The Colorado Option: John, Part 1

The Colorado Option: hard-boiled, low down, dirty stories of broken men, last-ditch efforts and guttered-out dreams. This is one of those stories...

John, Part 1 by Hooper McFinney

Note: Contains adult content.

***

Dreams stumbled away, and last night's revelry took their place. Last night....

It was the only thing that kept him going.

The rain battered the window and leaked in around the frame, puddling under the sill. An idle hand slapped him awake, and a voice screeched for money, where was her money. They were all the same, he thought for the hundredth time.

Eyes stuck shut with sleep and debauchery, he reached over and fumbled on the nightstand for his wallet. He pulled out a fifty. At least, he hoped it was a fifty. Didn't matter - his was an endless well of wadded up bills.

"Here, take it." At least, he meant to say that. "Huh, tuk ih" oozed out instead from between cracked, bleeding lips. Hell of a way to start a morning.

Father John found the handcuff key, undid himself and got ready for mass.

~To be continued~

Read on, faithful few!

The Colorado Option: Fool Me Once...

The Colorado Option: hard-boiled, low down, dirty stories of broken men, last-ditch efforts and guttered-out dreams. This is one of those stories...

Fool Me Once... by Buck Spidero

Warning: This depraved tale contains content intended for mature audiences.

***

I reclined in the driver’s seat of my ancient Impala. The neon sign across the street mocked me with its cheerfulness: Flagstaff Arms Apartments. It made me want to puke. I downed the last of the fifth of whiskey I’d picked up. It dulled the pain, but didn’t kill it. It still lurked inside; an itch I couldn’t scratch. Where was he?


Headlights cast a better light on the building as Rasdower’s Buick pulled into the lot. It definitely cracked my top five shittiest flophouses. I watched him walk to the front door from the street. After he was inside, I pulled into the parking lot and backed into a space a couple of doors down.

I wanted the car facing out in case I had to make a quick exit.

I took the elevator up to Rasdower’s floor. Should have taken the stairs, you broken-down, out-of-shape old man. I found his door and gave it a once-over. Not nearly as sturdy as something in a newer building, though newer buildings tend to not smell like piss. I briefly considered knocking before deciding to just kick it in. It didn’t put up much of a fight. One good kick and it flew open. I gave the room a quick look.

Empty.

Then, from the bathroom, a muffled “What the hell?”

I smiled as I headed for the hallway. Rasdower came out still pulling his pants up, and I slammed him against the doorframe, my forearm pressing against his throat.

“Spidero!” He sputtered, gasping for air. “What the fuck is this?”

I loosened my arm a bit. “Sorry, Rasdower. Couldn’t sleep. Thought I’d stop by for a chat.”

He took a swing at my head. I saw it coming but still caught part of it. Before he could take another I kneed him in the groin, followed by a punch to his kidney. He started to go down, and I turned him around, bending him over the sink. He kept struggling until I put my .38 special to the back of his head.

“I know what you did to Mary, Rasdower. Mary. That angel. Why did she have to suffer like that? We all know.”

“What’s it to you?”

I pressed the gun harder. Just get it over with. “Explain why I shouldn’t just kill you right now.”

“Fuck you!”

I cocked the hammer back. Shoot him! “Wrong answer.”

“You won’t do it. You don’t have the balls. Cops’ll be all over you.”

“They can try. I don’t exist in half the states in this country.”

“You won’t do it.”

I kicked his feet out from under him. His chin cracked on the cheap porcelain and he went down in a heap. I put the gun to his head again. “Let’s try this one more time. Were you going to cut and run once you screwed me over? Were you going to try what you tried in St. Louis?”

He coughed and spat out a tooth. “It’s not like that. Besides, you need me. You know what I can do, and you don’t have the time to find someone else.”

The problem was, the bastard was right. “You try to run, and you won’t make it fifty feet.” I slammed the gun into the side of his head, knocking him out.

I stood up and walked out of the apartment. The hallway was quiet; it didn’t seem like anyone was reacting to the scuffle. I took the stairs down, slowly, trying to calm my shattered nerves. Why do you do these things? Why do you hurt people like this? I made it outside before I started dry-heaving. Took a few deep breaths of the Arizona air and took out my phone. I dialed McFinney.

“Yeah?”

“Hoop, it’s Buck. Rasdower’s going to play ball”

"Glad to hear it. See you at the rendezvous.”

I hung up and headed for my car. Rasdower said he wouldn’t try anything, and after what I’d just put him through, I doubted he would. He'd come through. We wouldn't end up like Mary, who got a pager and her name on a clipboard. We weren't going to go out like that. The next time we dined at the Flagstaff Bar & Grille, we wouldn’t have to wait for a table.

Read on, faithful few!

The Colorado Option: The Black-Eyed Demon

The Colorado Option: hard-boiled, low down, dirty stories of broken men, last-ditch efforts and guttered-out dreams. This is one of those stories...

The Black-Eyed Demon by Hooper McFinney

***

My beeper chirps through my hangover, and I know the day is ruined. It's an emergency notification: the monkey got out of the cage. God dammit. Why can't they tell you anything straightforward?

I slap a razor across my face to look respectable for the staff. You can hide a stench with some cologne and your broken shell of a body with a tweed coat, but the eyes. My eyes. Twin drill bits of grey-blue loss, boring into your soul.

You can't cover the mire at the heart of you with a pair of Ray-Bans.

Cinching up my tie, I hear the phone ring, a jarring bray that repeats and repeats until I give in and grumble something short of a curse.

"4987 Palm Sway Drive. SOC's already there." It's the familiar voice, the same one I've been slugging back booze with since before the days when I needed drink to make it through. To breathe.

"Who's on point?"

A laugh, like a coughing dog. "Who else? Rasdower."

I hang up the phone and hurricane out to the car, holstering the gun I ache to fire one last time, a single shot to find vengeance. It's for another day, one long coming and longer off. It's hard to kill a dead man twice.

But someday...I'm gonna try.

***

Blasting through the reds, I make it to the building, ground zero of this cockeyed venture.

"Ted, c'mere." Slamming my car door, I wave that walking slur, old Ted "Buckshot" Spidero, from the front door. He's got his uniform on, as crisp as a used condom. I smell gin. "What's it look like?"

"****ing staff are near gone-" he stumbles over the curb and recovers with a drunkard's grace. "Rasdower's waiting." He lurches, maybe throwing up a little in his mouth. Bringing up what, last night's liquid dinner? His pride?

His soul?

"Hell of a tie, McFinney," he sneers.

Spidero. He'll never get it.

We push through the slack-faced gapers and into the building. The walls - even here - are a mess, stains drying to that dull brown I know so well.

I'd seen a mess like this before. Zaire, back in '42. Ugly mother. Never thought I'd face the black-eyed demon again, not on my shores. Not on my watch. We built a cage, a four-by-four box of iron pride and bars of hubris. What wretched people we were. Not to suspect- but no. Regret is for those who have time.

And there's no time in Hell.

Hulking over some pointy-nosed pencil pusher is Rasdower. If a side of beef mounted a cement mixer, you might get Rasdower. Then again, you could end up with my second wife.

"You in charge?" I pull out a 100 and light it up. Pointy-nose scowls.

"Yes, I'm Mr. McGann and would you please extinguish that filth?" I chuckle as I stub the cigarette out in the muck underfoot. McGann grunts like a put-out tabby. "We don't know if he's still here, but we need to make this all go away before it gets out."

Creaking lower to the floor on knees that struggle with a handicap ramp, I examine the horror left behind by our target. The familiar whirls, the splatter's trajectory, the footprints...memories of Zaire come rushing back. I don't want to believe it. I saw him go down. Put him in that inhuman casket with my own two hands and we - all of us - brought it here. And for what? Our amusement. Nothing could come back from that.

"It's Johnny again, isn't it." Spidero's breathing heavier, checking his kit, making double-sure no surprise goes unanswered.

I push McGann behind me. Something - a scream? - echoes in the vents. "Get outside. Seal this place down." I hand him my jacket; where we're going, it can only get messy.

McGann hesitates.

"Man, are you dumb? Go!" He turns and squeaks his way to the door, slipping just once. With him out, I light another cigarette. Pull hard on the tar and tobacco and chemical trash. Get a little of that fire in me. I cough and blink back tears.

'Buckshot' hikes up his drooping, soiled pants. "Can't believe it. No ****ing way he's still kickin'. ****. Double ****." Spidero reaches into a pocket and pulls out a gun, checking the cartridges. Rasdower and I do the same, and we move on to face down the thunder.

Damn you, Johnny Two-Hawks. This ends today.

***

Two hours later and we're hip-deep in funk. The futility gets to Rasdower first. He kicks an empty can of paint across the utility room floor.

"He's not here, McFinney!" Over the rhythmic whump whump whump of the machinery, I can barely hear Rasdower's voice. "This mess - this damn crusade of yours - none of it's worth it. This is my last time cleaning up with you two. I'm going upstairs and getting out of here. You lunatics can handle-" He stops, cocking his head.

Spidero's face goes ashen and he raises a finger so grimy, so fouled that it looks like a well-chomped on cigar. "Over...**** ****-**** in my ****ing ***...over there."

I look to where he's pointing, a far shadowed corner of the room. The furnace. Tons of outdated iron works and tubing L.A.-hot to the touch. And beneath a low return, its vent clawed open, is Johnny.

Two pistols whip up quicker than a schoolboy at a strip club and we shoot our loads right at those soulless, animal eyes. The steel-jacketed rounds go high, our quarry ducking and scampering behind the bulk of the fiery heater.

Peaking around, he spots us and I can see his hand come up. He fires. Crying out, Rasdower goes down.

"Ted, dammit, circle round - cut him off. I'll try to help..." But my voice trails off as I see Rasdower rolling on the ground, moaning and clutching his face. It's his last time with us after all. Broken and beaten. No way for this man to go down, even if he lost the Roosevelt contract.

Faintly, I hear Ted yelling out a chain of profanity that winds to the ceiling and beyond, a tirade fit for Bacchus at his lowest. It ends with a crash and a thump.

Gripping my gun tighter, I realize it won't be enough. Not against Johnny. It took ten of us to corral him in Zaire. Ten men, two gone now. One never recovered. Boors, his name was Boors, and he has a daughter. Cute little chip of his wife. Well girlie, daddy ain't hugging you no more, not after Two-Hawks. And thinking of that drop of sunshine turned to rain I can't contain my rage. Hefting Rasdower's gun, I make sure one's in the chamber and make my move.

Shouting like the beasts of the jungle, a language Johnny can understand, I charge for the furnace, dodging another onslaught, passing Spidero's prone form on the ground, a broken crate lying around his head and a weighted net in his hand

"Johnny! Johnnyyyyy!!!" I dive forward, rolling under that open return vent and there he is. Staring at me. He smiles wide and slaps me hard across the face, drawing blood.

"This is for Mary, you son of a bitch!" I let loose with both barrels, each shot finding its way into Johnny's chest.

For a minute, seeing him stumble around, I almost feel sad. He knocks the tranquilizer darts off his chest, but the damage is done. He slumps to a knee, those powerful, hairy arms keeping him upright. One last time he pierces me with those eyes.

"Oo Oo Oo," he croaks. And then he's down, unconscious.

As I drag him back to the stairs I toe Spidero in the gut.

"We got him, Ted." There are tears streaming down my face. "We got that damn dirty little ape."

Rasdower's sitting up as I pass him, wiping feces off his face. And seeing Johnny Two-Hawks...he claps. The son of a bitch claps.

I've never been prouder to be a janitor for the Scholastic Organization of Cleaners than I am now. It was tough enough bagging this zoo escapee in Zaire, Florida, a few years back. I thought I'd killed the joy in him, saw that spark of enthusiasm die in his eyes as I stabbed the tranq dart into his neck and stuffed him in his cage.

I can see it will never be over, though, not for the two of us. The dance will continue, maybe not at this elementary school where he lives as mascot. Maybe it'll be out there in the neighborhoods of West Palm Beach or Jupiter or Orlando.

I am order to his chaos. Our fates our intertwined. But that's all for another day.

Now, I've got some monkey shit to clean up.


~Fin~



But wait - there's more! McFinney, Spidero, Rasdower and the rest will return in...The Colorado Option: Fresno Promises!

Read on, faithful few!

The Hooplah: Cover to Cover (A Literary 2008 Year in Review)

(We really just love using the phrase "Year in Review" in our posts. Expect 2009 Year in Review Previews to begin any day now!)

"The average American spends three minutes a day reading a book." -Dick Meyer, Why We Hate Us

I took in this sentence while racing against the clock, trying to complete a goal I've been after for a few years now: reading 52 books, cover to cover, in one year. Were Meyer's statistic to mean something to me, it'd be that I need to get out more.

As it stands, I defy the average with my love of reading. I'll tell you right now, I didn't finish Why We Hate Us in time, and can only say I finished 52 books during 2008, though the very first was started in late 2007.

And truthfully, two books were finished that I had started...oh...at least four years ago, if not more, but I didn't cross that 50% threshold, meaning I finished the majority in 2008, so I'd have cheated a little in counting them toward my goal.

But enough about what I didn't do, what I might've read or how sneakily I almost crossed the finish line. I still read thousands of pages and dozens of books, absorbing the full gamut of fiction's genre offerings and battling against the perception that non-fiction is for dry, old professors and grad students.

So read on, as we've been asking you to do since late 2007, and see what treasures (and trash) last year brought.

***

Figuring out what one read over the last year (or six months or week) can be difficult for some. As a highly organized reader (perhaps to make up for other organizational lackings), I track each book read on the bookmarks used. On the back of each bookmark, handmade from whatever random paper I have around (newspaper clipping, movie ticket, old baseball card, fridge post-it in the shape of a dog, etc.; if you want them, I'll make you some; if your friends want them, I promise a low price...), I jot down the title of the book I just finished, ten to a bookmark, with the ink used color-coded to the sort of book. Black ink = fiction; no grand literary value. Blue ink = fiction of literary value or non-fiction. Maybe 2009 will see a new color! (I'm a dork.)

I now have a handy record going back nearly six years. Can you remember what you read in the summer of 2005? Give me a few minutes and I can tell you, possibly to the week.

So in organizing this review, I've laid out the bookmarks affected and am overall happy with the material consumed. This list doesn't include comic book trades/collections or graphic novels; while many could be considered books (density, story structure, themes, pure length), I've got enough to review without bringing them into the mix.

Beginning with the last book started in 2007 (finished in 2008), here they are:

0. The Unburied by Charlies Palliser - I'll be brief, since this was technically an '07 book. An intriguing mystery set in the 19th century amid the scholarly world of a cathedral & its school, I'd recommend this to those who enjoy historical fiction and history in general. Much is to be said about the way it delves into our research in and impressions about the past.

1. Wicked by Gregory Maguire - I saw the musical version of the book on New Year's Eve 2007, with Mandy, Buck and his wife. This spurred both of us husbands to read the book our wives heartily enjoyed. For my part, I found it an excellent political satire, mixed with the "unknown" backstory of the witches of Oz. Just as good as everyone says, full of characters as realized as any "literary" fiction, it's turned into the first of a series (Son of a Witch; A Lion Among Men) that promises more hours of enjoyment. If you've seen the musical, you don't know half the story.

2. Congressional Anecdotes by Paul F. Bollers, Jr. - part of a series of anecdotal volumes dedicated to the US government, Congressional Anecdotes culls from over two hundred years of US political history, from the very first Congress to sometime in the early 90s, when this was published. An updated volume is sorely needed. These are stories, bits of gossip, confirmed rumor and, of coruse, anecdotes that've survived through the years because, in large part, you get a better idea of the character of the people we choose to lead us by their foibles, slip-ups, outrages and humor than any major speeches. You don't have to be a political junkie to enjoy these often-hilarious, always enlightening stories about those folks on the Hill.

3. True Grit by Charles Portis - seen the movie? Old John Wayne as the one-eyed Rooster Cogburn is a face seared into our collective memory, but the characters in this book come alive just as clearly as the best film. It's all about the narrator, a 14-yr-old girl, getting justice for the murder of her father; accompanying her is gruff US Marshall Rooster Cogburn. A western (and American) classic, take time to read this short novel that is best summed up by its title.

4. Soon I Will Be Invincible by Austin Grossman - Also read by Buck (after my praise), Grossman's first novel is one of the best first novels I've read, and it's not the only one on this list. Switching between two narrators, the perennial-jailbird supervillain and the new, untested heroine, SIWBI manages to not just offer a tongue-in-cheek look at traditional comic book tropes, but also a crackling good story. The stories are simple: Dr. Impossible, supervillain, desires to conquer the world and, after breaking out of prison, sets to it; Fatale, new part-human/part-robot heroine, is asked to join the preeminent hero team and there her adventure (in part of self-discovery) begins. A humorous adventure yarn, I cannot recommend it enough. Very sharp writing.

5. Duma Key by Stephen King - the most recent novel by the most popular American novelist, this is a return to form for King, a horror story. Edgar loses an arm, gets divorced and moves to the Florida island Duma Key where, much to his surprise, he discovers he can paint. It might not sound riveting, but trust me when I say it is. King explores "phantom pain/sensation" to startling effect, providing first a ghost story (with a tinge of HP Lovecraft) that moves quickly to supernatural horror. Potentially the best horror novel King has written in years.

6. Heart-Shaped Box by Joe Hill - the author's full name is Joe Hillstrom King, and yes, he is the son of #5's author. But we don't need to know that to enjoy this first novel, also a ghost story. As far as hauntings go, Hill knows the basics, how to get the chills going up your spine. If you have the cash, get this in paperback; if not, certainly a library read. The protagonist (aging rock star) is not always sympathetic (in fact isn't, for much of the book), but that doesn't matter when bad things are happening to him. A quick read for Halloween time.

7. Elantris by Brandon Sanderson - the best fantasy read in 2008 was not part of a sprawling epic or a revered classic. This first novel by Sanderson, the best first novel on the list, is a done-in-one fantasy that I tosses the familiar archetypes and stories right out the window. No Dark Lord to conquer, no elves, no wizened sorcerer leading a young farmer - this is the story of a prince who's been cursed (left for dead, but he refuses to say die); his betrothed (made a widow before she even met her prospective husband) left to fend for herself amid a scheming court; and a priest sent to convert the prince's country to the true faith, else it be put to the sword by his overlords. Sanderson was chosen to complete the late Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time epic (Jordan died writing the final, 12th, volume), and I picked up Elantris to see what the young gun was all about. Far from disappointed, I now purchase his novels in hardcover when the come out. In this economy. Without discount. That's the dedication I have to this amazing talent. If you were ever curious about fantasy as a genre, but were turned off by 1,000 page tomes or mammoth series, fear not: you can buy Elantris.

8. The Children's Blizzard by David Laskin - as a child of the Midwest, I love a good tale of inclement weather. Laskin here recounts the January 12, 1988, storm that killed over 500 souls, many of them schoolchildren trapped in single-room schools or trying to run home through the whiteout conditions and freezing temperatures. It is a tragic story, so don't expect a bunch of smiling faces, but some lived. And it's to remember the survivors and the dead that Laskin penned this well-researched account.

9. Mistborn I: The Final Empire by Brandon Sanderson - the other book I picked up by Sanderson, The Final Empire is the first in a trilogy (just completed) that poses the question "What if the Dark Lord won?" Few fantasies have dealt with this concept as well as Sanderson, and the world he builds (along with a unique, metal-based magic system) is wholly realized and sound. I devoured this book in days. You can see how Sanderson improved his craft between this and Elantris, with tighter action and steadier pacing. Not to diminish his first work; both are the works of a great writer.

10. The Little Ice Age by Brian M. Fagan - Is Al Gore right? Are we in a global warming trend, or are we coming out of a little ice age that began some seven hundred years ago? Fagan's scholarly work is certainly for history buffs, and those interested in the environmental debate. It focuses far more on cultural impact, and there could've been a touch more on the eco-side of things, but the overall book works. A little dry at times.

11. Star Wars: Legacy of the Force II - Bloodlines by Karen Traviss -Star Wars holds a special place in my heart. I've read dozens of EU ("Expanded Universe" - stories beyond the movies) books and comics; they are what got me to read so many years ago. The "Legacy of the Force" series picks up over thirty years after the original movie, with original characters aging and the focus moving to their children. This series' main goal is to reintroduce the Sith as opposing agents to the Jedi, and to shake up the galactic order (hasn't that happened enough?). I read Betrayal, the first volume, in summer 2007. Good, not great; intriguing. I waited until I could read a larger chunk of the series (as evidenced below) and have mixed feelings. All of Karen Traviss' contributions were excellent explorations of secondary characters, the military and aspects not often touched on in the main Skywalker/Solo stories (like, families that fail). I can recommend her efforts, but not Denning's (Allston is always good for a yarn). Troy Denning's installments ruined the series for me. Most of you probably won't start a nine-book Star Wars series. The few who will should use the library or used book stores. It isn't worth full price. The promising elements (Han & Leia's son falling to the Dark Side, but for "teh greater good;" Boba Fett facing death and family; the Jedi order balancing ethics vs. governmental responsibility with Luke right in the middle) were never realized. Better I go through this than you.

12. SW: LotF III - Tempest by Troy Denning - shame on you Troy Denning! A competent author, I just don't think the man works in the Star Wars universe. His stories feel written for middle-aged women, specifically those gunning for Harlequin romances. He also plays over favorites with characters, not terrible in itself, but awful when you force everyone else to act out of character to justify your favorites' actions. Not good. Poor writing!

13. SW: LotF IV - Exile by Aaron Allston - he's a work horse, that Aaron Allston. He turns in competent writing with each of his installments in the series, burdened as he is by Denning's characters (Traviss ignores them). For good Allston Star Wars EU, check out the Wraith Squadron series.

14. Ghosts of the Fireground by Peter M. Leschak - it's dry like kindling, but unfortunately it rarely catches fire (horrible metaphor!). If you can get past the first 50 pages and into the actual firefighting (and the counterpoint story of the Great Peshtigo Fire, the best part of the whole book), it'll hold your attention. But this is a magazine article about Peshtigo ballooned into a self-important memoir.

15. SW: LotF V - Sacrifice by Karen Traviss - as always, great work, Karen.

16. No Heroes by Chris Offutt - this book has a stuffed possum on the cover. Buy it for that, stay for the Appalachian portrait of life at the turn of the 20th Century. Offutt's memoir is endearing and informative of his past, though suffers from a poor ending. But, until the last few pages (where's my epilogue?!), it's a keeper. His prose is clear and original in describing his early life in these hollows and on the ridges and coming "home" again to teach at Morehead State University, trying to "fit in" with a crowd he hadn't been a part of for 20 years. Running parallel is the story of his in-laws, telling their Holocaust survival story; the title is most significant with their tragic recollections. If you ever worked the Appalachian Service Project (you know who you are), it might be very informative about the people you're helping.

17. SW: LotF VI - Inferno by Troy Denning - boo!

18. The Hunt for Red October by Tom Clancy - I started this and got bored about twelve years ago. How young I was. Most of you know the story, about a renegade Russian defecting with his experimental sub (and officers). The book is known for introducing Clancy hero Jack Ryan, who has been the lead character almost without fail in all of Clancy's subsequent techno-military thrillers. It's also a first book! Another! While the jargon can get you, and the technical exposition is unnecessary at times, it's a lot tighter than it has any right to be. Rent the movie, enjoy it's brisk pace and suspense. Then read the book, and discover a master fiction writer developing his craft. (This is the first of a series of books I read this year that I had previously started and set aside. For this one, I began from page one again.)

19. SW: LotF VII - Fury by Aaron Allston - sort of yay.

20. The Size of Thoughts: Essays and Other Lumber by Nicholson Baker - okay, who here reads essays for fun? Anyone? Nicholson Baker is an essayist at heart, a humorist second and a fiction writer third. This collection covers the first two, including the massive exploration of the world "Lumber" and all its historical contexts (such as, lumber meaning the thoughts collecting dust in our head). This section is a researcher's dream, as he's scoured hundreds of sources to discover one word's curious past. The preceding essays, including one memorable work on the dying card-catalog system, are in the least quirky & well-written, if not also intellectual and humorous. A note: he's like Seinfeld, in that he chooses small things to write about, minutiae, and this can seem a waste of paper to some. I wouldn't give up the time I spent reading about movie projectors here for the world. Some great stuff. I started this one about four or so years ago, got a hundred pages in and stopped (that's about a third); finishing it felt good.

21. The Good Brother by Chris Offutt - this was originally a school read, and introduced me to Chris Offutt. I haven't always been a diligent student, and stopped after a few chapters, as I didn't need to finish it for a good grade. I went back and started over, happy that I did. Virgil's brother Boyd is murdered in rural Kentucky as part of a larger (but ultimately meaningless) kin feud; it cannot stand, but Virgil isn't the violent type. His choices (and eventual flight to Montana) spur a dynamic story that rightly won praise. However, the ending almost comes from left field, and may be a bit intense for the preceding 250+ pages, but this portrait of a man driven to murder to avenge his brother, and the ramifications that send him a thousand miles from home, has stuck with me. There's no doubt I'll check out Offutt's work again.

22. Shadow by Bob Woodward - started while Clinton was still in Office, this book looks at how all Presidents have lived in the shadow of Watergate, with everyone on the lookout for a scandal or smear. How this impacted each of the five subsequent Presidents depends on the man and the problem(s). Although it needs an update either through Clinton's full second term (nothing about his pardons) or into GW Bush's tenure, as it stands, it's a very evenhanded look at a political office fraught with stress, animosity and little relief. I can recommend it, for the political-minded among you (all you Political Hoedown readers), but it may be a little dry for the average Joe. Still, Clinton's chapters read like a mix between soap opera, farce and legal drama.

23. Winesburg, Ohio by Sherwood Anderson - technically not a novel, but a collection of short stories that tells a larger tale, it's held in some regard by literary historians. I found it more/less engaging, but it is dated in its writing style. But thinking back, I do want to recommend it, and I shall. It might not be extremely adventurous, but the themes of loneliness and despair - the desire of these small-town Ohioans to escape both - rise above the period and hold a timeless quality. It's American at a changing time, early 20th Century, the age of progress, innovation and upheaval still ahead. But these folks can't cope. All tell their stories to a young man who dreams of leaving, to become Something Different in a bigger world.

24. Fitzpatrick's War by Theodore Judson - best science fiction novel of the year; this one is amazing. I don't know if it's the style of writing, the characters or the setting (a few hundred years hence, with the world order completely turned on its head after mass riots, genocide, WMD-type attack, the elimination of the capacity to produce electricity, the return of steam power, and world war threatened at every turn); everything clicked for me. The novel's conceit is that it's a reprinting of the annotated autobiography of a controversial (and in academic circles, despised) former military and political leader, the right hand of the revered (and late) king/emperor/dictator, Fitzpatrick. Through his eyes, we see the young Fitzpatrick move from military academy and frivolity to take his hereditary place as head of the Yukon Confederacy, the world power at this point. From there, mass war (for the betterment of all) is waged, the tragedies that came before are revisited and we understand why the truths in this "autobiography" have been censored for so long. Much is taken from real history (Fitzpatrick is modeled after Alexander the Great; his military campaigns mirror Alexander's to a degree), altered to fit the story. In that, it underscores what we've always known: history repeats itself. At times grim and tragic, I was never disappointed by the narrative drive or the emotional core of this achievement.

25. Stick To Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain by Scott Adams - it's a (near) daily blog by Dilbert-writer/artist Scott Adams, reprinted in book form. So, that makes it by default funny, easy to read (with one or two page entries, the time commitment is loooow) and full of snark. You may not agree with every socio-cultural stance he takes, but I can assure you there'll be a few belly laughs to be had.

26. The Brief History of the Dead by Kevin Brockmeier - a great romance, wonderful speculative fiction, very introspective. I don't want to say much, but it deals with a plague, a city of the dead and (potentially) the last woman alive on earth, trekking across the Antarctic to find someone - anyone. The two narratives working off each other form a great dissertation on enduring memory. Now in paperback, and widely available due to great reviews, there is no excuse not to read this.

27. A Year at the Movies by Kevin Murphy - his task was to watch a movie a day for a full calendar year, not always as easy as it sounds. Kevin Murphy is best known as a writer and actor on Mystery Science Theater 3000 (he was Tom Servo) and this book is nothing else but a continued love note to the movies. He can be very pretentious at times, snobby even about what he considers to be "good cinema," but art is subjective. So on balance, good. I'd have liked more reviews of the movies he sees instead of asides or stories about how he saw them (which aren't always interesting). Why does he think this is great and that is trash?

28. The Crimson Petal and the White by Michael Faber - set in Victorian-era England, and featuring a cast as varied as it gets, this sprawling epic follows the life of the highly intelligent Sugar, a sought-after prostitute, and her rise from the gutter to high society. She takes up with the flaky, aimless William Rackham, a perfume baron whose own wife is full of infirmities both mental and physical (and mainly due to her isolated upbringing in prim Victorian Society) and sees her life change, not always for the best. Raucous, raunchy, insightful and a biting social satire, it "dares to go where...the works of Charles Dickens would not," to quote Amazon.com's review. While Dickens looked at the lower strata of society, you get the grittiest detail with Faber (and a caveat to gentle readers, we're dealing with hookers; it can get graphic). Dickens poked at the elite, but Faber stabs holes through them. It's also about 900+ pages long, so be prepared. What time you give it, it gives back in highly crafted story and exemplary writing.

29. The Brethren by John Grisham - another good legal thriller (featuring three crooked judges in jail, plotting a way to get out or get even) from a respected author. Widely considered one of his better books, and I won't disagree. A beach read for me.

30. The Black Echo by Michael Connelly - his first novel, and therefore the first appearance of his famous detective Harry Bosch, The Black Echo is a well-constructed murder mystery that balloons, as these things will, into a far larger plot. As it turns out, the murder victim is known to the wild card Det. Bosch, in fact was a former Vietnam tunnel rat who deserves more than he got. During the investigation, Bosch tries to unravel who would want to kill the man - making it look like an overdose - and what they could be after. The writing is fresh and eager; you can tell this is a "young" fiction writer (though Connelly was not exactly a kid when he wrote this) aiming to please and avoid sameness. Followed by...gosh, a dozen more books, roughly.

31. Hawke by Ted Bell - do you like action? Gun fights and lithe beauties? Secret agents and dastardly plots? This is an action super-secret agent movie in book form. A little trite at times, and the characters are hardly three-dimensional, but that's not the sort of book this is. It's light, entertaining fluff. Three sequels follow.

32. Killing Floor by Lee Child - Child's first Jack Reacher novel (and first novel); I read this on Buck's recommendation and there was no looking back! It's a 1st person narration, looking at a murder that leads to more sinister (and clever) scheme. Wrongly arrested Reacher, fresh from a career as a military policeman, has to navigate the "good old boys" small town south while trying to prove absolutely his innocence and find the killer, all without getting killed or sleeping alone...if you catch my drift. It's a bit hard-boiled, sometimes over-serious, but I have two more Reacher installments on my shelf to be read this year. A solid start.

33. The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova - so...Dracula's real? And still alive?! That's the conceit, hinted at, of this astounding literary horror event. A woman tells of her and her father's exploits trying to follow the real-life trail of Vlad the Impaler, thought to be Dracula the immortal vampire. Far-fetched? In Kostova's hands, we get a thoroughly researched novel that crosses thousands of miles in eastern Europe, England, Spain and Turkey, all painstakingly described. In fact, the settings are as much characters as not. You can read it for the surface Search, or delve deeper into the notions of continuing violence and war, how we try to stop it and yet never seem to; or maybe you find an appreciation of history itself, the delicate string that adds depth and qualification to our modern lives. Whatever you choose to look for, still read the book (which is yet another first novel).

34. I Am Legend by Richard Matheson - any edition of this short novel comes with a few short stories, FYI. The title tale, of an average man surviving a vampire apocalypse until he (supposedly) becomes that last man living, is quiet and terrifying. If you saw the movie, you missed the subtlety and crippling frustration that grips the main character; against the latter he fights every day. This is a survivor's story as much as about "vampires." And the ending, nothing like the movie, is truly chilling. The back-up short stories range from top-notch to forgettable. Matheson is prolific, especially with shorter work, so you're going to get some chaff with the wheat.

35. Rock On: An Office Power Ballad by Dan Kennedy - Kennedy is a humorist with the best of them. His self-deprecating musings carry all the snark and eye-rolling we've come to expect from the Not Exactly Greatest Generation, Gen X. In his second "memoir" (and I use that term loosely), he recounts his days at a fading record label working the Dream: he actually gets to meet the rockers, be a part of the music process, interact with the raw creativity...from behind his desk and at marketing meetings, and through the veil of management and product placement. Oh, and by "fading," I mean the label is about two steps from a buy-out or bankruptcy. So he picked the wrong time to join up. Bust a gut laughing as I did and get this slim volume.

36. America Alone: The End of the World as We Know It by Mark Steyn - while more serious in subject than Rock On, Steyn writes with no less humor. Addressing the spread of "Islamofacism" and Islam as a faith - and all the cultural, political and demographic shifts that entails - he posits that "Western Society" has turned the corner to extinction, or minority-status within its own countries. Only America, strangely immune to the siren song of the iman, hasn't shown a trend to Islamification. Now, whether you agree or not on the merit of this (demographically, the shift in Europe is real, with most countries' native populations not procreating at replacement levels, while Islamic immigrants are virtual baby factories), the book is very intriguing. It'll make you think and bring you smack dab in the middle of this ongoing and vital conversation.

37. City of Tiny Lights by Patrick Neate - it's a murder mystery told by a Pakistani ex-mujihadeen slacker detective set in London. It's funny, original and I'd even go so far as to say bold, in that it tackles Islamic extremism not from a political point-of-view, but from the street-level. And really, that's a side note to the overall story, the half-comedic struggle of the detective to Make Something of Himself for his Dad. To read the book, it helps to have a passing familiarity to British slang.

38. SW: LotF VIII - Revelation by Karen Traviss - my only regret when reading this was that I had to follow it up with a Denning book to finish the story. Other than that, Traviss has become a favorite author of mine.

39. SW: LotF IX - Invincible by Troy Denning - I have posted a review of this book. Read it, to be entertained. To summarize: it sucks hard, long and without shame. This is bad writing at its finest (worst?).

40. Devils on the Deep Blue Sea by Kristoffer A. Garrin - Raise your hand if you've 1) been on a cruise, 2) thought about going on a cruise or 3) watched "The Love Boat." Lots of hands! This book is for you, and everyone else. It's a rollicking history of the cruise boat industry (what we have now, post-WWII, not Titanic-era), spiritedly mixing fact and anecdote, personal history and boardroom battles and including all the warts, lawsuits and infractions along with the successes. Rarely gets dry (docked...ba-dum ching!) or muddled in the epic cast of real-life characters. And yes, if you are a fit, attractive (and legal) gal, your activities director wants to sleep with you.

41. Farewell, Summer by Ray Bradbury - this is a companion novel to Dandelion Wine and was originally the second half of that book. Where as the former deals with summer without end and the citizens of a small Illinois farm town north of Chicago (circa 1910), this volume brings the characters to autum and fall, with school approaching and, for the children, maturity. I'd read both books together for full affect; they really are parts 1 & 2 of a story, not separate books. Individually, adults (especially those moving through and past middle age), will get more out of this than kids.

42. 1912 by James Chace - this final book by the late Chace makes me want to hunt down everything else he's written. Following President William Howard Taft (R; lazily running for reelection), Woodrow Wilson (D; determined to snag victory), Teddy Roosevelt (Progressive/Bull Moose; bounding for the victory line with all the machismo he can muster) and Eugene Debs (Socialist; illuminating a fairer, less revolutionary view than his socialist successors), 1912 gives us the year-and-change campaign that changed American politics. First, it broke the stranglehold on the White House Republicans had enjoyed for most of the previous fifty years. Second, it is a stunning reminder that third parties can work, when backed by ideas and personality. Finally, it started the true liberal/conservative deathmatch that's been going on every since. Anyone with even the slightest interest in politics will find this tome priceless. You can also see that current President-Elect Obama borrows more from Republican/Progressive history from this time than Democratic.

43. The FairTax Book by Neal Boortz & John Linder - no one likes taxes, right? These guys don't. Linder's a Georgian Congressman who's been pushing a flat national sales tax for years. With Boortz, he's put together the best explanation for why such a tax is needed/would benefit the average guy/isn't a way to reward the Top 1%. With another round of tax cuts imminent, it's vital to understand this revenue stream for the government and where the money comes from. I urge you to check this out from your library (or buy it new or used) to at least get some more insight on another aspect of this debate. Regressive tax, flat tax, no tax - we all have heard the terms, but rarely understand the nature of each side.

44. Girl With Curious Hair by David Foster Wallace - Wallace, recently deceased (by his own hand), wrote with astonishing complexity and great wit. Here are presented a collection of early stories and a novella that remind us why he was considered one of the best writers of his generation. Not for the "light" reader; he can be funny, but he's also post-modern or whatever wacky tag you want to give such deconstructive work. Challenging? That might be better. But rewarding, too.

45. The Teammates by David Halberstam - a short book that covers sixty years of baseball history, seen through the friendship of four Red Sox: Dominic DiMaggio, Johnny Peske, Bobby Doerr and the tempestuous Ted Williams. You don't have to love baseball to appreciate this story of four friends and the game they loved. It's short, so that helps.

46. Thank You For Smoking by Christopher Buckley - funnier than the movie, with a similar story, read this if you like satire, poking fun at Washington DC and/or political correctness, good ficton or the bizarre nature of the smoking debate. It's one of his earliest novels and probably sharpest. For the movie-watchers: his son plays a smaller role, the kidnapping makes more sense and the main character's workplace is more than just a set. Nick Naylor is a "smokesman," the main PR guy for Big Tobacco's lobbying firm, and he's good at what he does. He can take most insults and turn them right back around with a smile on his face, but he'll admit to being rattled after an appearance on the Larry King Show when a caller threatens to kill him. A kidnapping a near-death experience only highlight his growing unease with his job, with what he is as a person.

47. The Inheritance by Samuel G. Freedman - following three families from the FDR-era through the 1994 mid-term election, we see the American political majority move from left to right. It's slow at times, but so is history. These stories serve as an example of how politics can both empower and enfeeble our great country. Ambitious for the "light" reader, with some dedication it can bring a greater understanding of the polarization facing our country. A decent follow-up to 1912.

48. Timeline by Michael Crichton - Crichton, like Grisham or King, is a master of popular fiction. This techno-thriller is a time-travel adventure/mystery/rescue, featuring wild scientific theory, medieval combat and just enough grounding in reality to make you think it might all be possible (as with most Crichton novels). I enjoyed it and recommend it; one of his bests. It's a shame that he passed away late last year, but we still have one more book to look forward to around mid-Year.

49. Sarum by Edward Rutherford - 1,000+ pages, dozens of characters, a ten thousand-year-long story, Stonehenge(!): This is Rutherford's first book, roughly the size five books by a normal author, but who cares? It's the sort of book you settle in to read for a month or two, preferably in winter and with lots of tea present. In Sarum, we follow five families over many generations, from the dim prehistoric hunter/gatherer years through the pagan Celtic times to Roman, medieval, Renaissance, revolution, and colonization finally to land in the mid-1980s. The binding tie for these families, at times friendly but often hostile to each other, is their location - the Sarum region in south-central England (which boasts Stonehenge). We follow their lives and those of their kin through the veil of time, as they work the land into farms, towns cities, etc. If you're a fan of James Michener, his mix of familial- and historical-epic entwined - I highly recommend this book. If you just like a ripping good story that will engross you each time you pick the book up ("I just read how many pages?!"), read this book.

50. The Mediterranean Caper by Clive Cussler - hey, the last "first novel" in the list! Cussler is, thirty-four years after penning this adventure, a go-to name for action & treasure-huntin' fiction. The Mediterranean Caper introduces us to Dirk Pitt, hero of more than a dozen tales by Cussler (and more recently, his own son...Dirk Cussler). He's a hard man, but fair; not unwilling to slap a woman, but just as likely to bed her for her own good. Wait.... Ok, he's a little rough by today's standards, but this is a pulp novel and those archetypes are normal. Indiana Jones is comparable, and Dirk comes off by novel's end as a character you want to revisit. It's a by-the-numbers action mystery, trussed up with fresh characters and plenty of energy. A solid beginning for Dirk Pitt's adventures and Clive Cussler's blockbuster career.

51. Why Do Men Fall Asleep After Sex? by Mark Leyner and Billy Goldberg, MD - the follow-up to the informative and side-splitting Why Do Men Have Nipples?, this collection of mundane, bizarre and important questions about our health and bodies doesn't quite satisfy like the first volume, but for the price you can get it at used or new (bestsellers are cheap!), that's OK. The authors include a lot of IM discussions they had, describing the writing of this book and the comedy it entailed; that part could've been trimmed. But the questions are still oddly compelling in their simplicity and the answers satisfactory. Thus, I can say I got more out of it than not.

52. (or 51 1/2). Why We Hate Us by Dick Meyer - do you think the US is self-loathing? Do we despise our culture even as we feed it with our attention, or think our public figures are mockeries of good morals, yet can't get enough? What about our government and politics - do you sleep at night thinking they're all on the level, that everything is being done for the better good? Meyer looks at why there's a perception among many that the US is in the pooper - culturally, morally and politically. Ideas about community, pluralism, decency and shared responsibility permeate this not-overlong discourse. One critique: he should've spent more time on solutions than problems. Oh, but that's the end of the book, and I didn't finish it until many hours after the stroke of Midnight on Dec. 31, 2008. Ah well. I've loaned the book out once already, and have another few customers waiting for its return.

Almost made it.

I started the (relatively) short Why We Hate Us the evening of the 29th through the New Year, and just couldn't find time on the 30th and 31st to finish. Between traveling back from seeing the in-laws in OH (30th) and work & a New Year's Eve party (31st), it wasn't in the cards.

But I came close, and over the course of 2008 I read a number of great books, many purchased on a whim or read on recommendation. We don't always have to choose our reading list from the New York Times bestseller list or whatever Oprah fancies. Between the million-selling blockbuster and the (melo)dramatic memoir are the foundations of good literature, the vast unsung catalog that supports libraries, bookstores and readers like me. As you can see, I am not opposed to the popular, but also do not let myself be dictated to by BookScan's weekly numbers.

2009 sees me reading C.S. Lewis' The Chronicles of Narnia, a series I have yet to read, in a wonderful boxed edition of small paperbacks from the 70s that Mandy got for me two Christmases (?) ago. Next on the shelf? The Last Templar by Raymond Khoury; Stephen Lawhead's Song of Albion trilogy; Devil's Cape by Rob Rogers; Paris 1919: Six Months That Changed the World by Margaret MacMillan; The Devil Drives: A Life of Sir Richard Burton by Fawn Brodie; Maps and Legends by Michael Chabon; City of Pearl by Karen Traviss (something good came out of "Legacy of the Force!"); Civility and Integrity by Stephen L. Carter; and quite literally hundreds more.

I hope you enjoyed following me over the last year's worth of reading. Love of the printed word is a passion I enjoy sharing with everyone I meet; you readers are no different.

So I release you! Print this out and head to the bookstore - your Barnes and Nobles, Borders, Books-a-Millions, Andersons, Brent's; Half-Priced, Frugal Muse, Myopic Books, etc. Amble up and down the aisles as you pick an armload of books that threatens to rob you of the mortgage payment. And if that's an issue, everyone that reads this has access to a local library, still the best way for the prolific reader not to become the destitute, well-read vagrant.

An added treat from all of this: I will begin reviewing the books I read, in clumps of ten (per bookmark, remember). If I get time, I'll go back and see what good reads lurk under the stones of previous years.

Until next time.

-Hooper

For many great book reviews, check out Bookgasm: Reading Material to Get Excited About.

Read on, faithful few!

The Hooplah Reviews "Star Wars: Legacy of the Force - Invincible"

The Star Wars Expanded Universe is my security blanket.

Seventeen years ago, when Timothy Zahn released the first EU novel (or what we know as the EU), I was a poor reader at best, uninterested in anything but those old kid Indiana Jones books. My mom and dad got Heir to the Empire and blah blah blah great reader loves books English major.

It was the books and not the prequels that got me to keep returning to a galaxy far, far away. Through the long Bantam years to the turbulent Del Rey series, I've kept the faith with few doubts that at the end, the adventure of these immortalized characters will always keep me coming back.

Alas, alas...

I didn't lose faith after The Crystal Star, because the weirdness was bad, but not awful, and it stands as a poor SW novel, but not a poor novel. Likewise, the narrative standstill that was Dark Journey didn't stop me from finishing New Jedi Order; it was a bump in the road. Planet of Twilight was a bad novel and a bad SW novel, but just one story amid dozens more.

But Invincible, the final book of a nine-book series, might just be the killing doubt...at least for a while. Star Wars is an addiction, and one bad hit isn't going to keep me from picking it up again.

So to the review of this dreck.

For the overall ranking, I give it a 2.5/10. Factor that in as you will; I know it doesn't affect the overall that much.

The book was not well assembled. The main criticism - and it is a harsh one - is that Invincible was cobbled together as more of an outline than an actual book. Hastily written, rushed to press, editorially mandated - whatever the reason, the finished product is not good. The eight books that came before it are not ignored, but set aside, as are the numerous stories and characters mentioned. Denning did a bad job of wrapping up an eight-book series. He instead wrote a quick third of a book that sorely needed the meatier other part to succeed.

***

My first problem (and this starts a list) with his writing is the humor. Some have written it's great gallows humor, but it's not. It's regular humor written into tense spots to give the appearance of black humor, but not the context, the awareness. Much like how endless sight gags can ruin a good movie, these sort of jokes break you out of the "vivid and continuous dream" that is a work of fiction. But I have other issues, and this is just the first and least offensive.

***

As I mentioned before, this is the last of eight books. It is forced to carry the weight of eight books' worth of contained story, as well as a through-line that ties it all together. In this case, we have Jacen Solo's decent to the dark side, overthrow from within of the Galactic Alliance to bring order through dominance, attempt to reestablish a Sith Rule-of-Two order, and the attempt to stand against this tide of evil that threatens once again to engulf the galaxy. That's all right. We know it's a retread of the Prequel Trilogy with a different ending (Kenobi killing Anakin, instead of just assuming he died), but that doesn't mean we have to rush to the finish line.

And in the rush, critical story and character beats are left hanging: what happens to Niathal, the Mandalorians, the citizens of any of the major worlds affected, Lando, the Korriban Sith, etc.? We touch on these briefly or not at all in the last book. Boba Fett and his people are used just because Denning was forced to, probably because Karen Traviss made them so prominent. But what about Niathal or the Michael Stackpole-helmed characters from the X-Wing books? What about Lando?!

I'm not saying we need a Lord of the Rings style hundred-page conclusion. It's not that sort of series. What we're left with, however, is unsatisfying and abrupt, like Denning got the barest pounded out before he absolutely had to send in the manuscript.

***

Talking about other characters for a minute, what happened to characterization? Maybe it was the poor attempt at gallows humor that made Han and Leia seem mis-written. I know it's his dislike or unfamiliarity with the Fett family of characters that made their scene unbearable. But Luke? Ben? Jacen and Jaina? None of them felt like the characters we had read before.

Ben was a cardboard cutout of his Revelation character, absent the new skills and understanding he was learning, missing anything but a need to be a plot device and an after school special.

Luke is a nebulous character, written differently in almost every book. Here, his utilitarian politicking separates all humanity from his actions, erases all trace of justice from the Jedi order.

Jaina I have not liked since the NJO started and made her a brash ace pilot Han rip-off. So it was with surprise that I found myself enjoying her scenes as written by Traviss and Aaron Allston; she was being allowed to grow. That was all ruined by a hamfisted attempt to mesh the set pieces she needed to participate in with her Denning characterization and her Traviss Mando-trained one. Gone are the lessons from the latter, though she mentions them enough in her head. Maybe it was the whole concept of the asteroid (and later Anakin Solo) insertion that rubbed me wrong, but I just couldn't imagine Fett-trained Jaina getting into those tactical messes. She fought well, in her brief, jumbled fight scenes with Jacen.

And Jacen! He lost focus as a character here, left to suffer an ignored Skywalker-trademark limb-lopping that resonated not at all, shackled with a poorly-chosen apprentice (wasn't her chocie foreshadowed in Inferno by Denning?) and a sudden lack of grand strategy. Where is Sith Battle Meditation? Speaking of powers, where the hell does the shatterpoint ability come from? It's a shameless attempt to insert Prequel Trilogy-EU into post-Return of the Jedi-EU and it fails. I hope no one mentions it again. The character of Jacen was a tragic one, but here, I'm not sure what I was reading, and I certainly didn't get a tragic read. The Shakespearean built-up was erased for a few Batman-like black-caped glimpses, some shoddy cut scenes and again, lackluster, jumbled fights.

***

Star Wars hinges on it's sense of the hero, the recognition of a true, driving force for goodness in the galaxy.

Where is it? Is Jacen's influence so all-pervasive that in less than a year's time he's able to spread an inky cloud of mistrust and anger through all living beings? Personally, I think it was stretched to the breaking how much evil he could inject into society. But since society as a whole was ignored in the closing chapter, I don't think it matters.

***

In a series reflection, I think the political and military origins of the second civil war were ok, but not too stellar. If the conflict were allowed a slower boil - a cold war with a few sparks here and there - spy missions, suicide runs, assassinations, the occasional capital ship skirmish - over the first three or four books, not really breaking out until Jacen also broke out into his role as (co-)head of the GA, there would've been a better parallel. Let the galaxy burn when he rises to the stage, but don't ignore it after he's come up. His ascension ended the tension, the strife, and made it a background affair.

By Invincible, there was no GA or Confederation except as words used to describe something not important to finishing this damn story.

***

Setting up Daala as the new Chief of State was a bold move, one not without its precedent, but she should've been introduced before Revelation. Placing Fel at the head of the Empire was just dumb. There is little diplomatic or military precedent for it, and certainly better ways to write in that his family name becomes associated with "emperor" a hundred years down the line. Maybe, Daala should've been placed as head of a new Empire, with Fel a co-Regent of some sort or a prime minister in place of the Moff council. New characters could be brought up to lead the GA, perhaps as a triumvirate, until special elections were held. REALISM. It all smacked of forced set-up.

***

The dialogue was tin-eared and the quality you'd expect from middling fanfic.

I also object to virtually all of the expletive-placeholders they had, including the Denning favorite "borked." It's a blatant political reference, furthering a smear campaign two decades old that is best left to the denigrating politics of yesteryear. It has no place in Star Wars and out of all the issues with this book most threw me out of the story by reminding me I was reading as story.

***

I think overall what misses the mark for me is just the overall lack: lack of page count for the narrative necessity, lack of a convincing plot, lack of narrative closure (though as we all know, you don't have to shut the door to or conclude a storyline to bring closure to its characters), lack of series-awareness, lack of editorial oversight that let something so obviously deficient see publication as a hardcover. I could go on.

This book ruined the series for me. I can look back at Allston's entries and, while not as good as past work, come away satisfied. Betrayal was a great, simmering start. In Karen Traviss I've found an author that brings a fresh, clear voice to Star Wars uncluttered with Original Trilogy romance but not forgetting the mythic qualities of it all. I'll get her books in the future.

I do not see myself getting Fate of the Jedi, unless the reviews of the new author's and Denning's contributions are bouncing-off-the-wall excellent. Denning best not be concluding the series, or it's a deal breaker. I won't buy any more of his solo works in hardcover or possibly new. Until this, I haven't considered getting SW books used, but he doesn't make me want to risk the few bucks on such a potential letdown.

This was that bad, people. Zekk and Isolder killed off because Denning couldn't figure out how to write them better, or further their stories; Fett punished so harshly despite the few glimmers of distant, deathbed hope offered in Revelation; the broader theatre of war ignored for a few hours' glimpse at action; total ignorance of the galaxy-wide civil war; bad dialogue, bad jokes, bad structure-

***

I must interrupt with another criticism. The structure, the plot itself, was faulty. If this was an outline fleshed into a thin novel, how did the outline get approved? Everything felt dropped in without connection, as thought we needed to get a limb cut off of Jacen and Ben captured and Jaina rattled and Luke more haggard and emotionally sterilized and Tenel Ka here and Moffs there and some shadowy Hapan nonsense wedged in because because because - it's too much. Too much reliance on plot devices, on characters essentially throwing their hands up and going "Whatever the hell I'm doing that doesn't make sense, I don't care. It must be part of a Plan."

Return of the Jedi has Luke deciding on a course of action once he realizes Vader is over Endor. He will get his people to safety, not tell them anything (except Leia), get captured and hope for his father's redemption. So Luke drives a chunk of characters around, perhaps subtly manipulating things in the Force - Han, Leia and the strike team; Vader, and by extension, the Emperor and his attention - all so he can get to the point of giving his father a choice to save the galaxy.

The same thing is attempted here. Luke is playing chess master again, wielding characters around, but imperfectly. It would've been enough for him to tell Jaina, "I've clouded Caedus' vision of the future. Go to Coruscant, or wherever the heck Jacen Solo is. Hunt him down like you've been trained. Bring the war to the end. We'll be praying for you." What does he do instead but fight Jacen using the bodies of friends, family and strangers as weapons and that feels wrong for him to do, and wrong in the context of the story that Revelation set up.

***

I won't go on more. The EU is still my security blanket, a welcome friend when all other fiction seems written by angsty English majors looking to tell me What Went Wrong, because in a tapestry so large, sewn by so many hands, one can ignore the brown muddling stitches on the side that form the words "Troy Denning Hates You."

Invincible: 2.5/10 - given that much because I found some good qualities amid the sludge.

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

TPH: "Seat for sale!"

Welcome to Chicago, where even our furniture stores are getting in the swing of things:



You've gotta love our sense of humor. I want to say Rod Blagojevich is one of the worst things to happen to Illinois, but that would be ignoring the five other IL governors who've been indicted in the last ninety years (several even spent time in jail! Hooray!), the Stroger family, the shameless Roland Burris or pretty much the whole county of Cook.

Ah, this delectable blend of politics in humor...only in America! Or maybe Italy!

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

The Hooplah: "I am the late afternoon, Claire-bear."

What do you get when you cross Horn-Rimmed Glasses Man (Noah Bennett of Heroes) with billionaire vigilante Bruce Wayne (Batman)?

Domestic Batman!

I...have too much time to doodle.

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

The Hooplah Reviews "Spider-Man: The Other - Evolve or Die"

We're digging into the vault for this review. I checked this out from the library, some three years after it finished, too curious to pass it up.

Stupidly long title aside, I can recommend it. While the twelve issue story could've been compressed, or the climax moved an issue later, providing more build-up for Morlun's part and Peter's illness, I can't find much to fault.

The set-up is simple: Peter Parker is dying.

In an effort to stave off death, he's seeking help from all fields scientific, natural and supernatural. But in the end, they all have the same sad story to tell. In these twilight hours, he interacts with his friends and loved ones, fights the good fight now and again, but it's a losing action. And if his illness doesn't kill him, there's help waiting in the wings. Morlun, the totemistic villain introduced at the beginning of JMS' run makes a surprise appearance, back from the dead, to harvest Peter's powers.

(For those who don't know the specifics of the totem-aspect of JMS' run, it boils down to Peter being the current incarnation of the spider totem, one of many animal-based powers floating around. Morlun feeds on these, gaining in strength as he kills and absorbs their power. It was all introduced in the very first JMS arc. While this knowledge is passingly mentioned, knowing it can't hurt; it also shows why this is such a big deal, as it's the climax of Peter's development and acceptance of this mystical nature of his being.)

Peter and Morlun fight in great superhero fashion, the nigh-omnipotent villain rarely suffering, the very mortal hero plunging on, knowing death is near but also willing to give all. For with great power--! You know the rest.

Morlun savages Spider-Man. It's barely a fight, in the end. Cops arrive, denying Morlun his meal, Peter is rushed to the hospital and the heroes gather around their fallen comrade. Then Morlun returns, you get another fight but wait!

Yeah, now Peter Parker/Spider-man's got weird new powers, debuting in his second (and last, to-the-death-of-both) fight with Morlun. And he technically does die, but the story is told well from there. I won't get into the final act, but there's some internal struggles, more mysticism, rebirth and a decent, suitably heroic resolution.

Consider this: it's a death and return story, told over four months and twelve issues in three titles by the same three creative teams. From a technical standpoint, it's perfect. The story might have a few structural problems, but you cannot fault the framework overall that contains this (somewhat major) Marvel Universe story within only one (small) family of comics.

Mike "Ringo" Wieringo and Mike Deodato, Jr. both show why they are so popular - Deodato especially, as he redefines his style to more reminiscent of early Sandman or Hellblazer than his Wonder Woman stuff. Pat Lee I could do without; he can't draw Aunt May (looks like an old tranny) and in general misses out on nuance. JMS, Peter David and Reggie Hudlin write as one here, without any big differences in style or characterization. It's a little melodramatic at times, a fault I have with Spidey comics in general (it's either wisecracking or hyperangst), but it is supposed to be a monumental event. Thankfully, Morlun is toast.

Much can be said for the way it handles Peter's last days with his family, the interactions with the supporting cast and the overall emotional content of the story. Perhaps it's all made more bittersweet by Ringo's death since publication, and the parallel I couldn't shake of a life taken too soon. Unintended, but it helps. Even without that, I think we can all connect on a human level with these works of fiction, better here than in any other Spider-Man comics I've read.

The Other sits well with me as I write this and I think I know why it works for me, when it wouldn't for regular Spidey fans: I'm not a fan.

There is little appeal for me in the character, because there never seems to be a decent or well-written challenge. But here we have a story that is obviously complex and substantial, but one that flies in the face of Spider-man orthodoxy. Were you a fan from the 60s and 70s reading this, you'd no doubt call it trash or whacked out mysticism (maybe not "whacked out." Perhaps dastardly. How did people speak back then?). 80s and 90s-era fans see something potentially as grating and confusing as the Clone saga.

But I've followed nothing, care little for continuity and can come into this almost a greenhorn to recent storylines. Almost. There is no explanation who the group of heroes is he hangs out with (The New Avengers, pre-Civil War) until their costumed names are dropped. And it didn't click that Jessica Drew, not Jessica Jones, was the "Jessica" always there, until "Spider-Woman" was mentioned.

I like it because it doesn't feel like Spider-Man - the teenage, wisecracking webslinger pining after MJ or Gwen and struggling to balance home and hero lives - but a What If Spidey were a regular hero without all that youthful drama? It might stand as one of the few mature Spider-Man stories in print.

I don't know if "The Other: Evolve or Die" was part of a larger "The Other: [etc title]" series of stories, but it could've been. I'd certainly read more.

And for me to say that about Spidey comics is saying a lot.

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!

The Hooplah Comic Book 2008 Year in Review

2008: it was the year that saw me quit.

Now, before you get all up in arms, I didn't give up all comics; I'm not that strong. I'll still get trades/graphic novels/collections - those thick ones you see at the local bookstore. But I did decide enough is enough and have forsaken the purchase of single issues of comic books. I am finishing out two stories (Final Crisis and JSA: Kingdom Come) and once done, I can say I'm done.

Let me tell you why: it's all about cost vs. quality. Though comics have seen a resurgence in popular appeal (and both dollar-share and unit sales have gone up over the last few years), it's come at a high price. Constantly tying in an ongoing story to whatever movie or video game or cartoon is to be released damages the content; shoe-horning certain characters into a larger crossover can destroy that title's momentum and discourage new readers.

Earlier this month, I had thought about trying a comic year in review, looking at the major stories, creator moves and industry happenings, but I can't really work up that much enthusiasm. It is the year that saw me decide to quit singles, as I've said. That should be indicative right there of my opinion on these last twelve months.

It's a stretch that's seen ongoing, monthly titles not release twelve issues in a year. Delays have not always been a hallmark of the comic industry. One only has to look back at the way things were before Image set up shop - and even at the Big Two in the few years following - to see how things should be. Story and character was placed before writer and artist. The age of the comic-creator-as-superstar took firm hold with the splashy, million+ selling titles of Image in the early 90s where narrative was sacrificed for art, for flash-in-the-pan doodles that, in the end, proved unsustainable on the whole. That's Image, you say, the worst offender.

Look at DC's banner event this year, Final Crisis, or several years' back to Marvel's Civil War. Each had superstar artists and writers attached, yet neither, even with proper lead-time, could come close to a monthly schedule. A month-long hiatus was built into Final Crisis, yet it still has two more issues to go when we were to be at the finish line in a matter of weeks. We can blame artist JG Jones for the delays, which have lead to new artist hirings to Get Things Finished. Civil War just stopped and rescheduled part-way through to accommodate Steve McNiven's laborious penciling, yet for anyone who's seen the finished product, one has to wonder what he was doing with his time....

It's been a year of delays, a year of outright scheduling failures and a year of amazing wordplay on the part of Dan Didio, DC editor-in-Chief. Anything that's been received poorly, be it the ending to Batman RIP or the delays on Final Crisis or the Countdown/Death of the New Gods fiasco, were all part of the plan. To read his interviews over at Newsarama, you'd think he's unflappable in the face of criticism and the best damn liar ever. He plays with words like Jaws with Robert Shaw; there is no escape from the black hole of his blatant duplicity. The truth is absorbed and repurposed to make either DC or him the victim of outside forces beyond control. Maybe we just don't get it.

You'd think from that I'd be done with DC, but as stated, my last few singles will be DC issues - Final Crisis and JSA. For whatever reason, DC just puts out a better product, delays or not. Marvel's gotten a better hang of Event publishing, putting out World War Hulk, it's tie-ins and the whole shebang of Secret Invasion without too many hitches (Marvel leaves those for the Ultimates), but what they've sacrificed is coherency and story. World War Hulk was a two-issue fight stretched over a five-issue mini and thirty-seven tie-in issues. What story existed was reliant upon knowledge of Planet Hulk (recapped in a summary page) and in no way merited such a waste of trees and cash.

The worst offender, however, is Secret Invasion: eight issues, seven tie-in minis (for twenty-two issues) and seventy-one related issues in ongoing series and one-shots, all for a half-day fight that we knew would end with the heroes winning. That's ONE HUNDRED AND ONE issues all told.

Brian Michael Bendis is the culprit, not Didio's opposite, Joe Quesada (himself responsible in large part for the Spider-Man: One More Day train wreck). He's been masterminding this event for the last few years through his post as chief Avengers scribe and plotter. It was a fantasy for him, a dream to write this sprawling, pulp alien invasion mega-story, and it serves as a culmination to his run. You know what? Kurt Busiek, another Avengers writer (and one a mite bit better than BMB), had a great run a few years back, and it too culminated in a mega-story, an Event featuring the conquest of Earth by the despot Kang. Great swaths of real estate were destroyed, characters died and it was truly a world-shaking story. At the end of it all, you know what?

It all took place in pages of The Avengers. No mini. No tie-ins with other titles.

And this story lasted for months and months, essentially the last year of Busiek's tenure. Surely it could've been a four-month event, if the story could've been disassembled and scattered around two or four-issue minis featuring Spider-man and Wolverine and Thor and the Great Lakes Avengers and etc. But Busiek – and Marvel at the time – were a little smarter and still contained stories so you didn’t generate Event Fatigue, what we suffer from greatly now. DC managed this also, from the time of the original Crisis through the Death of Superman, Batman's breaking, Zero Hour and even that odd non-event, The Kingdom. Heck, Identity Crisis had ramifications in other titles, but the story was a done-in-one-miniseries, a small "e" event.

In ye olden days, an event such as Secret Invasion would not have crossed over into every other title but stayed contained in one Avengers' mini, with the side stories being woven in or dropped, and only Avengers-centric comics propelling the story forward. X-Men or Spidey titles could reference after the fact, but not be interrupted.

Probably the best example of major event referencing was in Grant Morrison's JLA, when Superman briefly became electric (boogey woogey woogey). It wasn't a big thing, just a throwaway line (and a great use of the new powers), but were the same to happen today, you can know that all the Supes titles plus JLA and maybe some of the other major player books would've had a piece of the story.

It's not enough to write a good story anymore. All comics have to be Events. I think this, over everything else, is just ruining the monthly comic trade.

Sure, the price point for entry is higher than ever (completely beyond inflation), but you can trade-wait and get discounts per issue, or use subscription services that offer up to 35% off. Singles can be made affordable, and there might, in the future, be a backlash with creators offering their titles for less at independent publishers (Warren Ellis is good for this).

No, Event Fatigue, as I mentioned above, saps the will to read these stories. I can't get full enjoyment, the thinking goes, unless I read all fifty issues of this story, regardless of how thin the connection is between The Runaways and an X-Men event, or Adam Strange and a Wonder Woman epic. It's a barrier erected for sales that erodes readership long-term. You don't win fresh, life-long readers with a continuity-laden, dozens-of-issues-spanning story.

Where are the single issue tales? What happened to them? Why do we need to spring from catastrophe to Armageddon to universal undoing and then back to street-level disaster that spawns a major conflict?

I love comics and the opportunity they offer creators to tell visual stories big and small without the budgetary restraints of modern Hollywood. For all the current deficiencies, I cannot see myself giving them up entirely, but singles? I can't do it anymore.

Any thoughts, Buck?


Buck: I’ll start with a brief comment about trade-waiting. The only real problem I have with it is the continued tendency from the Big Two to publish every collected storyline in a “prestige” or “deluxe” (and I use those terms very loosely) hardcover format. If the softcover edition were published simultaneously, this wouldn’t be a problem. But as it stands now, the more inexpensive softcover editions are not published until several months, sometimes up to a year, later. I can only assume there are people who are actually shelling out $20-$25 for a book that would have cost you $18 if you’d bought the individual issues. Whereas I, the consumer who waits for the softcover, usually pay $13-15 for what would have cost $18. It saves me money in the end, but the practice of publishing virtually your entire output in hardcover first is infuriating. The only problem is that by waiting for the collections, sometimes by the time I discover a title, it’s already been cancelled. It’s a Catch-22 when dealing with the second-tier books from each publisher.

Hooper: As a trade-waiter, I must agree. I cannot abide waiting the extra months for the softcover of a series that should never have a hardcover release. In my eyes, HCs should be reserved for the big deal books, not every story arc. Though it is one of the best comics being published, do I need an HC of each Booster Gold trade? Of course not, it's ridiculous.

A few more points:

Just for the record, I was done with singles over a year ago. The only single issues I’ve bought since making the decision have been the two event miniseries of 2008, Final Crisis and Secret Invasion, and Matt Fraction’s excellent Thor specials from Marvel.

Regarding McNiven’s art on Civil War…to be fair, McNiven’s art is far from horrible. I actually enjoy his work. I assume you mean it’s not extremely detail-oriented, and that’s why you’ve questioned the delay. If that’s the case, I agree.

Hooper: That is exactly the case. I can understand the hyper-detailed work of Bryan Hitch, Frank Quitely or, say, Ladronn taking more time, but McNiven would skimp on background and faces. There is a quantity of art I expect from delays, not just a quality.

Buck: In light of the comments regarding Didio, I’ll also mention Marvel’s explanation (or lack thereof) for the mechanics by which Spider-Man was made a bachelor again following a deal with the devil. The explanation from Marvel Editorial about just what happened at the conclusion of the One More Day story arc? “It’s magic. We don’t have to explain it." That’s sloppy, and a slap in the face to your core audience.

Lastly, don’t think that by venting our frustrations we’re condemning the entire output of DC and Marvel. Far from it. I can recommend several good titles from each publisher. For DC, Green Lantern has been very entertaining since its relaunch, and Geoff Johns is about to re-take the writing reins of the Flash, a character he was born to write. Johns’ work on Action Comics has also drawn good reviews. I’ve been enjoying Blue Beetle, though I was late to the game and the book has already been cancelled. And as for Grant Morrison’s All-Star Superman…well, every other comic book should hope to be half as good as that. On the Marvel side, I can recommend The Immortal Iron Fist, Captain America, Runaways, Daredevil, Avengers: The Initiative, Marvel Adventures: Avengers (these last two being far and away better than the two banner Avengers titles), and Matt Fraction’s Thor work without hesitation. Ghost Rider, Agents of Atlas, and The Amazing Spider-Man have also drawn some good critiques as of late.

So we’re not abandoning comics, and we’re certainly not abandoning DC or Marvel. We just wish they’d put a little more quality into their flagship efforts.


Hooper: Buck is right. Frustrations are as cyclical in comic books as flashes of brilliance. For every Event that is delayed and screws up half a dozen other on-schedule books, there's a Booster Gold, Green Lantern, Immortal Iron Fist or Captain America that renews not only our faith in the industry as Industry, but in comic books as great pieces of entertainment.

2009 promises to be another banner year for comic book publicity: several big-name movies are coming out (Watchmen, X-Men Origin: Wolverine), and if The Dark Knight succeeds in getting major award recognition at the Oscars, we can expect more people taking a chance on the source material. Will what they find be up to snuff with some pretty stellar storytelling?

Judging from 2008, I don't have much optimism in snagging a bucketful of new readers. Marvel will be entrenched in Dark Reign, the ludicrous follow-up to Secret Invasion that has the US government handing over control of all superhuman response to a known psyche case and mass-murderer. X-Men, from the few things I've heard, continues to improve, but it's still stuck in the mire of continuity. But DC invented continuity, and it ain't breaking free in 2009. Everything builds on everything. The stories are great for old hands, but not fresh fish.

The uncollected backlist might lure new readers, finding those great old series that linger in back issue bins and repackaging them in affordable trades. DC is doing this with Justice League International, the acclaimed series from the 80s and early 90s. These old stories are unfettered by current Events, and many have set beginnings and endings, so a reader can get four or six trades and feel satisfied, whereas now they have to slog through the wasteland of ongoings, delays, rescheduling, the crossovers without end….

If DC and Marvel have, roughly two-thirds of the market, then the great hope for comic books becomes the Other Third: independents. Dark Horse, Image, IDW, Oni, Top Shelf, etc.: these are the publishers who have the greatest potential to lure in new readers with – fancy this – new stories, engaging characters, lower cost-per-story since there are fewer Events to consider. You get more genres covered, not just "superheroes," and creators are better able to flex their muscle without editorial mandates to consider. Look at Boom Studios! and their growing catalog of genres covered: high fantasy, space opera, horror, conspiracy, crime, heist, cop, supernatural. I could go on, and that's great! Other companies offer "realistic" fiction, the sort of real-world stories many don't understand are present on the racks of their local comic shop. And I'm not mentioning manga, the bookstore juggernaut sub-medium.

If all were fair, that Other Third would become the Second Half, spurring a renaissance in comics as literature and a truly engaging form of mass entertainment.

Cross(over) your fingers.

-Hooper (w/ Buck)

And by the by, thank you Wikipedia and ComicBookResources for your excellent tie-in tallies for major event comics. Tie-ins need to mean something, as described by Alan Moore in his Twilight of the Superheroes proposal:

"The perfect mass crossover would be something like the following: it would have
a sensible and logical reason for crossing over with other titles, so that the
readers who were prompted to try a new title as a result of the crossover or
vice versa didn't feel cheated by some tenuous linkage of storylines that was at
best spurious and at worst nonexistent."

Looking over these tie-ins to find the total number of issues involved, while dollar amounts might be different or far closer, Marvel's approach is ridiculous to spread the plot out so much in a blatant cash grab, as it alienates readers new and old.

Read on, faithful few!

The Hooplah Reviews "Spider-Man: One More Day"

A lot has already been written about this story. It's one of those comic book arcs that "breaks the Internet in two," as even the editors have started to say. But this one had good reason: it featured the manufactured end of Peter Parker's (Spider-Man) marriage to Mary Jane, his crush and love since high school (with a few interruptions).

Theirs was a star-crossed love, and it was for that reason that Mephisto, stand-in Devil of the Marvel Universe, chose to erase their marriage from existence save for a small bit from their souls to savor the anguish, the loss, the sorrow - all in exchange for the life of Aunt May.

But I don't buy it.

The Peter Parker that sell his marriage to the Devil isn't the same one who hefted a building on his back or has struggled for years to atone for one small moment of selfishness, who has given his all time and again for a city that he loves. What he does is not the reaction of an adult who's gone through life and seen how it works. Maybe the circles he runs in make him feel immune to death, as it pertains to him and those around him (in "The Other," he does die and come back and no one's all that surprised). But Aunt May is old, and if this was her time, if her getting shot was part of the plan (as was Uncle Ben's death), why can't Peter realize the lesson he's been taught time and again, that sometimes people die, and we cannot change that?

It's a bad story; there's no redeeming quality. I don't know if this is J. Michael Straczynski's fault as writer or Joe Quesada's (as editor-in-chief of Marvel, though as an artist he does a piss-poor job of helping). Editorial mandate was rumored to be the reason for how the story turned out. I'm betting that JMS wrote it 70% how it was published, and the tweaking was small. Mephisto was am editor-added part, but the dissolution of the marriage to save Aunt May was not.

And that's what gets me. It doesn't make sense for Spider-Man/Peter Parker to choose an old lady over a young, fresh marriage and a whole future. In fact, it insults Aunt May, who would've gladly sacrificed herself, but now can at some point be burdened with the knowledge that to keep her alive, two lives were broken.

My problems with the story cover all aspects of each issue.

The art was rarely good, at times giving the characters goofy, odd-shaped facial features. It's not that Quesada is a bad artist, but he was very inconsistent throughout. The "Brand New Day"/post-unmarriaging scene was good, as was the depiction of Mephisto. But Iron Man and Dr. Strange are obvious weak points for Quesada. He looks to be aping Mike Deodato's excellent, almost Vertigo-esque worked turned in a few years' back on the title, or at worst, the Spawn/Greg Capullo house style. Not suited for the story.

Good writing can overcome bad or mediocre art. I cannot honestly recommend this story, and it's because of JMS' writing. Nothing is rational, nothing is in-character, little is adult. Iron Man/Tony Stark is a heartless, fascist bastard; Dr. Strange is a parody of a sorcerer; Mary Jane is too verklempt to be the strong woman she's always written as being. Peter Parker is childish, wanting the bad things to go away; unheroic, throwing fists and irrational actions before sane reasoning; and selfish to a "t," in that he even considers ruining MJ's life or breaking her heart. I don't see how any of those could pass muster.

When asked about JMS' orignal ending at Newsarama, Joe Quesada said, "This was the story he wanted to tell. In his story, Mephisto was going to change continuity from as far back as issues #96-98 from 1971. In Joe's story, Peter drops the dime on Harry, and that helps get him into rehab right away. Consequently, MJ stays with Harry, and Gwen never dies and never has her affair with Norman, etc., etc. And in the end, Peter and MJ are never married." JMS agreed with this interpretation. He found the Mephisto/magic way a cop-out, though he was still going to make the demon an integral part of the story, just not his published actions.

Regardless, it doesn't gel either way. It's still a narrative cop-out, a deus ex machina, authorial interference. We deal with a powered rule that frequently bends and breaks natural laws, but the stories themselves are written in the real world. We can afford to suspend disbelief for the internal logic of powers and magic, but to have that fly in the face of story structure and characterization - in essence to shoehorn in established characters to fit a narrative mandate - breaks the rules. Might as well have 88 pages of Quesada and JMS explaining what happens, just pictures of them at their desks with world balloons, maybe holding up sketches of the characters for reference. "This is the story we want to tell featuring characters that look like this but behave how we need them to in a story crafted to dumb down the mythos and insult the audience."

The follow-up story/event is "Brand New Day," showing us what happens when Peter and MJ haven't been married for the last X years. People who were dead...aren't, new villains pop up, the old single dynamic abounds and there's an underlying sense of something amiss. In capable (non-JMS) hands, I hear we've been given many good to great issues that are far better than what came before. Out of the ashes of bad stories, great ideas can grown.

So check out those new issues, and if you're curious, once they undo Mephisto's bargain and reunite Peter and MJ, how this all started, check out "One More Day" from the library. Read, as I did, to satisfy an itch. But don't buy it. Don't show economic support for trash editorial moves like this. In the annals of Spider-Man history, this arc will be a blemish, not-soon-forgotten, but easy to mask. I only hope the resolution is as much reward to the fans as it is apology for what they went through to get there.

-Hooper

Read on, faithful few!