivalent of a pedestrian's "red light." They know not to cross, as they would be going against the flow of traffic and, as such, in the wrong for any accident. It all has to do with respecting those with whom you share the road - cars, pedestrians, bicyclists, rickshaw drivers (Chinatown), etc.

If the law, as proposed, is passed, that "don't walk" signal becomes meaningless. Now, pedestrians no longer have any legal obligation (only mortal) to not cross against traffic. Why should they? The law says they are in the right and cars must yield to them. It's hazardous for their lives and the motorists and is bad form when held against the rules of the road and all the safety skills we had drilled into us at Safety Village.

In a perfect metropolis, the only big vehicles on the roads would electric street cars, with bike lanes and better sidewalks. But we don't live in this semi-science fiction world. We have cars, and must deal with their presence not with hostility but respect, as we want them to respect us, the pedestrians. Violating the crosswalk signals places us in mortal danger, as it does those cars headed towards us.

A new law on the books would also add undue mental distress to motorists who would face not only the physical and mental damage of hitting a dumb guy who saunters across the road in clear ignorance of the "don't walk" solid signal, but also new legal woes. Moving forward with what is presented, we're treating motorists as health advocates treat smokers - not deserving of equal treatment.

I'd urge you to push for a change to this crosswalk law, to contact your state congressmen and senators and see some positive amendments put in place. If not that, I would implore you to think through the ramifications of this law in all their forms.

More information can be obtained by talking to the Active Transportation Alliance, a great non-profit promoting "better biking, walking and transit."

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

Trade-Waiting: Why Make It Hard First?!

Raise your hands if you intend to buy the "Thor: Balder the Brave" Premiere Marvel Hardcover, 176 pages for $25. I...don't see much interest. Collecting Balder the Brave 1-4 and Thor 360-362, seven issues from the mid 80s, Marvel has decided to sap your wallet of its meager cash supply, insisting these issues require fancy treatment. Yes, Walt Simonson, author and co-artist (with Sal Buscema), tells a very epic tale and his style has definitely influenced the current generation of "widecreen" artists, not to mention the recent slate of Matt Fraction-penned Thor tales.

But $3.57 per issue for seven, 20+ yr-old comics that no one's beating down the door to buy in deluxe edition? Is this the best we can get collect? Thinking on Thor, what about Dan Jurgens's run that, more recent and "relevant" to modern audiences, remains only collected piecemeal?

While these old comics are great, and Simonson's Thor run deserves to be fully collected, why not choose omnibus trade paperbacks that are affordable? For $24.99, DC reprinted the whole of Superman's "Our Worlds At War" saga - 20 issues! - and fulfilled the two "A+A" principles of comic book trade collecting: Affordability and Availability. Yet even DC has been failing, with Marvel, on the first principle, probably the most important.

Because publishers love it hard.

***

Release a popular story, and you know it will sell in trade in today's market. A great example is the Sinestro Corps War in the Green Lantern titles over at DC. Several one-shots and months worth of both Green Lantern and the Green Lantern Corps, the "SCW" was admired by fans and non-fans alike for its effective, clear, self-contained storytelling. Three collections (vol. 1, vol. 2 and Tales of the "SCW") hit stores after the conclusion...in hardcover. The prices were $24.99 for vols. 1 & 2 and $29.99 for Tales...; the softcovers (or what we traditionally think of as "trades") are $14.99 for each.

So let's break that down looking at vol. 1. It collected the one-shot that started the story as well as the next four parts. The HC prices out at ~$5 ($4.998) per issue. To be fair, that's how much the GL: Sinestro Corps Special cost, and it was 64 pages. The other issues carried a $2.99 cover price, a $2 mark-up in HC. Of course, materials costs in a hardcover are greater than an SC.

Over in that SC, each issue costs you $3 ($2.998). So it's a $1.96 savings over buying the issues as they were released, while the HC is a $8.04 mark-up over the singles.

Which would you choose?

This is but one illustration of a trend that's gripped the Big Two over the last several years. Before 2000, trades were rare to begin with; only the biggest stories were collected, or those by the better-known creators. Titles were sporadically gathered into trades, often leaving large gaps between storylines (tragically, in the 1990s there was no DC or Marvel title fully collected among their best-sellers - that goes for Superman, Batman, Spider-man, the X-Men, etc. - when such a practice would've probably revolutionized comic collecting). The back issue business boomed (well, then busted, but it boomed for years before that!).

Over the last ten years, publishers have realized the revenue potential of the bookstore market, which means you need collections, square bound if softcover or just HC, to fill shelves. And because we're dealing with capitalist organizations, they want to make a buck. Thus, overpriced hardcover collections are released, followed months later by softcovers.

It used to be that HCs were reserved for the best a company had to offer. Neil Gaiman returns to The Sandman with "Endless Nights," released first as an oversized HC and then later, an oversized SC. It was a big deal, and the HC made that apparent; it even broke into the NYTimes top 20 fiction bestsellers (HC) when it was released. Now, you get every so-so X-Men arc in "premiere" HC shortly after it concludes, with the SC still half a year away. The pizazz of the hardcover collection is diminished.

***

Let us not deride collecing in trade every issue of an ongoing series. There's nothing wrong with creating such a backlist. Personally, I think it's great to be able to check out a year's worth of a series from the library or "trade-waiting" (the practice of not buying singles and only getting trades) and not missing anything. But Marvel and DC are missing the point. People buy these things for convenience/availability, yes, but due to the financial breakdown of the trade allowing for better affordability than singles.

Single-issue ads pay for large chunks of a comic's cost as does the cover price itself; trades then, ideally, are closer to "pure profit," produced after creators are paid their gross fees with just royalties owed now (if any) as well as production costs. Therefore, trades can be priced less than the sum of the single issues they collect. That's the logic that governs softcovers, but HCs are priced higher (in the case of vol. 1 of Sinestro Corps War, ~ 47% higher) to capture more profit. The economic logic is simple - understandable, in today's highly competitive market - but long-term deadly.

Imagine I'm a new comic book reader. I decide to collect X-Men in trades, as there's no comic book store nearby, but I can get the collections easily at my local Borders. I decide this after 1) seeing one of the X-movies on cable and checking out the first Astonishing X-Men trade from the library. Going whole hog, I choose to get all three main X-titles (adjectiveless, Uncanny and
Astonishing), as it will cost less in trade than in singles, so I can afford all three. I follow along online with what's going on in the singles, when stories end and when I can expect trades. Much to my disappointment, however, my financial situation does not allow me to pay 40%+ more for the issues in HC and that is the only way I can get the titles once the arcs have finished. I could
wait for half a year (at least) for the SCs and realize my 10%+ savings, but I am disillusioned that for entry-level titles at the biggest comic publisher in the US, I have to pay a premium to get what is essentially the second go-around of the offering plate. I am punished for buying the collections. I make another decision and choose not to get the HCs. In time, I forget why I wanted to buy these in the first place and just...drop comics. Then, I go on a shooting spree.

While a bit extreme, the above does illustrate the problem of releasing HCs so far in advance of softcovers. There is no incentive to buy HCs if you're watching your wallet and SCs are down the line; but then again, there is much rage when forced to wait close to a year after a story's wrapped up to buy said softcover. Much rage.

***

How does the "HC-first" policy help titles? Are the companies claiming it's better for business and helps grow the customer base? If anything, new customers will abandon bookstores and comic book shops (the former matters less than keeping the latter alive and prosperous), heading for discounts online at Amazon or DCBS. This hurts the industry, long-term, by destabilizing brick-and-mortor retailers like a Comics Galore or Graham Cracker Comics or Asylum Comics.

So it's no only the consumer who is punished by the edict to issue trades in HC first, softcover later, denying them affordability (you can't argue that the quick publication denies availability; in fact, they publish collections - incl. HCs - so quickly now for a lot of titles, that availability of a story is almost better than during the hey-day of the "comic book shop" pre-1994); now the comic book store that kept the industry alive* during the bleak mid- and late-90s loses business to the online retailer because it can't offer the same level of discounts.

What sort of companies deliver their primary (or most visible) delivery system? With the newsstand market long gone and other distribution methods still in growing pains, it becomes more apparent to me to provide beneficial pricing opportunities to comic book stores to keep this "direct market" afloat. Perhaps this can be done by releasing softcovers to them at the same time as HCs, though not to bookstores or online retailers (they can get them six months after the HC is released, or whatever the timeline is). The HC market exists, but not in the size to justify every single story getting it's own select or premiere or deluxe oversized HC treatment.

***

The best example of a series' collection is that of Dark Horse's Conan (the Cimmerian) by Kurt Busiek, Tim Truman, Cary Nord, et al. When it comes time to release a collection and they are prompt, the release comes in both hardcover and softcover almost simultaneously. The printing of the HCs is even far lower than the SCs, owing to the smaller market, higher price and desire to create an aura of "collectibility." Perfect. If you want to release everything in HC, this is the way to go.

Another good example is how Marvel treats their "Ultimate" line and DC their "youth" books (such as Titans-related, including Teen Titans and Blue Beetle): no hardcover releases at all of one arc. You might get a big HC, as with the "Ultimate" line, that covers three or so trades; what a great idea! And Teen Titans? Those stories are great for younger readers, good hooks, but HC collections would be like putting a electrode on a gerbil's food pellet. The shock to the system (cost; a sense of...fiscal violation) conditions one not to do said action again.

The big hurdle for publishers is to realize that not every arc is worth putting out in such deluxe format. Most of the mainstream titles at the Big Two would see brisker trade sales in paperback (conjecture) if released when the HC normally came out. Save the HCs for omnibus-type collections, like Marvel did with the first two years of Brubaker's Captain America run, or DC currently is doing with Starman (six deluxe HCs covering the whole series plus supplemental material...released long after the trades). Enchance their impact.

Long run, this method will be better for the comic book industry: more titles out in cheaper formats sooner to create and hook readers with a steady supply of material that will make said readers more apt to purchase the higher-cost items in the future.

And by Odin's beard, get some the lead out and collect Dan Jurgens' Thor run!


-Hooper



*An argument can be made that comic book stores, specialty shops that bloomed into existence over the 1980s, grew beyond their means in the 1990s and that the eventual closing of more than half nationwide over the late 1990s (continuing through today) was a market adjustment. The newsstand market gave comic books the mass media status they've enjoyed since the 1930s, though the days of the spinner rack are long behind us.

Read on, faithful few!

The Den of Mystery Reviews WATCHMEN

"Set in an alternate 1985 where the "doomsday" clock is at four
minutes to midnight, Nixon is in his fifth term and heroes existed...once....
Outlawed in the late 70s, only "masks" working for the government can keep
active, the rest slipping into obscurity, retirement or the shadows that birthed
them.

"Until one of them dies."

That is a wildly simple intro to the world of Watchmen, Alan Moore and Dave Gibbon's "graphic novel" magnum opus. Lauded as one of Time's top 100 novels of the last hundred years, it was a game-changer when it was first published. Declared unfilmable by both Alan Moore and legions of fans who doubt the complexity would transfer to screen, Watchmen now comes to theatres after twenty years of legal and studio wrangling.

It has a hard "R" rating, is awfully close to three hours long, has no real "star" power in the cast and features superheroes analogous to other superheroes...and no one's heard of any of them. A tough sell.

We at the Den, Hooper and Buck, caught it separately this past weekend and will try to untangle some of our own thoughts on the film.

Hooper gives it a hard 8/10, citing maintenance of the overall thematic integrity of the original series; flaws exist but still a damn fine film.

Buck claims it fell short of the mark, giving it 6/10, and calling it "too faithful" to the source material. Prior knowledge is almost a requirement.


And now, the review. Beware, ye readers, of SPOILERS.

***


Hooper:
I walked out of the theatre happy (overall) with what I saw. This movie captured much of the original series, focusing the story without fundamentally changing it. The essence of what made the story great and lasting - the deconstruction of these heroes, why they put on the mask, what it means to even consider yourself a "super" hero, how we compromise - is up there on the screen.


Buck:
I found it...lacking. Initially, a 7/10 or "C." You can be TOO faithful when adapting a story. Ultimately, I did not find it satisfying.


Hooper:
1. Do you think it was right to keep the movie set in 1985, as some people say the nuclear/USSR threat is a novelty/unbelievable by today's youth?

2. When you say "too faithful," do you think it would've been better to cut out, say, the Mars stuff and Laruie's parentage (+ mom)? Basically, I wonder how, given what you saw, you'd've addressed an adaptation.


Buck:
What I meant by "too faithful" is that the movie actually made me upset that I'd dragged Mrs. Buck to see it. Knowing she's unfamiliar with the material, I tried to watch the film from her point of view, and grew increasingly frustrated. The film almost had an attitude of "Everyone's read this, right? Okay, well, what we're going to do is film it exactly as it appeared on the page. We're going to go into painstaking detail to re-create Alan and Dave's creation. Except for the ending." As an adaptation goes, this wasn't constructed for people who are unfamiliar with the source.

That being said, I do want to see it again to see if my opinion changes. Who knows? Maybe the 7-hour (or however bloody long it is) director's cut will be a revelation that makes me love it. But as it stands, I was disappointed overall.

Pros: Jeffrey Dean Morgan's Comedian, Jackie Earle Haley's Rorscach, and while at first I was a bit thrown, I grew to really enjoy the detached way Billy Crudup portrayed Manhattan.

Cons: Matthew Goode's Ozymandias, the completely maudlin denouement in Antarctica, some of the "ramping up" of the violence (not that I'm a prude, more that I simply considered it unnecessary).


Hooper:
Morgan and Haley made me buy their characters as real. The most important "sells" in the move were those two characters. Do we see the "dark grey" morality of Comedian as a result of his worldview and its crushing weight or is he a jackass with a flamethrower? Is Rorschach a paranoid nutjob version of Batman, dolling out violence like candy, or is he the only real hero in the movie? Very strong performances that will help set their careers in high gear for a long time.

So we shared a dissatisfaction with the ending (for me, the "squid" change wasn't bad, but the scenes after it were) and the hyper-violence (which, while the comic was violent, caricatured a caricature).

One could argue, so far as adaptations go, that even Lord of the Rings was written for the fans, not the average movie-goer. Did we really need all that Last Alliance nonsense and any related lore? "A ring created by a malevolent sorcerer-king that corrupts everyone" - there, I saved you ten minutes at least from the first film. And references to other rings; those are just Easter eggs. Why not have Galadriel just a powerful sorceress-queen (elf) at odds with the evil guy? And all that walking and the talking trees and that other wizard (in white like the good guys' wizard guide? C'mon. I can't keep this straight). You could strip that novel down to one, 4-hr movie. Still epic, but not boring in the least.

Likewise, I think you could either cut out or add in to Watchmen, but so long as it's a superhero movie that hates superheroes and their petty fisticuffs, regular movie-goers will feel put out and lost. That, to me, is what I came away with from the few times I tried to think of myself as a layman on the subject matter. I understand entirely why you feel upset at bringing Susan; it's why I didn't press Mandy to go. This isn't a non-fan movie. Not all movies have to be made with EVERYONE in mind as the audience. Watchmen cannot be all things for all movie-goers; it has to choose, and as Matthew Goode said, it's essentially a 3-hr arthouse film. It takes comic book/superhero stereotypes to task, forcing us to think about what we enjoy about them. And maybe what we shouldn't.

In fact, Snyder was talking about Watchmen and 300, saying they are essentially big-budget cult films that'll recoup their investments and then some, but are not meant for the general viewing public.

Would you then downgrade your initial 7/10 to something that reflects "disappointed overall?" That seems generous for a movie you didn't like.


Buck:
I've downgraded initial viewing to 6/10. Like I said, maybe a solo repeat viewing will change my mind. CHUD reported today that Snyder wants to put his cut in theaters this summer, and I might pony up for a repeat trip to the theater to try it out. Someone at CHUD (I think it was Devin) actually said that it's a movie that will get better with repeat viewings, calling it a sort of new Blade Runner (misunderstood film that gets better the further it's removed from its initial release).

I didn't really press Mrs. Buck to go; it's more that she knew I wanted to see it and doesn' t like me to go to movies by myself (she thinks I look like a creepy loser when I do that). The main problem she had was that she wanted the skinny on who all these people were. She wanted to know how they ended up as costumed adventurers, etc. Sadly, with the exception of what was left out of Rorschach's story, there really wasn't any more origin material in the original comic. So it's not really a fault of the filmmakers, but it was her chief complaint.

I have a feeling I'll like it the more I watch it. I've actually caught myself re-visiting scenes I liked in my head. So it could be that my current distaste is a result of trying to view it as an outsider rather than a fan.

To go back to your questions:

1) I don't know what "threat" you'd have if you didn't set it during the Cold War. That being said, there should not have been that much Nixon. The man is seen as too much of a pop culture punchline/fodder for impressions, and while I had no problem with the actor's performance, there were giggles in the theater each time he came on-screen.

2) Yes, you could have left out Sally Jupiter altogether. Possibly the Mars material as well, though I'm not sure where you would have put Jon during his alone-time.

Lastly, a 20-something couple sat next to us...with their 3 1/2 - 4 year-old daughter and 8-9 year old son. And the mom and dad fell asleep during the movie. That's some damned good parenting there, folks. Does anyone even look at a movie's rating anymore? You know that the son probably saw commercials with people in costumes and figured it was just like Spider-Man or X-Men and the parents didn't even bother to find out what the movie was about. It's possible that my anger towards them and fear for how the children were processing what they were seeing helped to color my impression of the film.


Hooper:
Except for when jerks make noise in a movie, I don't pay attention to anyone else in the theatre. They can applaud at the end, or be shocked or laugh when appropriate. That's fine. Sort of a "live studio audience" for the movie. But I'd've seen that crew, commented to myself that the parents should be beaten (maybe even in Rorschach's voice!), and ignored them.

I think the "new Blade Runner" analogy is perfect, especially since there are multiple cuts extant: theatrical, director's sans Black Freighter, director's w/ Black Freighter. Who knows, there might be a scene of Manhattan returning to Ozy at the end on the cutting room floor or the "you tried to rape her!"/"Only once..." exchange, the death of Hollis Mason, etc. I don't know how much was cut.

Some say the threat should've been terrorists/radical Islam, that it should have been made now, with Bush in office as Nixon was; make it "topical" like V for Vendetta...because that helped that movie immensely (...ahem). It surprises me that people our age don't remember the USSR or at least the idea that their parents lived under the threat of nuclear war for much of their young lives. We're not that removed from two decades ago, are we?


Buck:
I wouldn't think so.

I do know that Hollis' death was filmed and cut. Don't know about any of the other material you mentioned.

Your opinion on performances? You've mentioned Haley and Morgan already, and they did turn in great work. What did you think of the rest? I thought Ackerman was all right, if nothing spectacular. And Wilson did a fine job, although I felt the "What do you expect? The Comedian is dead." line was delivered all wrong.

So what's your take on the cast?


Hooper:
As we've said, Morgan and Haley did stellar work, easily worth at least a few small critics' choice supporting nods (if not wins).

Malin Ackerman was flat and just "ok" as Silk Specter II. Another reviewer said he thought Karen Allen was the sort to have played here, were this the 1980s and she still young and fiery. But Ackerman...didn't really add anything. I think they needed an older actress in the part, not a young gal playing slightly older. But she is the weakest character in the original story.

Patrick Wilson, Nite Owl II, did a serviceable job, but didn't feel washed out; rather, creepy instead. Sometimes I felt like I was watching a mouth-breather basement dweller D&D fan socialize for the first time in years. This isn't the brilliant, has-been inventor. That being said, he delivered most of the lines accurately, but not always convincingly. Like with Ackerman, I would have preferred an older actor.

Ozymandias/Adrien Veidt is a tricky character to imagine. Should Matthew Goode have played him happier, more of the scholar-athlete/eccentric billionaire (Bruce Wayne outed, but happy about it because he found out his parents were really Nazis who deserved to die) or as the detached genius who tires of these greasy people with petty problems and no vision of true greatness, of the betterment of all humanity, of the Big Picture? I think it's obvious which one he chose. The former is the comic version, and what I wanted to see on screen, yet I found myself appreciating the latter take. It might be more "real" for the character to have no bubbly outer face, no mask. Hm. I'm torn. I think...okay, here we go. Give Ozy back his triumph at the end, the tears, the smile, the convo w/ Manhattan; have the hired shooter kill only the secretary and then get pulped; make it Rorschach who informs him of the mask killer and not Dan D: that would make Goodman's performance 100% palatable. The meat of his part on screen was sometimes reliant on scenes changed w/o good reason.

Crudup as Manhattan - the voice, the flashbacks, the look - it all made sense.


Buck:
Good points on Ozymandias. I kept asking myself, "Why Lee Iacocca gotta get whacked?"


Hooper:
Even unadjusted, it's amazing to see how big Watchmen's opening was in relation to other comic book movies, especially when you look at X-Men, Superman Returns and Batman Begins. Big names that didn't get this many raw dollars (though, adjusted, did sell more tickets) in their opening weekends - and they were PG-13 and well-known properties!

A guy at work came up to me, asked me how my weekend was. I said good, and that I saw Watchmen. Great, I hear it had a big weekend! he said. So...you think $55M+ is a good opening? I asked. Sure! Especially for unknown superheroes in March.


Buck:
I did say yesterday that $55M is a good March opening, especially for a genre picture.

While replaying the "a Comedian died in New York" line at the end was most likely put in there to make it crystal clear to the stupid viewer that that was Rorschach's journal in the basket, I did like hearing it again.


Hooper:
I think it underscored that Rorschach, for all his dark mania, was really the hero.


Hooper's Take: 8/10

Buck's Take: 6/10


The Den of Mystery gives Watchmen...7/10.

Read on, faithful few!

Hooper Reviews Heroes: Fugitives - Episode 5

Heroes Season 3
Volume Four: Fugitives


Episode Five: "Exposed"

What Happened:

Like last week, we focus on only a few of the heroes and leave the massive ensemble behind. Tight plotting here, folks. Forward movement. Let's get it on!

Claire's secret is discovered as Mrs. Bennett finds Alex in the closet. The explanation Claire uses, that they were having sex, doesn't hold water as Aqualad emphasizes he never touched and barely looked at the 17-yr-old cheerleader. That Claire lied and Alex has powers disappoints Mrs. Bennet, and she says that both Claire and HRG underestimate her strength, especially in times like these. She plots to evade the gov't agents in the van parked across from their house (they know Alex is there, even if Claire is off-limits). First hiding Alex in one of HRG's hidey-holes when the agents do a random search and then causing a diversion, Mrs. Bennett proves she's not just a brainwashing practice dummy. Her diversion (driving with Lyle to the movies) gives Claire and Alex enough time to sneak out the back, dodge the agents and hide in a swimming pool (of course they have to "kiss breathe" to keep Claire alive; they've been flirting pretty hard since Mrs. B "outed" him) until Alex can get to a train. They part fondly, and Claire returns home and starts to bond with her mom...until the Puppeteer shows up. Why? "Rebel" told him "Barbie" can help....

Meanwhile, in NYC, Parkman keeps painting the same image over and over (him wearing a bomb vest), wondering if it's tied to the floor painting he did of a nuclear bomb (or mushroom-cloud producing blast) leveling the "capitol" district of Washington, D.C. Peter tells him Rebel has sent a message over the computer telling them where Daphne is (D.C.) and to flee, as the Hunter has a idea where they are (Isaac Mendez' studio). They copy the address, trust Rebel and escape just before the Hunter's agents (plainclothes) arrive.

At Building 26, the Hunter sets Peter and Parkman as top priority for detainment, but also says they are armed & dangerous. So shoot to kill, if you have to. Nathan disagrees but the Hunter calls his bluff and exerts some ominous authority. HRG vocally agrees with his immediate agent superior, leaving Sen. Nathan Petrelli in the cold.

Now, too, at Building 26, Parkman and Peter worm their way in using double-barrel telepathy (Peter ditches flight for it; "I guess the rooftop escape is out," says Matt) and make it to a control room. Now seen by the Hunter on video monitors as just down the hall, Parkman and Peter mind-control two guards to draw their sidearms and by threat of force keep the Hunter from interfering. They discover Daphne isn't at this facility and Peter downloads a crap-load of data (including video of detainees being loaded onto planes) to use as leverage. Rebel pops a message up on the computer ("You have 30 seconds"), causes a blackout and the two heroes flee...right into HRG, the Hunter and their guards. Parkman holds everyone ("his" guards & the Hunter's group) until Peter has safely escaped.

When the Agents discover Rebel's message still on the computer screen, the good Senator calls on his mother, Angela, and asks if she is tipping them off. She knows a lot, after all. No, she says, why would she jeopardize the protection Nathan affords her? Besides, she can't work a computer. Peter then phones in while they're talking and says he'll deal - Parkman and Daphne for the wildly damaging data. If not, or if he's killed, the data will be leaked. Nathan says yes, and sets a place. The Hunter, upon hearing this, says he's operating on Presidential orders ("we do not negotiate with terrorists") and will either capture or kill Peter. Nathan reminds HRG that Peter can "hear [your] thoughts," implying that he should warn the guy.

At the meeting, HRG does just that, thinking loudly (as Peter calls out for Parkman and Daphne) that it's a trap. The Hunter, no veteran of telepaths, broadcasts his thoughts about sniping Peter and though his target hears, the Hunter does hit him high in the left shoulder, sending him falling off the parking garage roof...and right into Nathan's arms. Landing a good ways away, and meeting up with Angela, Nathan tries one last time to get Peter to turn himself over to Nathan's care. All Peter wants to know is why his big brother is doing this. It's out of control, I'm the only one who can, Nathan answers. Peter sadly mocks that it's because his brother loves him that he wants Peter under his eye, right? Sure, the Sen. says, but Peter knows better, takes a dose of "flight" and zips off. Angela warns Nathan that the game has changed and she has foreseen terrible happenings. And then, she whispers in his ear, leaving Nathan looking like he's been gut-punched.

Across the country, somewhere with mountains, Sylar and Luke Campbell drive on, and our favorite serial killer is getting a wee bit annoyed with Thrill-Kill Campbell. They stop at a boarded up roadside diner, Big Jim's. Sylar's been here before, he knows this place. Exploring inside, he has a flashback and discovers that he has been here before, when he was a young boy. And with his biological father, Samson Gray. But it is the worst memory he could dredge up, as it was then that Samson sold Sylar to his brother Martin. Sylar chases his father into the parking lot where he witnesses Samson arguing with his wife. It gets serious, and Samson waves his hand and blood streaks across the back window. He pushes Sylar's mom out of the car and speeds away. Li'l Sylar then sees what will be his calling card: a ragged slash across his mom's forehead, eerily reminiscent of her boy's amateur neurosurgery.

Coming back to the Now, Luke admits Samson is a world-class jerk and Sylar should give up the hunt. The can go off together, they don't need this- Ah, mistake, Luke. Sylar realizes the boy is doing this for the thrill of it all, the excitement of being "bad," and ditches him with a parting gift: his life. Now it's on to meet Samson Gray...alone.

On the TV, the US sees footage of American soldiers detaining - without Mirandizing or probable cause - dozens of US citizens. What is this secret gov't program? Is it legal? Peter has made good on his promise.

Back in DC, the Hunter fiddles with a drugged up Parkman as they drive in a black van to an undisclosed location. You'll be the face of their fear, says the Hunter. He gives Matt an injection and pushes poor Matt out of the back of the van into a large plaza...near Congress. On his chest? A bomb vest. It's the painting, come unfortunately to life.

To be continued next week in "Shades of Gray."


In Character Development:

No Hiro, Ando, Daphne, Suresh or Tracy. Thank God, for the last one. Two weeks without Tracy.

Peter...eases further into an adult role, taking telepathy for its tactical advantage, realizing you can't plan for the end-game (rooftop escape) if you can't reach the objective. Hurray! It's taken over fifty episodes, but he's thinking his actions through.

Nathan...is quickly losing control. I see sacrifice in his future. His own.

Matt Parkman...starts behaving less like a wounded, cornered animal. When Daphne is returned to him, odds are he'll begin acting like a cop again. In this episode, he controls at least four people at once, and though it's taxing, we see he's got a great will and is more powerful than previously thought.

HRG...is our man on the inside. Agreeing with the Hunter while protecting the sanctity of life (...sort of), he walks a thin line. Not really much here, but we know he's a good soul.

The Hunter...is not a good soul. He's like Linderman or Arthur Petrellie - the ends justify the means. Also, no prisoners and he plays for keeps. Since he is capable, and not some big brute or intimidating "power," his villainy is craftier, colder, sharper. I like him.

Angela...is certainly more involved than ever, and running at least one shadow operations (HRG as double agent).

Claire (w/ Mrs. Bennett and Alex)...thinks like an adult, like her Uncle Peter. By accepting her mother as more than a domestic damsel-in-distress/target-of-opportunity, she realizes that she can rely on other people to help her. A bit sappy, but necessary. This turn should've happened sooner. Alex is out of the picture, but he'll be back and gunning for Claire's pants. Mrs. Bennett shows a little bit of characterization. Fancy that!

Luke Campbell...shall be spoken of no more, until he microwaves himself back into our hearts. Not the abused, downtrodden boy we might've thought, he is a sociopath and a dangerous influence for Sylar. Left to his own accord, he'd see many more dead.

Sylar...finally has some answers. Next week, we see the Gray men come together, I hope.


Thoughts:

*Quick paced, better than many Season 2 episodes; the season begins to turn around.

*Claire is a better character after this episode, as is her mother. I think the writers figured out the petulant victim-child and brain-adled housewife weren't that appealing.

*I'm glad Luke is no longer a Lost Boy and is just lost and alone. He's bad news.


Looking Ahead:

*Samson Gray: about damn time.
*Does Nathan fly another nuclear-armed hero to a spectacular night-sky finish?
*Hiro or Ando...anyone?

Heroes: Fugitives
Episode One: "A Clear and Present Danger"
Episode Two: "Trust and Blood"
Episode Three: "Building 26"
Episode Four: "Cold Wars"

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!