Plot Summaries, Take 2

After enjoying the plot summaries I linked to earlier in the week (check it out if you haven't, and be sure to read the comments section, as many other readers chimed in with their own), Hooper and I were bitten by the creativity bug. So without further ado, here are our own plot summaries for various movies and TV shows. We hope you have as much fun reading them as we had writing them.

Hooper's are in RED, mine are in BLUE.

• 8MM: Private detective discovers a burgeoning niche market in home video distribution.
• Armageddon: Widower fails to protect daughter’s virginity, dies.
• Back to the Future: Deranged scientist steals nuclear material, pushes teenage boy to incest.
• Bad Boys: "Thug" culture corrupts urban police station.
• Bambi: Hunter misses second shot. (Alternate: Hunter fails to fill his quota for the season.)
• Big: Pre-teen with hormone imbalance seduced by corporate climber.
• Blade: Narcissist seeks to destroy all those like him.
• Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Teenage girl desecrates corpses, dates older men.
• Chicago: Murderers are set free, pursue employment in the entertainment industry.
• Deliverance: Weekend plans go awry.
• Dog Day Afternoon: Gay man acts up for media attention.
• Dracula: Recluse discovers new tastes abroad.
• Face/Off: Cosmetic surgery breakthrough discovered.
• Family Guy: Two local pedophiles go undetected in family-friendly neighborhood.
• Finding Nemo: Inattentive father loses physically handicapped son, mocks mentally-disabled woman.
• Forrest Gump: Retarded man has bad timing, inexplicably breeds.
• Frasier: Retired police officer suffers indignities of two closeted sons, ill-bred caregiver.
• Free Willy: Eco-terrorist ruins seaside attraction.
• Friday the 13th: Mother celebrates her late son's life.
• Friends: Woman abandons man at altar, shacks up with best friend's brother, has love child.
• Glory: Experimental military unit fails to achieve objective.
• Hot Fuzz: A fascist and his mentally-challenged friend work out their issues by assaulting senior citizens.
• House MD: High-end teaching hospital employs drug addict and self-absorbed residents who only treat one patient per week. (Alternate: Self-loathing drug addict saves lives.)
• How I Met Your Mother: Father shocks children with tales of promiscuity, brings into doubt his fidelity to their mother; "Aunt" Robin viewed in new light.
• Karate Kid: Put-out teenage boy enters physically abusive relationship with WWII vet.
• Kiss the Girls: Man expands unique collection, finds pen-pal.
• Lawrence of Arabia: Effeminate white man conquers Middle East.
• Mary Poppins: Nanny introduces psychedelics to upper-crust British children, violates child labor laws.
• Masters of the Universe: Foreign LARPers force couple to participate in their RPG; deformed midget discovers music.
• Men in Black: Government kills illegal alien, covers it up. (Alternate: Government agency's hiring program scrapes bottom of barrel.)
• Poltergeist: Parents abuse drugs while daughter is abducted.
• Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves: Returning vet has hard time fitting in, goes on crime spree with black man.
• Roseanne: Morbidly obese couple deal with economic hardship, disappointing children.
• Shaun of the Dead: British retail drone deals with spoiled meat.
• Signs: Faithless preacher ignores daughter during crisis.
• Sleepers: Murderers go free after sham trial.
• Smallville: Immigrant suspected in property destruction, mysterious deaths.
• South Park: Transgender teaches youth while town wallows in political corruption, spontaneous violence.
• Speed: Cripple endangers commuters.
• Spider-Man: Introverted teen gets radiation poisoning, begins professional wrestling career, kills wealthy industrialist.
• Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan: Retiree runs afoul of secret government think-tank.
• Star Wars: The Phantom Menace: Paramilitary religious cult takes boy from single mother, skilled mechanic's job.
• Star Wars: Attack of the Clones: Bi-polar teen endangers commuters, seduces older woman, attacks geriatric, propagates civil war.
• Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith: Assassination plot prevented; government enacts new reforms. Wife-beater promoted. (Alternate: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.)
• Steel Magnolias: Diabetic ignores doctor's advice, neglects newborn.
• The Big Lebowski: Differing philosophical viewpoints prove a distraction on League Night.
• The Blues Brothers: Fugitive brothers form band; antagonize police, socialists.
• The Bourne Identity: American tourist kills many, finds love during European janut.
• The Godfather: Domestic problems spill into the workplace.
• The Green Mile: Incarnation of Jesus Christ killed yet again after wrongful imprisonment. (Alternate: Dangerously large black man incites violence between prison official, inmate.)
• The Longest Day: Tourists take advantage of scenic beaches.
• The Negotiator: Many die in hostage situation.
• The Rock: Geriatric felon slaughters soldiers of fortune.
• The Shawshank Redemption: Convicted double-murderer escapes.
• The Simpsons: Mentally handicapped man starts family, gets union job.
• The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Tourists fail to anticipate special needs of local handicap.
• Tombstone: Lawman and his terminally-ill friend go on killing spree.
• Unbreakable: Paraplegic commits acts of terrorism, stalks family man with genetic disorder.

-Buck